SHINE BRIGHTER */

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

at first, she didn't know how to react to what he said. part of her wanted to tell him that he had no idea what he was talking about. that only would have led into another fight, and a second verbal fight would probably bring on some kind of physical fight and she just didn't want that. the majority of her, the smart part of her, thought better of the idea. she handled her words with care as she spoke, trying to be honest about the situation. "to be honest, depression is just a diagnosis. it's what the doctors wrote down in my file. to me, there's a difference between being depressed and sad."

[/color] sad meant you had a broken heart, or a broken bone, or you were mourning. to shayna, sad meant all of the above and a little bit beyond. it was everything her heart felt when she was in pain, but it was everything her brain could figure out how to handle. when she was sad, she could still think. being under a despression spell was different. it felt like everything was wrong and she could only see the world in shades of gray. everything looked and felt the same. everything was plain. she couldn't find reasons to even want to get up from bed in the morning. but those days, those had been the worst. however, she hadn't had too many of them. those worst days had only been the ones that immediately followed her father's death. those didn't occur so much anymore. sometimes she didn't know if she was actually depressed, or if the management had created the depression for her because they were so quick to throw her away into the asylum. if they had given her time to mourn, perhaps she would have been okay.

shayna knew that what was happening between them was wrong, even though it didn't feel wrong. she knew that he was dangerous. hell, he'd already given a pretty decent example of it, and she wasn't exactly jumping for the next show. she knew that she annoyed the crap out of him and that they didn't exactly see eye to eye on every level. or any level, for that matter. but she also knew that they were human, and they were pretty much meant to go against everything that was right. not to mention, in a place like alkaline, circumstances were entirely different. things weren't meant to be social, they were meant to be therapuetic. she hadn't been sent here to find someone like conor and make fun little adventures out of running away from staff members. she was supposed to be sitting down on some shrink's couch explaining to him over and over again how certain things made her feel. but that was repetative and unnecessary. it wasn't like she was going to confess about her time with conor. she probably wouldn't even mention him unless it accidentally slipped out. in the beginning, her intentions had been innocent, and they still kind of were. was it so wrong to try and be friends with someone when you were locked up all day? no. there was nothing wrong with that. but illogically, in a matter of, what, a few hours? she had managed to feel a thousand different things that she had never felt before. it had been good times and bad times and fun times from the moment they ditched the infirmary. she didn't want it to end. she didn't know if what she was feeling for him was mutual, but it wasn't like she was going to risk anything by stating it verbally. feeling so strongly over someone she barely knew wasn't something she knew how to do. but she kind of liked it.

but there she was, holding his hand as if she hadn't just told herself all of that. she was only trying to be comforting. it wasn't like she loved him, or was trying to get him to love her. the only problem was that she wasn't exactly having a hard time imagining .. more. imagining holding his hand more often than not. meeting him on the roof again. oh god, no. she stopped the thoughts before he could have noticed how out of it she was. it wasn't right. it wasn't right for her to be thinking that way. he was conor, and she was shayna, and they were two level fours who happened to be in the right place at the right time under special circumstances. that's all they were and that's all they would ever be. she wasn't even sure how much friendship she would be getting out of this, let alone .. well. more than friendship. she didn't even want to think about it. what if she had said that outloud? he wasn't naive, innocent or ridiculously over imaginitive like she was. he wasn't feeling the same thing she was. or at least, that's what she believed. he would hate every thought she just had and definitely throw her off the roof. the thoughts alone made her feel utterly ridiculous and embarrassed. but he hadn't rejected her hand, or dropped it, or anything like that. so she had a little bit of hope. "you're not really making any sense to me, conor. it would be a lot of help if you explained yourself, or at least let me know what you're thinking."[/color] her tone wasn't angry or judgemental. just soft and caring, like she was. his explanation would have helped. it would help a fucking lot. he started out like he had to say something and then just ended with a whatever. like it wasn't important. she just needed to get into his mind, even for a half of a second. she needed some kind of idea as to what was happening.

she easily could have opened up and explained herself, explained every thought she had prior to her request. she wasn't open to that kind of humiliation. ever. for everything he told her, she could return the favor, but she didn't have enough initiative to do something like that on her own. she didn't have that kind of bravery or anything. he was frustrating and confusing and as of right now she had no idea what to think of anything. she didn't know if she should have been afraid of him or comfortable with him. at that moment, it was the latter. and for a split second, it kind of felt like high school. it felt like that, oh you're cute and nice, kind of crush. she could compare the feeling to talking to an unfamiliar boy in class for the first time and wondering, 'hey, what if..?' but it was so different. she wasn't flirting with a boy in her biology class. she was running away from men with needles with a boy who had anger problems. with a boy who wasn't going to give her the opportunity to think of any 'what if's'. honestly, she was acting irrational, thinking so far ahead about a boy she didn't know all that well. she was just going with a gut feeling. for some reason, she felt comfortable around him even though she shouldn't have. she was curious about him, even though she was hardly ever curious about anyone else in the building. she hadn't had a problem walking around the hallways with him even though she hated being in the hallways most of the time. there were all of these things that she was doing differently just for one person, and she figured there had to be some significance to that.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1337 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? SHE'S LIKE WHOA IDK WHAT IM DOING RN.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

Of course Conor understood what she meant; he was almost in the same situation. As there was a difference between sadness and actual depression, there was a difference between being angry and having a mental defect that made it even worse, right? Well. In his opinion there was. If there wasn't he wouldn't be fighting to get out of there, would he? No. He would be taking it and rolling with the punches because it was better for him here than putting others in 'danger' if he was in the real world, of course. Hell no. That was the exact opposite of what he thought. But maybe if she was so okay with it, he could be? Jesus christ, why was he working his life around some girl? This was stupid. It really didn't help that he knew nothing she felt. She could hate him and he wouldn't know, it was about time he figured it out though, seriously. He was just embarrassed to ask. What would he say. Or better yet, how the fuck would he phrase it. He had no idea about any of these questions, but he needed to. Because if she wasn't going to ask and just act like nothing was going on...then he needed to do something. Conor really was curious. There was no better excuse. "Well if that's it...then I understand, oh yes I do...seriously."

[/color] He said it all with an edge of surprise. Because he did get what she meant and it was...interesting she felt that way too. For things seeming completely opposite between them, there were plenty that were similar as well. This was a good thing. It meant that not all hope was gone for having a relationship comprised of more than just akwardly holding hands? The way Conor was thinking disgusted him a bit. It was so nice and wishful and not him. She was really making a damn strong impression on him. But he wasn't surprised; that's what you got when you were talking to someone who was way too nice and you were a person with serious anger issues. Things contrasted but quite a few were the same. It was kind of lucky though. Apparently there was hope yet for him.
The problem though, the true problem—was how he would say it. Or ask it, if need be. How he would ask what exactly was goig between them at the moment. He knew Shayna wanted to know. It was written all over her. He did too. So for the sanity and curiousity of both of them, someone needed to ask; and if she wasn't going to he would, so help him. Then again it was such an awkward question...if she took it the wrong way...then things were screwed all over again, surprise. Not really. But if Conor knew anything about himself it was that what he wanted to do was not always what he actually did, and right now asking Shayna how she felt was exactly what he needed to do. Soon. She wanted to know what he thought. And he was going to tell her. Because that was all that occupied his...thinking space? Currently. It was a dumb idea and an accident or yet another fight just waiting to happen. But for once Conor did not even fucking care, not at all. This was pretty important and if anything was to be established between them someone had to bring it up. As embarrassing and crazy as it would sound. The fear of misleading her and making her feel like he wanted something. Something he really was not wanting or going to mention. He just wanted to know what she thought of the relationship status...fuck this sounded exactly like they had known eachother for far more than a little over a week, but that was on and off, he talked to her one day earlier and now he was really talking. So two days? Hmm, well. Conor couldn't really fathom Shayna asking. But she wanted to know, he could tell. She was easy to read; it was simple trying to figure out what she wanted. The way things played out in his mind sucked, seriously sucked; but who cared. It was too late now. The descision seemed relatively wise and he would just easily bring it up, in that stupid, distorted way Conor said things he wasn't so sure about. This was definetly one of those situations. If she thought he made no sense before...it was going to get a hell of a lot worse.
Conor knew he made no sense. This was something about him he deeply wished was not there. He didn't understand himself half of the time, and you had absolutely no idea how hard that was. So when he was trying to format sentences before he said them, his compulsiveness mixed with ideas and it came out like...a load of crap. So when Shayna had to say something about it he was not shocked in the least bit. If he didn't get a remark about overreacting or getting upset for nothing he certainly got a load about how nothing he said was able to be put together. Yeah. That was common. "What I mean is...well that really wasn't important. I just wanted to say that I'm fine up here. Or I am now."[/color] No, it wasn't because he was holding her hand. Though that helped a bit. He just didn't know what he wanted to say in the first place. What he wanted to say was slightly irrelevant. Or at least it was now. He thought so. Because what he was going to say was that he liked her company; but that was just...not something he wanted to say. It was like...he had more important things. Like asking what she thought of him. That was important.
And now the time came. He had no idea. If she said no it was a seperate issue entirely; which made him a bit upset to think about. But it was really important. He didn't want to screw it up and if he did he was over. Not his life, really. But he was going to be depressed. Of course he would. It was life. And he didn't want to fuck up the only, possible serious...love? No. Jesus. Love was a interesting concept to Conor. Because he really never had much experience in this part of life. So if things did work out as planned...then he would still be confused. Yeah. Okay. "Uhm. Well, what I meant. Was what do..."[/color] Conor stopped and sighed. He just needed to blurt it out. Go on. All he needed to say was something along the lines of 'what do you think of us' but things could go much, much differently. Probably they would. He needed to keep up with what he was saying. There was too much of a pause between what he was saying. Ugh. He was being overdramatic. "What do you think of...things right now. Exactly. I know we've only like...been talking for less than a day. But what do you think. Like...of me. Or just things between...us. In general. I told you what I thought. See. Now just tell me..." Conor smiled a bit. How was he happy? Well he said it. He could be happy. But he just didn't know what she would say. Which was what he was really wondering. He just wanted to hear something affirming from her. It was so stupid, he was really feeling something so important for her. Shayna. He did like her; though. She was sincere and she was easygoing? Well maybe not the latter, but she was the best, fucking person you coud ever meet in an asylum, Conor was sure. One hundred percent.[/size][/blockquote] 

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1342 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...SHAYNA NEEDS TO LOVE HIM. RN OR HES GONNA DIE, FOR SRS [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

he wanted to know what she thought of him. what she thought of them. what she thought of everything. why did it feel like that was so hard to answer? she had already gone over everything in her head, but vocalizing her opinion on the subject didn't exactly seem like the best thing to do. but she was shayna, and all she had to do was talk herself into it. hell, she was a singer, a performer. she wrote down her life and her emotions on a piece of a paper and a few weeks later they were being played for everyone in the world to hear. people knew how she felt all the time. but that was different than what she was doing with conor at that moment. letting the world hear a song wasn't intimate. it was just people listening to words with a melody and only shayna knew the real meaning behind it all. but telling conor what she felt without the guitar to back her up wasn't something she knew how to do. this whole thing was intimate and private and overwhelming. she wasn't worried about what he thought of what she was thinking. she was more worried about whether or not he was thinking the same things. was he thinking about how much time they would have left or how little time they had only spent together? did it matter to him that they actually had been speaking for a few days? she highly doubted that he shared the same nervous feelings that were filling her gut. she wished she wasn't like this. she wished she didn't get so worked up over such little things. but her reaction to his request only further proved that she was starting to crush on him, even after only knowing him for such a little amount of time.

okay, okay. she'd answer his question. not because she felt obligated to or because she felt bad for him. she would answer his question because she wanted to. and she would hopefully get some clarification in return from him as well. but that was just a blind leap of faith. here's to hoping. "well, you. i like you. y'know, you're fun to be with and stuff,"

[/color] oh god, how much worse of an answer could she possibly give? the poor boy was probably looked for a solid answer and here she was being so freaking vague. ugh. she thought about it for another second, before attempting to come up with a better, more honest answer. "i feel like i should be terrified of you right now, but i'm not. i mean, you don't scare me like you probably should. no offense, or anything. it's just that normally, everyone in this place scares me."[/color] she shrugged, hoping that was a good enough answer. i like you. she wanted to say it with more sincerety. i like you more than i should. she wanted to explain how wrong it was but how right it felt. conor. ugh. she'd go to bed tonight wondering what the hell he was thinking, as pathetic and sappy as that was. but you couldn't really blame her. someone knew, someone great, someone extremely confusing, had come into her life unexpectedly and it was going to be on her mind for a while. it wasn't like she had anything else to think about. but then again, she wasn't complaining. if she didn't mind conor's company, why would she mind him occupying her thoughts?

okay. what did she think of them? and the situation they were in. well, first of all, she knew they were royally screwed once they decided it was time to go back down into the building. there were two scenerios. either no one had been around to see what happened and they were in the clear, or someone saw it and they were currently being hunted. she was betting on the latter. she didn't know how long it would take for them to decide that chasing down two kids wasn't worth their time, but if they figured out who the kids were, and if they figured out they were two level fours who were supposed to be in their rooms, then they were in even more trouble. what was worse for conor, was that if they realized it was him who had been yelling at, god forbid, shayna heart, he would probaby get it even worse. because to the staff, she was valuable. to everyone, she had some kind of price on her head. it was annoying and stupid and she hated it. but it was reality. she wasn't entirely worried about what would happen later. she was more focused on the now. with conor. "i think,"[/color] she started, trying to figure out how to word it, "i think that you and i, i think we have.. potential."[/color] and once that was out floating between them, she had to explain herself and do it quickly before he thought she was a clingy nutjob. "but i mean, i get that it's only been a few days. and that it doesn't really make sense. i know i should be feeling like this but i am and i like holding your hand and i'm just going to stop now."[/color] and with that, she stopped speaking and hoped that she hadn't just made as big of a fool of herself as she thought she did.

oh god, what had she just done? completely fucked things over, that's what. because if he had been feeling the exact opposite, then he now thought there was something even more mentally wrong with her. and that was saying something considering he was locked up in an asylum, too. she couldn't help but feel a little bit .. relieved .. at the feeling of not hiding all of that anymore. it didn't feel like such a heavy burden. now the only thing she had to worry about was whether or not he now wanted to get away from her as fast as possible. she wasn't clingy, but she just really liked him. she liked how he contrasted everything about her and his rare smiles that she could occasionally catch. those were things she was supposed to be feeling weeks after knowing someone, not just days. something about him was charming, in an insensitive, angry kind of way. maybe it was the sudden timidness that followed up the anger. he stuttered out the request for her to tell him her thoughts and she didn't think that was like him. she kind of had the feeling that part of him cared, because other wise he wouldn't have asked. he still wouldn't be holding her hand if there wasn't something. or maybe he was just saving it as his grip to push her off the edge. she didn't know. falling of the building would feel a lot less painful that sitting there in the silence and waiting for him to tell her how crazy she was. she shouldn't have said anything. she should have learned to keep her mouth shut.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1235 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? AWESOMESAUCE.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

After saying everything he seriously doubted he ever would have, Conor felt strange: just like everything else in his life. He was waiting impatiently for her to say he was a messed up, twisted excuse for a human. But she hadn't said anything and that just made him even more worried. If that was even possible, which he doubted it was at this point, but after all that had happened he shouldn't doubt anything. Because anything is possible. Well not like that; like follow your dreams shit. Like what you didn't think you would ever even try to do, you just did. A second ago. This was his exact feeling and it was annoying him very, very much. No taking it back now, though. He could dream. And dream he did. Simply because it was the stupidest, most worst-phrased sentence or just plain out mass of words he had ever heard. It was sad. A sad question. He was sad if he thought it was essential to ask about it, too. This was all too much to handle, apparently. It didn't surprise him. His idea of liking someone didn't help either. No one said he was just someone who didn't respect relationships; serious or otherwise. He did, yes, but he just seemed to jump into them a bit too quickly, before he really knew who this person was. Which was an extreme risk in his...state. Ugh, he sounded like some doctor or someone else he hated. This was all a dumb idea. He didn't really even know what he wanted to hear or what he was going to expect from her for that matter. Of course he wanted something nice and not a sign that she hated him. But everyone did. Or at least Conor thought so. No, not that everyone hated him. Just that people wanted good news. Even he did, quite frankly.
As he was hyperventilating (inside, mind you) Shayna decided to finally answer him. And this only really made him freak out even more, as she dragged out every single word and he just wanted to know what she thought. Was that too much to ask, really? It seemed like that was plausible. Or he thought, until she finally told him something. Which he had no idea about. What the fuck did she mean anyway? He was fun...okay? Great. He didn't know. He didn't. He had no idea what she was talking about, clarificaton would be just lovely. And luckily that came a split second later. This time it was an affirming answer. The one he had been looking for. It wasn't like he went around wanting to scare the crap out of everyone, no. He did not want that at all. Especially from someone like Shayna, who seemed to become gradually more and more important in his mind, his sick, fucked up mind. Of course. Like that wasn't expected. But he was not offended by this. It was good. If Conor didn't scare her it was just one major hurdle that was passed. And he appreciated it. It was important that she wasn't scared out of her wits by being in his presence; even after their near...capture? Experience. Well. It was true and it was good to know she seemed relatively forgiving if she got over what he had said earlier oh-so-colorfully. Granted. He would take it back given the chance. Anyone would. But since this wasn't possible and thongs were going damn well without a magic eraser...it was okay, for now. Hmmm. He must have done something right. He just had no idea what it was? Ugh. What would he say though...about Shayna...well, there was quite a bit. A versatile bit too. He didn't know where to even start, as daunting as it seemed. But since she gave him her version of her honest truth, he just needed to give his, right? Yep. Now what. It just didn't need to come out stupid. That was all he asked from his brain. Do not make this, of all things, sound stupid and confusing like you notoriously do. Not right now. "I don't really get what you mean about the fun thing, no. But what I was going to say, just so you know..." Conor started and tried to think of how to continue with relevance and without being an ass at the same time, which he did quite a bit. Well, here goes nothing, as they say. "Is that I guess the feeling is mutual except it's how I feel with you and I'm not even afraid to begin with. Because who the hell would be afraid of you. Really. And I don't know if I am terrified of everyone here, so."

[/color] He shrugged, too. He had no idea what the heck he just rambled about, but it was definetly something inside and in between all that extra filler shit. So there. He started off in the right way, or so he thought. Remarking on her current place on the food chain here was certainly nothing out of the ordinary, she didn't seem to mind when he commented on it. Probably because she knew he was right, as always. Oh, Conor. Always so, so modest. That wasn't one of his specialties. It was not really that he had a huge ego. It was just called extreme pride from constantly being on top of things because everyone was way to afraid to have it any other way. And if that wasn't what Shayna thought, then that was great. It wasn't offensive at all. Just...unexpected. He wasn't used to being dealt with so easily, to say the least. Too bad everyone wasn't like her, in those regards. He couldn't live with such a stubborn population.
On the other hand. He had no idea what to make of them. As many times as he had said it, the whole relationship was so moody and pms-ish that it was hard to pinpoint or call this or that. Depending on what time you came at or what you heard, they could have been extreme enemies or extreme friends. Right now they could be seen as extreme loves. Even though he assumed neither knew it, the whole thing was pretty satisfying and pleasuring and good to know. He was the only person that knew this that he was aware of though. Sigh. There was always a catch. His thoughts almost made him miss what Shayna was saying about them, but some part of him managed to snap back into reality and the rest just followed suit. What she was saying was kind of how Conor wanted it to be. That easy. They...had potential. As a pair. Hmm. Right now it was like this, but only if it stayed this way- simple and not crazy and no random outbursts included whatsoever. Which they were getting closer to. But they weren't there officially. Almost. And then she started...rambling was pretty dramatic. Because Conor did this religiously and that seemed like a far cry from rambling or going overboard. She was just saying a lot. That was all. But what she said was another story; it was reassuring to hear, honestly. He should have figured out she liked holding his hand by now. That was the most obvious of everything she said. He agreed. He did. He had no idea if it was safe or even sane for that matter to be liking someone you barely knew and could possibly destroy in less than a minute, more so mentally than psyhically. But they were in a mental facility and he wasn't going to pretend that he didn't like her and if he was here he might as well do whatever he wanted, because it was a lot easier than you would have thought or than they had implied in the first place. So when he heard what she said he really couldn't help but laugh A LITTLE and be happy. That sounded stupid, so scratch the last part, laugh a little and agree, he meant. He didn't really want to just say he felt the same way again though. She needed a specific answer, or so he assumed. He enjoyed them, so she needed to as well. "You don't need to worry about rambling. That's my job and what you did was not fucking rambling, so. Uh. I guess I feel the same way...but I mean, it can't be entirely wrong. If we are already in a mental facility it can't be that bad, although...when you think about it there are risks." It sounded a bit like a question, because it really was. He never considered all the possibilites. There was a plethora. Too many, when you were talking about punishments or 'what could happen' or just cause and effect. He hated it.
And that, by now, was really the only thing causing the descision to be questionable. There were a few catches hee and there, as always. And being in an asylum where you were a level four and so was the person you were in love -yes, love...he wasn't too sure- with, there were many consequences. Not to mention he didn't know what would happen when they got down from the top of the building anyway, which was why you could say it was the perfect time for him to say whatever he felt and not even fucking care. Because he didn't. He shoudn't, not anymore. You were already insane. So crushing on someone who also was couldn't be that horrible, not in Conor's mind at least. So this was also the reason why he figured he should just add his input. Even more so than he already had, which wasn't too much. "So, I mean...I guess I do like you too, you know? It's kind of nice that you're just chill with everything, but I guess if we are both what some call 'insane' then I couldn't expect any less. But I figured I'd say that since we are probably fucked when we get down from here. I think." In the usual Conor fashion, the statement was such a jumbled mess. Some people thought this was cute, which he would really never understand or try to. But hopefully this wouldn't catch up to him, even though he didn't really see how telling someone you had feelings for them, big feelings, was a sin or something. It felt different to have all the...tension? Secrecy, maybe. It was all mostly gone, from what he could tell. How it all worked out could be considered cliche. But he didn't fucking care. It was nice for once to have things go your way. [/size][/blockquote] 

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1821 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS even thoigh i was listening to corona radiata, that song that scares me even though it's seven, long instrumental minutes? other important stuff...HES SO LOST. AND HERE WE ARE WITH SUPERWORDCOUNT :oo HES LIEK SPILLING HIS GUTS SO APPRECIATE IT. [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

even though shayna couldn't exactly make perfect sense of what he was saying, she understood the gist of it. or at least she thought she did. she assumed that he felt pretty much the same way, and that made feel really good about everything. she didn't feel so nervous anymore, and she wasn't so afraid of him turning her away, because he wouldn't. well, she was still clinging to that false hope, but still. even in false hope, there was a good reason to have it. she couldn't help but smile the tiniest bit as he went on about how he couldn't be scared of her. because she understood that, really. there wasn't a threatening bone in her body, and no one would ever be afraid of her. however, it wasn't like she was looking to scare people away. she didn't mind having no fear factor over people. she had always been extremely happy with being the girl that people weren't scared of. she could tell that he was telling the truth with every word he spoke. it wasn't like she was good at reading peoples lies from their truths, because she wasn't. but from the way he seemed to pick and choose his words carefully, it seemed as though he was trying to figure out how he felt, not figure out how he was going to feed her lies. she liked hearing his voice on the matter though; knowing that she wasn't alone in feeling what she felt made things a whole lot easier in her head. she wasn't freaking out anymore, and the butterflies had left her stomach. she couldn't help but start to feel unexpectedly shy, as his feelings were coming into play now, she was beginning to retreat to the shayna she had been before fame and before the asylum. the shy shayna who blushed too easily and tripped over her own words. but she was going to do her best to play it off like it was nothing. that was what she did best, right? mask what she felt. hey, she had done pretty damn well with her sad face. it was so easy for her to pretend that she was happy, that she actually started becoming happier. that's a saying, isn't it? once you pretend to be something for a long enough time, that's who you become.

"sure, there's risks and rules, but that doesn't really matter to me."

[/color] that may have been a little stretch of the truth. rules did matter to shayna, because she had always been so careful not to break them. until today at least. in the matter of a few hours, she had managed to break multiple rules and piss off a few staff members, as well as take refuge with a fellow level four on the roof. not only was she illegally out of her basement 'room', but she was on the roof, which was prohibited from students, and she was taking a risk in all of it. but some how, it didn't seem so bad. if someone caught her breaking these rules, she wouldn't really mind the consequences. to her, this was all worth it. the rules didn't feel so important anymore. "if we get caught, we get caught. if we get hurt, we get hurt. that's just part of..."[/color] and she trailed off, because she knew that the end of her sentence would probably freak him out. falling in love. getting hurt was part of falling in love. not so much the getting caught part, because that was specifically unique to their case in the asylum. but getting emotionally hurt was something the frequented the love emotion. however, she knew it was way to early to even be considering that emotion. like way, way early. she didn't know if conor was afraid of commitment or not, but talking about falling in love with someone you just meet isn't exactly the best strategy to keep them around. "part of living where we do. i guess."[/color] she hoped he hadn't caught her hesitation, even though it had been carelessly obvious. cautiously, she bit her lip, trying to remind herself that even if conor didn't think she rambled, she knew very well that she said to much.

yeah, getting down from the roof was going to be a problem. maybe she hadn't thought the plan through as entirely well as she thought she had. they had gotten up here just fine, and so far, they had kept their hideout pretty safe from attention. but sooner or later the sun would start to set and it wasn't like they could camp out on the roof without blankets or anything like that. it wouldn't work. nor was it safe. not to mention, shayna already had a sleeping problem. she should have been diagnosed with insomnia over depression. it was probably her lack of sleep that had led her brain into thinking everything was going wrong. or maybe it was the other way around, and her depression kept her up at night. plus, they didn't allow her to take medication before she went to sleep, which made her not want to fall asleep in fear of nightmares. it was just one vicious circle. she never knew if she was going to have a bad dream or not, but she didn't need conor present for when she started freaking out in her sleep and woke up terrified. but how would they even begin to get down? they could probably sneak back in the way they came, but they'd have to be extremely careful about getting back down into their basement without being seen, and that was hard to do when security cameras flooded the premisis. they could go through the door that was located on the roof with them, but that would take them straight into the middle of the offices, where staff members were at their highest population. oh yes, shayna had not thought this through.

"so, i don't exactly know where to go from here. i mean, with the roof situation. it's not like we can spend the night out here, but it's not like we can sneak back in unseen either."[/color] while the situation was not looking up, shayna couldn't help but be ecstatic over the fact that conor had pretty much just admitted that he liked her like she liked him. maybe she was interpretting things wrong, but for the moment, she didn't give a damn. was it sick of her to already feel so much dependency for one person? was it bad that she already knew that when she woke up in the morning, she was probably going to want to see him again. at that moment, he was her only real friend in the facilities. yeah, she knew other people and said hi to them, but she had never opened up so much to one person. she had never put so much trust into one person so quickly. "we could go the way we came, and risk getting caught, or go in that other door, and risk getting caught, or spend the night up here and risk getting sick. i hope you're creative with escape plans, because i'm not."[/color] maybe under other circumstances, she would have had a better idea as to how to get down. but right then, she was just too busy thinking about him. thinking about what could be. thinking about what she would be doing if she hadn't gone to infirmary. she couldn't stop repeating to herself how stupid it was for her to be feeling so much so quickly. it was irrational and made absolutely no sense. but hey, her grandparents had met on a monday and gotten married the next tuesday. not that she was implying anything about marriage. oh god now. she was simply reminding herself that sometimes emotions as strong as love were relentless, and didn't take as much time as people thought it did. love. how ridiculous. thinking about that word after a few days. maybe she was only thinking about it because being in an enclosed space limited her options and her ability to feel what a human being was supposed to feel. but it wasn't like conor seemed to be disagreeing, so her worries kind of started to fade away. at least until she started thinking about how they were going to get down.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1455 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? CUTENESS.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

He wasn't too sure about the escape plan part of things, but he was damn creative and maybe it would work out right now. Then again, he had no idea about his skills with layouts. Layouts of a rather large building he had only been in for a short time. It was the end, this was true. He would either be killed or something else he had no idea about nor any desire to think about- but maybe he wouldn't be killed. Okay, that was a stretch. But Shayna would get some serious amount of meds shoved down her throat and that could not be exciting or very fun, so. For once it was lose lose in Conor's eyes? Wow. That accounted for something. At least they got that whole...relationship ordeal over and done with; so at least if they were thrown in some obscenely small cell together for, well, god knew how long...it wouldn't be horribly awkard and at least Conor would have something to look at. Eew, that sounded so fucking perverted. At least he would and COULD look at her without totally having a panic attack. Or possibly blushing uncontrollably. Maybe. He hoped. Right? No one wanted that. And being the person he was, Conor wasn't particularly fond of emotional showings. He better get used to it though. He could imagine this would be popular and would happen very, very often when in a relationship. Sadly. Not that he would self destruct if he ever did...but he would rather not? Oh, Conor. You're so pathetic. That's what you got when you had a serious agression issue though. He just hoped Shayna didn't mind. But he found this to be unlikely, because she was obviously getting flustered. Oh sweet christ. He knew it. He didn't need to come on so strong...if those were the right words. Maybe that was just her being happy, but Conor found this hard to believe right now. Not that he thought he fucked everything up, again...but just that maybe he should have waited. But it was just a shot in the dark and here she was feeling the same way. And that had to count for something. 
He smiled a bit at the way she was just totally speaking like...he didn't know. Like she was in some far off land. Sure. She wasn't like, dazed. It was just so fanciful and love-filled. And this repulsed Conor a bit, along with overjoyed him. Part of him was a normal person. This part was about half a quater of him, and this was just a rough estimation. The other part was disgusted by cuteness and love and all of life's happy things, because behing this was a whole lot of shit. Like people loving you for no reason and leaving you...or, getting into some drug that was addicting. And that was his life story. That was his mom for you. Some would say reality (or his mother, in that sense) scared the crap out of him. But not really. He just resented having her as part of his family. If she hadn't have gotten screwed over so much he could be okay. He didn't know this and he wasn't sure of it. Because the whole thing was possibly a sign that his brain was seriously fucked up. Or it could have been because of a 'traumatizing event' as shocking as it was for Conor to consider as an option. He doubted it, but keep an open mind, right? Yeah. He would try, at least. Conor shrugged at her response. It didn't completely make sense, although he was betting this was because he didn't like to think of everything in such shades of grey. He was black and white, simple. It sucked or it was great. Life was so easy that way. "I guess. They're not just simple risks though. And this is a seriously far cry from living. Let's be honest."

[/color] It was true, this was living while being monitored closely by people who knew nothing about you; all but a file. Which, in Conor's case, could be full of lies and shit. Maybe his name wasn't Conor and he didn't have a mental illness and he was just lying and dreaming and this would all be over. Well, no. But still. He wished. He could take care of himself, thank you. He was not a child. By now he had white a few legal privileges. Like being considered an adult. Right? He couldn't drink. Not yet. But let's just say that never stopped people very well. Too bad. "I mean, unless you're that insane and you enjoy this. Because really...hah. That's fucked up. To each his own. So they tell me."[/color] Conor added. If she enjoyed this excuse for suspense, so be it. He wouldn't disrupt it, whatever made her and her precious fame happy. He could imagine not caring what she thought wouldn't be a good idea. Not really.
He sighed. No. He wasn't too hot with escape plans, like said earlier. He never really made one because he never even really planned on ditching staff members in the knick of time so they could save both of their asses. No, not at all. He should have expected it though. On the other hand, plenty of times during his short stay (so far) he contemplated leaving in some dramatic fashion, he just forgot how and he was not on a roof and he was not between a rock and a hard place, and he was the only person involved in the scheme, but most importantly, he had never, ever— tried to put his plan into action. So he had absolutely no idea if it was fullproof or completely haphazard. Like said, though. The only way out of this seemed to be down the stairs or into the door of doom. Both were horribly unappealing and ended badly in his mental scenarios. So right now the questions on his mind were, what were the pros and cons for each route, who was in their way on each route, and who would be easiest to stab without remorse and or capture shortly afterward. The latter was a tough one, or at least the 'capture' part was. He knew he could stab all the fucking guts out of a therapist or office worker. Without feeling anything. Yep, he was great like this. Hmm. He needed her help though, she had been here considerably longer and she seemed to be damn good at running away right now, or at least by his standards she was. "THANKS FOR THAT, captain obvious. Because everyone knows we are absolutely screwed. And just after we exchanged all...of that. You know."[/color] Conor stuttered a bit and smiled mockingly. They were screwd, no doubt. But maybe...well, no. He could only harm so many people in such...little time, and- depending on how many and if there were even any people awaiting their arrival to begin with- it was only so easy to do this all before someone tried to stop you, right? Anyone knew that. But he wasn't really focused on the impending doom and destruction, nope. He was far, far too in love and infatuated and too in love with Shayna and just plain...happily normal for once. Wow. What a fucking relief. As expected from a mental wreck, though- he was scared of this whole commitment thing and god knew the possibilites of things he could do if she...started hating him randomly. He wasn't going to use the phrase 'broke up' because he really had no idea if they were that close or just at a friendship level that was unusually hand-holding-ish. He didn't really know that, yet.
So when considering and weighing the various options she presented, it seemed more likely to him that the better descision was to just tread very, very lightly down the way they came. So. He didn't see much good in this, but inside the other door there was most likely a jungle, if you know what I mean. God knew how many people there could be. Then again, this could be his rampant imagination being a bitch to him. He had no idea. But since things seemed to suck all over and he was going to have some shit to deal with in the end, he figured he would ask something else of Shayna. But first he had to inform her of his plan of domination. Well, not so much that. "Uh, well. Considering I have no fucking idea how many people there would be that-a-way," Conor nodded toward the direction of door number one, continuing. "I think...I think we should go back. I'm not good with this stuff, ugh. It's probably suicidal to have chosen that way, but you asked. So. It seemed to me like we are screwed either way, so. I was just guessing. A lot." He shrugged sheepishly and braced himself just a little. What he wanted to ask was what exactly she thought of their relationship status. Not if they were close, just if she considered this whole thing love or just friendship. To be honest Conor did like the sound of love. A person like Shayna and love. But he also feared it. Hmm. "So I just figured I would ask what you thought of our...uhm. Relationship status as opposed to potential? Uh..."[/color] He looked nervous and came off nervous and this all sucked. Conor was a mess. A certifiable mess. And he refused to ever tell whatever therapist it was next about any of it. So good luck.
[/size][/blockquote]
tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1652 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...SHAYNA IS GETTIN PESTERED AGAINNN :3 [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

even though she shouldn't have, shayna was already beginning to develop a comfortable sense around conor, especially know that they had just kind of spilled everything and come to terms with each other. she did not have to be worried about him judging her for feeling so much so quickly. she was only acting a bit flustered because he was making her nervous, but nervous in a good way. nervous like, butterflies in her stomach. nervous like, a first crush. she didn't mean to seem so far off or hesitate from telling him what she really wanted to tell him. that's just how she was. if she came right out and said, yeah, so taking risks is part of falling in love, which is exactly what we're doing right now. i hope you don't mind that i wear my heart on my sleeve and you've already taken it, you could bet that everything would go right back to feeling awkward and tense. let's just keep breaking rules and be together, yeah? even though it goes against everything. that was verbally suicidal of her. she could only imagine how he would react to her expressing that orally. not only would he have some snippy comment for her, but she might as well have already taken her own step off of the roof. but that feeling, that was something shayna did not want. she wanted things like they were. for the most part. smooth, simplistic. okay, maybe not simplistic, because nothing between the two of the was simple, but you get the idea. she was stubborn and naive and he was aggressive and understood things so much more than her. she understood the good things, he understood the bad. where was the sense in putting two polar opposites together? there would be bumps in the road, and there already were, but they could make their way over them and continue doing whatever it was they were doing. it was like to two of them were carefully dancing around the fact that they were falling way too fast. but like he had stated, to each his own, right?

shayna couldn't help but smile a little bit, over everything. it was a cute smile, a shy smile. luckily she was able to keep the blush from crawling onto her cheeks. she was just ... really happy where she was at the moment. happy to have met conor. happy to be with him. glad that they were both so insane that they were already proclaiming extreme like (maybe even love?) for each other. it didn't seem possible, but it had to be because it was happening at that very moment. involunantarily, she moved slightly closer to him, not even realizing she had made the action. it wasn't like she had moved super super close. just closer. as to not be so distant. "well if you want to get snippy again,

[/color] she started, a teasing smile on her face, "i'll find my way back down without you and you can figure out your own escape plan."[/color] of course, she would never do something like that. for two reasons. one, she liked him way too freaking much to ever leave him behind. she wouldn't take that risk. and two, she was shayna, and naturally, that made her feel obligated to help and put a risk into helping. now, the latter was much less important than the first reason. conor meant a thousand times more to her than her own safety did. had anyone else been with her making snippy comments, well, she probably would have left them behind. maybe. she would have found some way to get them back down from the roof, but she wouldn't have taken credit for it. "or you can stay out here all night long and wait for me to come back in the morning to get you."[/color] the amused smirk remained on her face, even as she knew they were heading back into dangerous territory with their attitudes.

he already seemed to have their escape route down, even though there a thousand things that could possibly go wrong. that didn't exactly mean anything though, because she didn't see any possible escape route that wouldn't have something wrong with it. they were going to have to roll with the punches, and hope to god that they got lucky. however, she kind of figured that neither of them had that much luck on their side, especially since they had landed themselves in an asylum. her only faith was in the fact that they had luckily been in the infirmary at the same time. yeah, she considered that lucky. even though she sliced open her finger, to her, now it seemed like a fortunate event, because she had ended up coming across conor, and ended up forming this .. love linked friendship out of it. if that made any sense at all. it had been lucky that conor had fucked up his hand doing god knows what. winning, he had said. she assumed, obviously, he had gotten into some sort of a fight, but she didn't want to pry into it. still, it had been lucky that whatever happened with him happened. this series of fortunate events had eventually ended up to create their meeting, thus the circumstances had led them to where they were know. feeling what they were. thinking about it confused her a little but, also made her grateful everything had happened like it did. "yeah, i suppose our best shot is back the way we came. we just have to be .. careful. about everything. i don't want you getting caught."[/color] exactly. she didn't want him getting caught, because that meant he would face those awful consequences and he would have to suffer while she sat and waited to see him again. time in detention could span for days. who knew how pissed the staff would be. it wasn't a secret that they ran inhumane procedures and tests on delinquent patients. she would not let that happen to him. it was already planned that she would throw herself in the line of fire if necessary. no way was she letting conor take the heat.

if shayna was afraid of anything, it certainly wasn't love. she was afraid of thunderstorms, she was afraid of the dark, she was afraid of the staff members testing her. reality scared the shit out of her. bugs weren't her thing. sharp objects in the hands of scary people made her want to cry. being alone forever was something she worried about more often than not. but love? not so much. if you couldn't tell already, that was something she wasn't afraid of at all. maybe falling in love too fast, or getting her heart broken, but love? no. love was great. and conor, he was great too. and loving conor? that would make her just about the happiest girl in the world. but why was it when he asked their relationship status, she wanted to runaway and hide? it wasn't because she was afraid to be with him. oh god no. of couse she wanted to be with him. she was just worried that maybe, there was that off chance that he didn't feel much for her at all. "our relationship status..."[/color] she pondered over the thought, not sure of how to go about answering this. in truth, she wanted to so badly to say that they should be together. officially. even though that broke so many more rules. but hey, why stop now? not to mention, shayna wasn't much of a liar. she wasn't good at it and she hated doing it. bravely, she let her eyes find his. she didn't want him to think that by not making eye contact, she might have been lying. because there was no possible way she could lie about something like this. "well, i .. i uhm. i guess i'm .. i'm yours. if you want me to be."[/color] and as she tripped over her words, the blush made its way onto her cheeks, but she couldn't help but feel good saying what she did. every bone in her body had been telling her to just shut up. saying that was a bad idea. putting herself in the vulnerable position was stupid and naive and she was just setting herself up for rejection. but she did it, and there was no taking it back. if he didn't like what she had said, if he chose to walk away, then she would bow out gracefully and they could pretend like they had never even had this discussion. naturally though, she didn't want that. she had already decided that she wanted him for herself as well.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1528 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? I LOVE THIS POST MORE THAN LIFE AND ITS KINDA LONG TOO XD.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

Conor could have been considered the perfect example of the saying don't judge a book by it's cover. Of all people no one would really expect the psycho, angry, sympathy-less eighteen year old to be someone who actually liked the sound of a happy, bubbly little blonde chick saying she would be yours if you wanted her to. What. The sentence took awhile to register with Conor and he was surprised he didn't totally smile like an idiot and start falling all over her. Love is blind, as they say but he refused to let it be so. About as much as he wanted her to like him; he also didn't. The possibility of her lying right to him or her getting a misconception was rather large. He didn't want to tempt...well, fate either by her hanging around with him too much. As important as it was there lied the looming potential of Conor. The potential to go insane and hurt someone or something or her. Shudder. He could put it off as much as he wanted to, but it was simply inveitable. Well, maybe not so much, but he didn't want to risk it. She could almost be considered a liability as opposed to a love interest, but he did not fucking care. He needed to stop caring, if he did so much he wouldn't be on a roof, with a level four, confessing to love and thinking of how to avoid the plethora of staff on their way back to safety, would he? No. When they did decide to put their plan into action though, he wondered if they would be able to have more time together in a very long detention moment. He would appreciate this if so. It wasn't like he wanted to get...uh, personal? But that was quite the possibility if you were in a room together. A small room? Conor had no idea. He hadn't gone there yet, thank god. He assumed that his first time would come inexplicably soon, though. Then again there was always the chance he could just be approached by a dude with a needle and totally pass out. Leaving Shayna very, very vulnerable to defeat. And then he would wake up in the middle of nowhere feeling high and drowsy with a knife in his hand. No. Probably not. That was his lovely imagination again.  The question was who would really take all the shit foe everything? He didn't know, but it was damn likely he would. He had a pissy fit (yes, pissy not hissy) and look at them now, on a roof and almost about to be killed sadistically. Well, that was his job; he was supposed to kill them like a monster with his knife. After all, he was the one with sadistic personality disorder. Keyword was sadistic. He would kill them all savagely and then retreat to his cell. Genius. He could see it all now.
It was hard to be annoyed or angered or short fused when you had Shayna acting like some shy...girl from school who giggled every time you walked by and you just kind of stared. Well, none of the above ever happened to Conor, but he had seen these things play out and it worked that way mostly. Not that he dissaproved. He just had little experience. Regrettably. It didn't seem to matter though. She was infatuated so far. This could have been a bit of a self centered statment. It sounded it. But he didn't care, really. His mind was skipping through worrying about Shayna's feelings for him and how she currently felt, what he would say to all of it in the end, and how they would get down. Jumping off was not a possibility. Never. It would end in a lovely splat and there would be love no longer. How sad. Well. Better figure out the gist of the conversation and get off his ass so he could make up some grand escape route. Or that was the plan until she moved a bit closer to him. Oh. Wow. There was something. Really. He sighed a bit, a happy sigh. If that was even possible. Right now, all aside from the impending doom...things were mellow for him, so much so he kind of felt like sitting here and doing nothing and just letting them find both himself and Shayna sitting on a roof holding hands. That sounded so...so much like love? He didn't know. But alas, that would not end well at all. At least if they made a suicide attempt by taking their previous path down Conor could somehow pretend he was a step away from shoving her off a roof and she somehow saved herself. Yeah, that sounded so legitimate. No, it sucked heavily. Well. Too bad for them. "Not trying to. I'm just trying to save our asses, if you don't mind. Any ideas yet. Please. I'm kind of lost?"

[/color] He pleaded. His well of creativity had run a bit dry and there was no other idea in his mind aside from the previous one which really wasn't bright, although she didn't seem to even care. He smirked a bit to match her satisfied expression. "I would be able to find my way down by then. Hah. I have a knife. They'd all be slaughtered before you."[/color] He said with a tone of wonder and amazment. It was amazing how he just described his plan of evil murder to her. He was such a bad influence on innocence, he really was.
She didn't want him caught; he didn't want her harmed. Two different things. If she was given a few extra pills then she wouldn't be harmed, but if there were sharp items used he would use his 'sharp item' or weapon of mass destruction to wreak havoc and save them both. But something told him she seemed pretty unlikely to save them. Sure, he would have a sense of faith in her because he was a bit in love with her. Maybe a lot in love. He would not be biased though. He would do everything fairly. She could probably put up a good lie and make it sound like she- the depressed little tweenie idol-was trying to harm or do something else to the rather intimidating psychosocial freak. Good luck with that. Kudos for trying. That was all he could say. Not even the dimwitted nimrods here would probably believe something so far fetched as that. She was rather tall, but that was all she had going for her. That was it. Shame. "On the contrary, I would say you're the one who needs protection. I'm not implying you're a wimp, because you are not. But I don't think it would be too bad if I was not able to prevent the...unpreventable. Do you? I mean; you've got more experience here. No offense. I'm just not familiar with the points system here, nor the rules..."[/color] And this was true. He wasn't. His short time here did not qualify him for this type of exercise of skil, not at all. And here he was still feeling obliged to take the weight of her issues upon him. Sometimes he did think he was insane. Conor was too responsible at times. Shocker. The mental case, responsible. Everthing was just a surprise, wasn't it. Although. Being in the infirmary at the same time was lucky and not so much. Because he met Shayna for one, and look at what happened now. Things had gotten close and kind of personal. But. His hand was fucked. Hopefully his other hand still functioned or this one knew how to grip something. Something sharp. Yep. Just a very blind shot in the dark here. He had no idea. But whatever worked, right? As long as he didn't cut himself everything was just fine.
He had almost no idea what she meant when she was trying to act sexy or something. He could have her if he wanted? Just say you had feelings- of love in particular-for him, the world would be a happy place. But she must have meant it. She was looking right at him and as uncomfortable as it was, the whole thing was also kind of affirming. If she wanted to take the fall for the whole thing earlier and their ending up here, she could. If she wanted to stare right at him and profess her feelings she could; it all had to add up and count for something after the fact, right? Yeah. Especially with Shayna, she was too nice to lie to him like that, seeming so truthful and not meaning any of it wasn't her. From what he could tell so far, that was. Of all issues he should have with her why trust? She seemed easily trusting in others and easy to trust. She couldn't be lying so easily. She would be on the verge of tears or something if she was, he had no idea. That's why she probably was not the best choice for his protection. Maybe she wasn't a good lier. Her expression was. But not her conscience or her feelings. Definetly not. So he had to ask, right? "Well I mean...I mean, if you're lying Shayna I will push you off the roof and feel absolutely nothing." Conor said happily with a mocking smile. He was kind of playfully saying it all, but he didn't want her taking it the entire wrong direction. Stupid, stupid. At least pretend you had feelings and say you would have felt bad to see her go splat. Which was true. But if she was a liar and didn't love him and...well, simply, he'd be pissed. Like that wasn't expected though. "Well I mean, I'd be sad. But I guess the feeling is mutual then. I guess...I feel the same way? I'm just glad you do,"[/color] The last part was blurted out on accident, shit. Why. Why did he have to say that. It was so mushy, it almost disgusted him. Eew. Conor the mushy, angry guy. How bad did that sound. Really. It sounded really bad. "But we need to figure out how this is gonna work. Not that I am bored by your feelings. I just don't feel like being in a room. Alone. For an extended period, you know."[/color] Conor mused lightly. He really didn't, not now. Not after he just discovered the best feeling ever and the first time he had felt it. Awwh. How sweet.
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tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1806 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...YEAH WELL. CUTE CONOR IS SEMI CUTE BUT DENIES IT XP [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

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- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
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alright, well, you could say that the idea of him slaughtering a bunch of staff members scared her a bit. it freaked her out for a few reasons, although conor had nothing to do with any of the reasons. she understood that he was violent and aggressive, and as much as that should have bothered her, it didn't. it was fucked up, yeah, but she really didn't care anymore. okay, so, it freaked her out because she didn't like blood. the sight of blood made her sick to her stomach, dizzy, and so forth. it was never a pleasent experience, and watching someone slice open a bunch of people wasn't exactly good for the weak stomached kind of people. another reason why it troubled her. she didn't like the idea of conor risking himself like that. there was no way he could take down a dozen staff members by himself, and it wasn't like she could exactly join in on the fight. she was way too much of an inconflicting person to go about doing that. she wasn't about to throw herself into a bloody mess. it worried her that conor had this plan because she knew that would piss of staff members more, and if anything, they would lock him up and made sure he didn't come out for a while. shayna wasn't going to be able to handle that. and if they didn't do that, they would probably ship him off somewhere else, and that was an even worse situation for them to be in. here they were, confessing confused feelings for each other, and he was going to sacrifice it all just to get them down from the roof. there were other ways around it. the second conor tried to attack a staff member was the second he was sedated and dragged off to an isolated cell. she didn't want to think about what they could do to him if he wasn't awake to defend himself. now, shayna could easily lie them out of this situation. she wasn't a very good liar, but she had the imagination to make sure they got out safely. it was a matter of, oh, what you heard was just a misunderstanding. we weren't fighting. it was just an arguement over... over what? something trivial. but even if that lie passed, then it became a matter of why they weren't in their cells rooms when they were supposed to be. that would be much harder to get out of. basically, they just had to make it back to the basement without being seen. easy. not really. whatever.

"i don't exactly think slaughering them is the best idea. they'd only have an even better reason to lock you up. or send you some where else. cooperating tends to be the safest way to go."

[/color] but she knew that conor wasn't cooperative. he was just about as stubborn as she was, not to mention he was violent, and aggressive and she knew she wouldn't be able to control him once something set him off. not that she wanted to control him. she just didn't want him hurting himself. or anyone else, for that matter. "we just have to find a second place to hide until we're ready to go back to the basement."[/color] in all honesty, she would never be ready to go back down to the basement. once that time came, conor was going to have to drag her back down against her will, or throw her over his shoulder and make sure she had no chance to runaway. the basement was a horrid, horrid place to her. "we'll just .. go back the way we came. keep quiet. and find the first place we can to hide out, whether it be a camera-less hallway or an empty office of some sort."[/color] it wasn't a very well thought out plan, and it had tons of flaws. so many things could and probably would go wrong. someone would probably be patrolling the stairs, god forbid. how many halls were camera-less? not very many. maybe a few, but those were usually the ones that were too dark to see anyway. "or wait until it gets dark, hope everyone goes to bed, and just be super quiet going back down."[/color] that plan was just about as flawed as the others. she wouldn't have minded staying outside longer with conor, but she knew that at some point, someone would realize that they weren't where they were supposed to be and eventually, someone might, by chance, come up to check the rooftops. in which, they would seriously have no place to hide or run. and jumping was not an option.

"i know most of the rules and i know where certain places are, but i've spent more time locked up in my room rather than exploring the place."[/color] her knowledge of the facilities was probably only slightly more useful than his, because she had the time to kind of wander around and see things. she wasn't too familiar with everything, but she had the general idea. "look, if a bunch of staff or guards came our way, you just let me step in okay? i could at least talk them out of bringing us into detention and just down to our rooms. okay, well, probably not, but my chances of talking them out of it are probably safer than your plan of killing everyone. plus, if any of them had plans to sedate you, i'd really like to prevent that from happening."[/color] her tone was kind of amused, but at the same time, almost demanding. not quite, but there was definitly a sense of, you should probably listen to me because i just want to do what's best, kind of thing. she knew he probably wouldn't like the idea of her throwing herself between him and the guards, especially when he was claiming the she wouldn't be able to protect them. maybe no physically, but as he had already experienced, she was good at mind games. she might even be able to thrown in a few well, i'm shayna heart, and my managers are paying you guys a lot of money to keep me happy. she never liked doing that kind of thing though. throwing her fame in someone's face? unpleasant. she never bragged about what she had. or didn't have anymore. it would work, but she wouldn't be happy about it. but yeah, she assumed he wouldn't like the idea of her sacrificing herself. putting herself between him and the sedating needle. well, he was going to have to accept the fact that she was that kind of girl. she was a thousand times more worried for conor than she was herself.

one of her eye brows raised as he commented on the roof. at first, she wanted to be offended. she wouldn't lie about something like loving him, but maybe she hadn't made herself entirely clear. "okay, how about this. i like you enough to want to be a couple, or in this case, an unofficial one just because of the rules here, but yeah. i've made it clear that i like you. that i want to be an unofficially official couple. i wouldn't lie to you."[/color] she spoke solidly, trying to make it obvious how she felt. as if she could be any more obvious. she hadn't even considered about how that would freak him out until she actually said it aloud. an unofficial couple. yeah, let me just be your secret girlfriend. stupid. she felt stupid. and he probably thought she was stupid. ugh. "so, pushing me off the roof isn't necessary. but i'd take you down with me,"[/color] she shrugged, grinning playfully, indicting that she would never, in a million years actually do that, and right now she was just teasing him a little bit. she was shayna. and shayna wouldn't ever take someone down with her if she could help it. she didn't doubt for a minute that he would push her off the roof if she was lying to him, but she didn't think of it as him threatening her into liking him, like she probably should have. she thought of it as him being hurt in the past and afraid of being hurt again, or just him not liking being lied to. which she didn't blame him for. being lied to suck. but shayna wasn't like that. she wasn't going to lie until she had to get out of a sticky situation, like escaping from a roof top with a boy who had the urge to kill anyone in their path. "if you don't want to be in a room, alone, for an extended period, than consider keeping your knife to yourself, other wise you might just get us locked up in detention for a while."[/color] she wouldn't really object to spending a long time alone with him, because that's what they were doing right now. but actually being with him, wasn't something she had thought about. shayna wasn't totally inexperienced, but she was a virgin, and being with conor wasn't something on her mind just yet.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1575 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? LOOK AT ME POSTING MY KINDA SORTA LONGISH POSTS XD[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

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-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

For most people, being in a serious relationship wasn't hard nor rule-breaking. But when you were in an asylum, a derranged one at that; things were different. And when you were the most insane ones there (or so they say) things were very different. Today, when he and Shayna just so happened to be on a roof after he nearly ruined everything, was one very sepcial day. Not every moment of your time spent in a place like that was able to be spent somewhere no one would even bother going, nope. And not every moment were you experiencing love for the very first time and realizing how fucking great it was, or at least when it was shared with a certain person. This new aquisistion was not going to soften him up at all, of course he was still horribly concerned about that possibility of getting...upset in front of her yet again, maybe even more so than last, which he dreaded. If she had taught him anything at all, it was certainly how...innocent she was and how much that nice part of him didn't want to ruin it. Ever. So there was absolutely no doubt in his mind, whatsoever, that if she really wanted to lie or force herself between him and whoever else there was—when and if it came to it, that is, he wasn't planning on letting her. Personally, Conor didn't think it would get that bad. Like he would let anyone get near him with whatever assimilance of a needle they posessed, well. It wasn't happening. He would gladly take out the knife and slit their throat and be put into a room alone for some large amount of time than let someone touch him with something sharp. Yeah. Seriously. More or less be touched by something sharp with the added bonus of being loaded with whatever the hell the insane employees came up with. They were the insane ones, but that was just his theory, not that it wasn't true. Because it seemed highly likely in a place like this. And that scared him a bit. She could give however many a convincing lie that she wanted, but putting herself into it was another story. That would happen over his dead body. Which was almost an equally likely possibility. And anyway, she would need some serious lying credit if she threw them off track. For one, they were both level four. They were on a roof. They were together for some strange reason, and he couldn't exactly estimate how long they had been away to begin with. So it all added up to be a mess and they were fucked, oh happy days. He wasn't sure if they would even be trying to go back down there soon, though. it was one thing that you would be going from a roof to a basement and hopefully you wouldn't run into anything along the way, either. That was fifty fifty though. He had no idea if that would happen.
Cooperating was an extremely loose concept to Conor. And he never did, anyway. So good luck with him starting to now. Hah. "Well. You know cooperating isn't a specialty of mine,"

[/color] He said teasingly. Even though it was completely true. He just didn't want anyone harming Shayna and if that involved somehow hurting himself, then...it didn't matter. As long as she wasn't. It sounded so dumb. This wasn't the ideal time to be concerned about Shayna's well being; sure. She was on the same level of...harm? As he was. And she was...he didn't know. She was not scary, not at all, and he really did not think she would be able to give a convincing lie that involved her really being vicious for once, and compared to Conor...that was a rather daunting task. You were not threatening, intimidating, scary or any of the above to him unless you were holding a gun to his head. Because otherwise, let's remind you, he had a knife and because you were nothing but a speck on the planet to him, he would cut you and you would die. End of story. It was a simple law to abide by. Just follow it and everything would be fine. "So that's not the best arguement. And it don't think it would be that bad...right. It wouldn't be... Conor trailed off again, trying to abandon the thought of leaving here after less than a month, that was ridiculous and...scary. It was. He didn't want to leave now. Well, leaving and going somewhere alone and Shayna coming along, yes. He would go, amen. But otherwise, the idea was unappealing and yes, for his love of Shayna, he would stay an a potentially unhealthy and maybe even lethal asylum for however long it took and however many trips to the roof they needed. It was insane. Absolutely twisted. "And where would this magical place be. The roof seemed great and look at everything now. No offense. But where's the excitment in waiting until dark to go back. Not to mention that's surpassing bedtime, don't you think? I think people would notice something by then."[/color] Plus Conor seriously doubted the people hired to contain somewhat...uncontainable...patients? Did not have time to sleep. He didn't think so. And if they did, well that was damn lucky and Conor would sit up there until it did become dark to just soak in the moment, if you will. But he was pretty set on the former option. They would notice how two were missing and look in most normal places, and given they didn't find anything, possibly attempt to try the roof, as henious as the thought was. Not to mention god knew how cold it would get, and who knew how late it would need to be. Jumping was definetly not ideal and certainly not something Conor assumed the average, possibly heavily medicated psycho could even live through. And they wouldn't care. They would live, just one (or two?) new carcasses to add to their collection. Except this time it was supposed suicide, lucky them. Not. This wouldn't happen. Ever. Conor wouldn't die trying to get off a roof, not over the absolutely pathetic reprimand of being in a room, alone or otherwise for a day or a couple. Of course not.
Obviously someone who was supposed to be in a basement cell half of the time wouldn't know the place like the back of their hand. Not even Shayna. Jesus christ, didn't you get points around here? Her of all people. She was the most pathetic excuse for insane he had ever seen. Which went both ways. If she wasn't considered to be then maybe they would live through it all. And if she was then there was also the possibility of both of them getting a whole lot of hell. But he still did love her. As crazy as it was, he still wasn't over it just yet. He was in love with someone cute and normal and extremely, unnaturally nice person. Oh my god. That was new, it really was. The only problem was they couldn't enjoy it entirely, not when you were trying to save your ass times two at the same moment. That sucked. "Mmn. Touché. I guess we both have no idea then."[/color] Conor said the whole thing with a sense of defeat because it was true. Lucky for him he had a thing for making all words that came out sound like they were more of a taunt then serious. He was always such a terrible tease. It depended on the person, if you liked it or not. He laughed a bit as she said she wanted to step in. Ooh. That's how it was going to be. "Ahh. You step in, I see. How would that work. What the fuck would you say, that you were trying to harm me? Because that sounds pretty unbelievable, but that's just me. If you can do it though, congrats. I'm in shock."[/color] The tone of his voice was not...angry or mean or rude or offensive either, for that matter, but it was more of an...upset concern for Shayna and her plan. He really was a bit of a skeptic when it came to her lying about their current situation. On the roof, no less. And well. The whole sedation thing was very nice of he but we alreayd discussed this. No one would come near him with a needle. Fuck no. Or, better yet, fuck them. He really didn't want to consider this. "Is that because you know I could kill them? Or is that because it's possible. I don't think it is, like I said. Just pretend you're self centered this once and use your fame to your advantage. I'm sure money is pretty good motivation."[/color] It was, for most. Conor wasn't sure if you got good pay here. But he was sure everyone got a raise when she popped in. Of course they did. Then again they may resent this and still wonder why they were not in their rooms at whatever time it was to begin with and also why they were together. That was the true million dollar question. Or at least it was for him. Right now. It was, until she seemed to affirm every hopeful belief in his mind.
Saying unofficially official—couple was, that is, was such an oxymoron that Conor was surprised how you could say it without laughing or being confused by your own words. Because he was. For a bit. But that was mostly only because he was scared entirely shitless of commitment and love and love from Shayna no less; it was all such a foreign concept that he almost wanted to run off and deal with whatever shit happens but at least he would have some amount of time to breathe, without Shayna surprising him at every corner. Yes, granted. He asked her to begin with, but he assumed that it was Shayna and she would be too bashful to answer. Apparently not so. What she did say was concrete, or enough so for two people in an insane asylum for reasons unbeknownst to themselves (maybe) and a penchant for breaking rules. Wow. "Well I should have known, right. You'd never lie."[/color] He said mockingly, sighing a bit, a frequent expression of hapiness and contentment from Conor. Hmm. That was interesting, hopefully not so much offputting though. Never. "But I mean...yes. I think so too, I appreciate that you've said so...I mean it's not like you can't call it official for now though, I don't think anyone is really listening. Otherwise though...unoficially, yes." His statment was...a statement no less, and he did say it with quite a set tone. He wasn't really taking anything back now, it was too fucking late for something like that. And turning down something like that was stupid. You couldn't. Conor could not disagree with what she had said, he literally couldn't. It was so...strange. But true. And he would never let her take him down. It was suicidal and he didn't really want to die, even if it was at the same time as Shayna. Maybe. This may not kill them. "Well, not really, it would be more of a shove and you wouldn't have a chance."[/color] Conor laughed a bit at the thought of it. It could be possible, but he was too smart to let her be at a suitable posistion for that. If she was lying though, he would push her and she would get what the fuck she deserved because you didn't lie to Conor, never. Or you would get it, in whichever way possible, violent or otherwise. It didn't matter. You were the bottom of the food chain in his mind after something like that. It wasn't that he just hurt people because. It was because he didn't want to be lied to; not after all of that. Not after anything dealing with love. No taking it back either, though. Anything that involved her not loving him anymore was an offense. This could be overreacting, but he just wasn't sure. It was fine in his head. "Maybe so, but at least it wouldn't be alone. So it's double sided."[/color] It was true. Not that he wanted to get extremely personal, not just yet, that was a bit fast even for a newbie like him. Or at least to this whole feeling of love, you know. He enjoyed it though, it was ever surprising. Now they just had to make it off of the roof, and things would be great. 
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tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 2192 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...ITS WAYYYY TOO LONG AND FILLED WITH TONS OF CRAP, BUT YEAH. CUTETIEMZ. :3 [/font][/center][/justify]