Post by * JESSICA ANNE REXING. on Mar 4, 2010 17:16:02 GMT -5
[/size][/font]
well if i'm judged on the life i'm living
and if heaven is not so forgiving, well i don't care...[/size][/center]
jessica anne rexing. eighteen years old. paranoia.
those were the words that were noted in her file as more important than anything else. that was all that mattered in this place. not even. all that mattered was the last word. paranoia. that was just as good as her first name, or last name, just as good as how old she was. in fact, it was better. the staff didn't want to know her name, her age. they wanted to know why the hell she ended up there and made their lives increasingly harder as the days went on. nobody wanted to be around a girl who would intentionally hurt you just so that she wouldn't be hurt first. that was what paranoia had done to jessica, and that was all that the staff needed to know. many guards only knew the last names of the patients so that they could report anything to the doctors. nobody cared for age. they didn't treat the patients like they would in school - catering to their age group needs. they treated the patients individually. sure, that might've been considered a good thing, but really it wasn't because they treated the patients based on what was wrong with them. for example, one evening a training nurse came by to escort jessica to her therapy session. the only thing the nurse knew about jessica was that she was paranoid and had tendencies to get violent whether it be physically, or not. this training knocked on the door, stated her reasons, and when jessica opened the door, the nurse gently touched her to guide jess out of the room. the gentleness of the touch was a precaution, to show she meant no harm. however, she was unaware of how much jessica hated being touched, so she hit the nurse and ran. now, instead of trying to treat her like a normal person and trying to get jessica comfortable, they did quite the opposite. they tiptoed around her and always carried a sedative just in case. if anything that made matters worse because jessie would then feel threatened, and she felt unlike a human being. she knew she was paranoid of everything, and she hated it, but if they just tried a little harder... she'd probably just fight them.
jessica wasn't all bad, really she wasn't. in fact, there was a time in her life, not too long ago, when she was actually nice, outgoing, and just a blast to be around - even if she was a little rebellious. that rebellious girl stayed around, but the rest kind of faded. if one really was patient and determined to break her barriers, they'd find that girl. her nicer words were taken over by harsh ones. when jessie spoke, in the back of her mind she always tried to find a way to manipulate information out of people. no - not information to take over the world - but rather find out their true intentions or make them feel inferior to her. that way she'd feel more confident and more protected, still she wouldn't let down her guard and her voice might hide it, but then it can also show it. in the back of her mind she was always suspicious of every little word, every little action, every little thing straight down to the most useless detail. her outgoing side of her was utterly destroyed. she never went up to anyone, avoided conversation if she could, and was more of a 'stay to yourself' kind of girl. it was a terrible way to live, really, and she knew it, yet she didn't trust enough to change that. in order to change that, she would have to know that nobody was going to do what he did to her. she would have to know that when nurses came to fetch her that she wasn't walking to a death trap in the making. she would have to know so many things that were never certain or even real. sadly, she didn't know. jessica didn't know what was up ahead. she didn't know if there was even an 'up ahead' to go to. she didn't like this at all. it was all because of him that she didn't know and was completely terrified of what was around the corner both literally and metaphorically.
see, jessica was so paranoid of some things, that she refused a lot. she didn't leave the door unlocked and refused to open it unless she could see who it was through the peep hole that they had so kindly given her. she didn't eat food unless she saw the person preparing it or if her mother made it. it was because of this little bit of paranoia that jessica, most often than not refused to eat the meals they gave her. a few times she had gone days at a time without eating. when it got really bad, then she'd reluctantly eat what they gave her; however, she had a solution to the problem. she would sneak out to the kitchens and prepare herself a meal, bring some back, and was set. by now she knew the halls like the back of her hand, even in pitch black (her paranoia made her memory very impressive). she knew where the cameras were located, when they were actually on - because sometimes they were just used as a device to frighten people into not doing bad things, and she knew where they pointed. she had snuck out so much that she also knew how long until it changed directions that it was filming in. that took some serious skill. did it not? and it was because of this serious skill that she was able to make it from the basement to the kitchens without being caught. it was all an art form. she had been caught and placed in detentions many times, so jessica had learned that if she took one wrong step, miscounted the time she spent in certain hallways, that it would all come tumbling down and she'd spend a night in detention. maybe even a full day. it was a whole different atmosphere at night. if she got caught at night, there was no denying it and detention would most likely be where she ended up (unless there was some sort of miracle). however, during the day she blended in with the other patients and could easily sneak around. as long as she didn't do anything to catch the guards attention or look too suspicious than many guards would over look the level four girl. every guard knew the level fours, yet it was a matter of whether they took the time to study each face to pick them out of the crowd.
there was a shocking amount of people at alkaline - more than people would think. jessica knew that she had no idea that there were that many crazy people in the U.S. and this was only one asylum! most of the residents were made up of teenagers too, so that also shocked her. however, it didn't shock her how many cabinets there were in the kitchen, how much food the fridge stocked, and how many cabinets were locked. medicine cabinets. and that was the reason jess didn't eat what they gave her. they had meds put into a lot of peoples' food because some people would just refuse to take it otherwise, like jessica did. although these people knew they were being drugged through their food, it seemed to settle better than the knowledge that they could've had to take time out of their day to swallow pills. jessica wanted to find the list that she was on to see what it was they were giving her, but she didn't want to spend that much time searching. she hadn't eaten in a day and a half and she was starting to get hungry. starting - that was an understatement. she was already hungry. so to bury this pang of hunger, she began rummaging through the cabinets for things she could possibly take back. the fridge would be last, it always was unless she heard that it was storing something too delicious to hold off on. all the while, jessica kept her ears open and all of her senses keen. her hands moved quickly and slid things aside silently, or as quietly as she could. the last thing she needed was to get pulled out of the kitchen without a bite to eat and have to wait even longer for food.
TAGS: open. STATUS: complete. WORD COUNT: 1,428ish. OUTFIT: i'll describe it later - y'all don't need any more rambling. MUSIC: anybody there, the script. NOTES: i highly doubt my posts will match up to what i just did, but i guess i'll try... and sorry for rambbleee. it's what i do... sometimes.
