SHINE BRIGHTER */

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

Conor wasn't someone who did anything and everything, or at least without reason. His newfound mental illness couldn't have helped this, but even before he was never one to submit or be easily manipulated by someone. 'Just because' was an expression he used probably all of four times in his lifetime; it was stupid. And it was slightly annoying how that was basically how Shayna answered everything. Was she afraid to commit to an answer or something? It didn't really matter to Conor; he was brutually honest and you either appreciated it or you didn't, and he expected the same from most people too. In most cases he really did not care what the hell people thought of him. The common answer was always offending so he grew to ignore it. Okay, well it wasn't really offending. But some people, unlike Shayna, gave him the truth and he appeciated it. If you gave him some type of two-sided answer shit, it was more likely he would give you hell then. The sad thing about the current situation though- was how for some pathetic reason that one, or maybe three percent part of him that cared what you thought really did pay attention to what Shayna said or thought. Especially of himself. It wasn't self centered. It was just important that maybe one seemingly...nice person thought something other than fear of him. He didn't know if she realized that, but it was what he thought, at least for now. If she didn't want to hurt his feeling then that was too much sympathy. He wanted to know what she thought. And he wasn't going flat out ask for it, that sounded vain and too much like a love statment? Or just cliche. But as they said, you can't have it both ways. And right now he wasn't sure if he wanted to know or if he should even ask something so pathetic. Of all people whose thoughts mattered- which were not many people- why did the opinion of someone he knew for basically...less than a day matter at all?
And when finally she answered the question of why she couldn't leave- the answer was pathetic- he was a bit taken aback. Most of the time it seemed like she answered whatever she wanted to, not what you asked. The answer wasn't very specific, but all Conor knew was that maybe if she stopped being such a...pushover? Things may go her way for once. It sounded like a self absorbed fix but it worked for him. Shayna probably couldn't take the possibility of dissapointing her managment with her demand to leave. Hmm. If she needed anything he was there to get it. Well, maybe. They were all probably used to talk, but Conor preferred combat. Most of the time. Like...he needed to get his pokemon back. Which meant he needed his gameboy. Which meant it would be hard, if you weren't supposed to have 'technology' in the cell. Or dorms, as they called them. He wasn't some...internet terrorist, jesus christ. Nor did he have internet here. He hadn't tried to begin with, but still. He had doubts, very strong ones...all he knew was that he needed it. Something to occupy him when the blonde one was seriously pissing him off, which hadn't happened. Yet. Plus he just got a regice, but that was another story for another time. And he would get it back. Conor was good at that stuff. "I meant to insert sarcasm here,"

[/b] He replied dully to her oh so fucking amusing comment. It wasn't funny. Maybe he was liking her a bit, to be honest. But so far he had not associated the word 'great' with the name Shayna. Some people certainly had, those who put her here in particular. He wondered why the staff hadn't considered the whole thing an overreaction to a possibly traumatizing experience and kicked her out, for here were far more suicidal musicians out there..."But i'm not even going to go there. Maybe things would work out if you demanded it, not just asked lightly. That's the right way."[/b] Conor decided to throw in his two cents and tell her what he thought, because like earlier he did this plentifully. If she did this there would be a lot more Shayna than before. Not so much 'this is what Shayna is supposed to do,' anymore. Which was a good thing. And this would show that he cared, right? Hopefully.
Oh so now she could defend herself. Mhmm. He didn't think so. Her so called 'harsh' words didn't scare people. Or not Conor, who occassionally was labeled...tough. Not scary. Just angry sometimes. He refused to be scary. It wasn't a scary thing to just have a bit of a short fuse. Was it? Oh god. He hoped not. That would mean Shayna would hate him. Even thought right now she seemed oblivious to any type of problem he had, what'd she think, he was some person in an asylum for fun. Well, probably not, he made it damn straight that he was more so a...patient (shudder) than a visitor. And again, who cared what she thought. Her mind tricks were getting to him, but it was expected; it was hard to stop a jedi, which she must be. It sounded likely and she had all the mental skills. In Conor's mind. But he was no professional at these things. "Oh really? He said with a mock-surprised tone. The key word was mock. "Sorry, but I don't think some slightly harsh words could be considered scary AT ALL by someone who carries around a knife religiously."[/color] he knew this well. Not that he really always carried a knife. Maybe a few times...hmm. Again, he said it all with a tone of mockery. He wasn't going to let her be convinced she would be able to live here for long. He wasn't trying to intimidate her or scare her off. He didn't want that. But if she continued acting that way he just didn't...want her to get in the wrong situation. Why the hell was he protecting her now? What she wanted to do with herself was her idea. It wasn't his time to intervene, really. But what was he to say, a danger to the human population (so they have told him) giving the mot naive, simple person in the entire world a lecture on safety. She had no idea about that though. He was a person to her. Maybe. "But then again, who the fuck am I," Conor paused. Where was he going with this? "To try and protect you. I'm probably the worst person to ask."[/b] It was more of a insult to himself, not a insult to Shayna. All he was saying he was doing for her benefit, basically. It was dumb and too lovey-ish for him. Right. He thought. She probably didn't want to hear it though. He shouldn't assume though. Since she seemed to have an ever changing personality. From what he'd seen in these...thirty minutes.
She was right though, he couldn't exactly understand. But why would someone hurt her, really. He was level four, she was level four, anyone in level four was pretty...special. Why would someone try? Well. She wasn't very intimidating. She was easy to read and could be played too easily. He wasn't taking part in the latter just yet, but the former was true. He was going to be honest with her first and foremost, which really wasn't going badly at the moment. All she was doing was showing off her grand defensive skills. Hey, maybe in the presence of everyone but Conor she was okay with that. But he really wouldn't believe it if she said- or wait, she did- that she could protect herself from some psycho. Yes, a depressed person was great in the defense area. In Conor's definition, depressed people were damn feeble. If you came here because you couldn't get out of bed because life sucked so badly in your head, then you probably couldn't protect yourself in situations. So there was another reason why it was pretty dangerous for her to be there. But what she was saying...what she said took him by surprise, it stopped him momentarily. Not knowing what people are capable of; Conor's life story in a sentence. Did she know why he was here or not? It was like she was hinting at basically everything he was, and if those things scared the crap out of her then he really was screwed. He knew what she was saying though, too much. And that was the problem. He shouldn't, obviously. What was that supposed to mean anyway. Conor wasn't going to just tell her that she was probably saying that to the wrong person, like everything else she said. It was kind of upsetting. How was he supposed to reply to that...he didn't know. "If you have the ninja skills you speak of it shouldn't be a problem then."[/b] The sentence sounded a hell of a lot more like a question than answer. Ugh. It didn't matter what she said. It was akward, yes, but it didn't really have any significance to him. Conor didn't know, again. [/size][/blockquote]

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2. this rambling is 1607 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...BLAH I REPEATED MYSELF. BUT CHYEAHH NOW CONOR IS LIEK WHUT. >.> [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

the biggest problem shayna had with herself was that she didn't know what she wanted, which was probably why she had let herself walk away with someone who seemed a little too bitter towards her. she didn't know what she wanted, so she had to figure it all out for herself, and right now, she would look to anyone for some answers. conor had just happened to be in the right place at the right time. or for him, the wrong place at the wrong time. she couldn't tell what he was making of the situation. she didn't know if he was actually enjoying himself or if he wanted her dead. the latter seemed way more appropriate. she didn't know if she wanted to go back. she didn't have much of a future even if they released her. what happened when it got out that they had thrown her into an insane asylum? that wasn't a small secret. it wouldn't be kept for long. any staff member who knew that she was here would sell her out in a heart beat for the right price. the things people said never bothered her, but once they knew where she had run off to, would they even bother with her anymore? it would be, oh, shayna's so messed up that they had to lock her up in a straight jacket. her record sales would plummit. her management would drop her. there went her future and her music. really, her music was all she had. as bad as that sounded, now that she didn't have her dad, she didn't have much. no one really gave a shit about her. they just cared about the fact that she walked red carpets and had chart topping sales. thinking about that only made her want to sink further into her depression. the fact that no one cared about her was part of the reason that she relied on her medications to keep herself happy.

okay, the knife scared her. he didn't need to inform her that he a had a knife on him. maybe. or maybe not. she didn't know if he was lying through his teeth to sound tough, but she wasn't about to be the person who called him out on it. he could have assumed that she was more scared now even though she wasn't showing it. i mean, how could someone talk about a knife and not expect to scare the living daylights out of the person you were talking with? well. that wasn't entirely true. shayna was probably one of the few people in the entire facility that would honestly be afraid of a knife. most people would tell conor to go fuck himself and take whatever beating they got from him. but then again, that was part of the reason why they were crazy. or at least labeled that way. they could call shayna depressed or suicidal or whatever, but she was smart. she wasn't going to fuck around with someone who had a knife on him. wait, though. he had a knife. suddenly, she wasn't so scared anymore. if it was possible to get conor to take sides, and she got him on her side, then she wouldn't have to be so terrified of turning the corners of the hallways. if she had someone like conor watching out for her, she didn't really think anyone would try and mess with her. she didn't know if she was the only one thinking it, but he seemed like the kind of guy no one would really mess with. "a knife? well, looks like i'm hanging around the tough guy on campus."

[/color] sarcasm, of course, was the most common tone in their conversation. but that statement wasn't entirely false. he was a level four. angry at the world. and by the look of his hand, he wasn't opposed to confrontation. if she won him over, if she made a friendship, she didn't have to worry so much anymore.

but there he was, talking about how he was going to protect her. protect her? he was implying that he had the intentions of protecting her. they'd barely known each other for all of thirty minutes and she had been convinced he was spending every second of it figuring out how he was going to get away from her without her noticing. but she was wrong. kind of. part of him was there. caring. or at least, trying to. she gave him extra points for effort. "well, if you wanna be the boy getting in between me and whomever wanted to cause me harm, go for it. just remember that you volunteered yourself."[/color] she was curious as to why he would care at all. i mean, she cared about him, but she cared about anyone who crossed paths with her. if someone walked by her and introduced themselves, she would instantly start caring about them. the more she learned about someone, the more they mattered to her. so far, conor was the only person she had spent a significat amount of time with, which put him near the top of the list of who she cared about most in the asylum. if she thought she was full of contradictions, then he wasn't very far behind her. he wanted to kill her, then he wanted to protect her, then he was lecturing her or trying to convince her of something. he was just as bad as she was. who was more stubborn? he beat her by a landslide in that category. who was more caring? she won hands down. but they weren't competing. they were just different. someone who could easily compare and contrast them would find that obvious.

what ninja skills? she had none. physically, at least. if conor had some kind of demeaning thing to shoot her way, she would counter act it by showing indifference. any comment he had for her, she shook it off, knowing perfectly well that it probably bugged him, at least a little bit, inside. if he wanted to pull out his knife and be the cause of her premature death, she couldn't exactly pull out black belt moves. "ninja moves. oh yeah, totally,"[/color] and that was the poorest excuse of a lie, ever. she had put zero effort into being convincing. the words came out in such an uncaring manner that she didn't even really mind that she was implying through tone how much she didn't have any defenses.

walking through the hallways, she knew she didn't want to fight with conor for her entire stay at the asylum. she couldn't keep up a stubborn act and she wouldn't be able to fend off someone like him forever. she didn't get her hopes up though, because she knew it was a lost cause. the smile on her face didn't falter, though. it wasn't a foolish smile or a beaming smile. it was just a content, yeah-today's-a-good-day kind of smile. and it was a good day. whether conor liked it or not, she was already feeling that friendly connection form. however, if any kind of friendship ever arose in them, it was going to be the kind that thrived off of her stubborn indifference clashing with his impulsive anger. they clashed, but they clashed in such a good way that shayna really liked being with him at that time. "i mean, you wouldn't even know what hit you if i came along and decided to ninja you."[/color] now she was just playing with him, and making a totally good time out of it.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1315 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? GAHH IVE BEEN REPEATING MYSELF OVER AND OVER.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL
GETTING AWAY,
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO
ME,[/size]
and it's never going to arrive

Protecting someone was not a strong suit for Conor. This could be attributed to how in most cases, people needed protection from him, not by him. And being here was the protection for the outside world. Sadly. So it was never an issue until he finally met that person. Shayna had no idea what a...bad idea, that was. One, if things did come to a point where he did have to save her from getting her ass kicked or even, well- worse, getting herself dangerously close to being killed, then. God knew. He had said it enough, he really didn't want to blow up and go psycho around such a fragile person. Yes, fragile. Whatever, she said she wasn't in a sensitive time, she was. She should have been happy Conor even spared her that instead of getting on top of her in every effing aspect. But he didn't want to; she wasn't going to be yet another one on his list whose relationship he ruined. It was frustrating and thinking about it was not helping, but it didn't matter. Sure, his agressiveness could work in the favor of both himself and Shayna, but there was the possibility that for once she wasn't being stubborn or cautious enough and hey, look what happens now. No. That was not going well with him. And he knew it would happen someday, everyone here had some crazy-ass issue with their mind, and maybe she would get over it, since, like he said, everyone here was relatively insane. But maybe she wouldn't. And he was guessing the latter was a pretty good bet with Shayna, but then again. She loved every fucking person and so far she hadn't run away from Conor, remember? So that was one step in the right direction. But she was still in an asylum for depression. For some family member dying. Most people get depressed with these things, yes. And they don't need to be here. They get over it and live and everyone gets that cliche, sappy little ending they wanted. And if she was that sensitive then maybe saying no was the best idea. He didn't remember offering anyway, but he did like being around her- what? Why? She was too happy and cute. It was annoying. She was doing something, she was rubbing off on him too much. Damn. Conor wouldn't have that. About the matter at hand though, he wasn't sure if it was the best idea...it was a double edged sword, basically. There were two sides. Of course there were. And it sucked how he seemed to be lacking in the judgement area of the brain. It just keeps getting better...
And the knife...yeah, well. It was there in some cases. Not always. If he had it he had it, if not he didn't. Today he may or may not have one. Probably not. Hence his hand was in shoddy condition instead of just stabbing whoever that kid was again. Well, that wouldn't have ended nicely. But wait, how the fuck did he have one? I thought knives were probably not allowed here. In the hands (or pocket, maybe.) of someone with unnatural anger issues. Hmm. It was there now, though. And it wasn't leaving. How did Shayna get the scissors anyway? Jesus, they either needed sharper employees or more threatening rules, because whatever they did so far was not working. It wasn't like you could do much, though, when your room was the equivalent to a cell. In a basement. Where would you go then? There was nothing more dirty or possibly unhealthy than a basement. But who was Conor to be criticizing sanitation levels? Or safety at that. He was the one with the purple hand. Yet another reason why it wasn't his duty to protect someone who actually needed it. "Oh, well. I never said I had it with me."

[/color] He never did. That's probably what made her think he was sent there to protect her. Which he didn't think he was. "And I wouldn't call it a 'campus',"[/color] He added. It wasn't. It was a...facility. A machine of epically evil proportions. Not surprisingly. If it was a campus, like a college or some shit, he would be okay with being here. But it wasn't. Or that's not what they said, right? If that's what Shayna thought she was truly delusional. Period. You couldn't like it here. But in Conor's case, he almost did. Not because of Shayna, no. She was helping a bit though, all in all truth. It was more a distraction from everything that seemed to have happened in his lifetime; he really didn't want to go back to...home? It wasn't fucking home, they were not his parents, but his parents' parents. Or his mom's parents. Not his dad's. Because he disspeared or something some day or another. It was probably like, he hit her and left. Yeah. That sounded like it could fit well with his life. He never bothered to ask. As with everything else in the parenting area, his mom failed to remember, or so she said. She was drunk too much to notice anyway. A lot of people said that was the root of the modern-day Conor. And as it was, that seemed pretty viable, he just knew it was something more. He wasn't here to help their cause, though. So he refused to tell them. They could say whatever they wanted. That wasn't it. Even he, himself was not too sure. Maybe if it was left unsolved by the time he got out of here college would come around and he would never, ever have to see anyone in his family. Again. Sure, he had siblings, two. But they were as pissed as any and they'd forigve him, it wasn't like talking was the only communication out there anymore. And after that...well. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't know. His life was a blank slate so far; a few excitingly depressing moments here and there, but no...shining accomplishments. Maybe by then things would be normal. Ohh, normal. Shudder.
And back to the protection thing. Yeah, good luck. He really was on the edge and Conor wasn't quite sure if he, the one here for...well, something with explosive in the too-long title, was the best person for protection. Sure. He had intimidation tactics on his side. But he also had a tendency to overreact and some violent occassions too, which he really, REALLY didn't want Shayna knowing about. Secrets werent his thing, but some things should be. These were one of those things. "WHOA." Conor pasued yet again, surprised yet again. What the hell was he supposed to say?"Fuck. I never said I would...protect you. If you're getting your ass kicked and I just so happen to see it, then sure, but I don't know if I can take such a large responsibility...so. I don't know."[/color] That would be the first and only time that Conor would ever admit that he had no idea what to say, or just no idea in general, to Shayna. Ever. He didn't want to come on strong, but as he continued he voice turned into more of a sarcastic, confused tone. She couldn't possibly be offended. He just didn't know if it was the best idea for her to be around him that much. No one was saying he had to like...follow her around, but it was awfully likely she could be a liability and slightly careless. He didn't want to chance that. She was too nice and if it cost him, who knew? That was too...personal? For Conor and right now...well right now he wasn't too sure what the fuck was up with them. Sure, he had feelings for her? She was cute and all, and she wasn't overbearing but someone so simple with a person like him. Someone who was effing depressed? Or, well, Conor didn't buy the depressed part. Whoever basically...owned her was overreacting by a mile. It was a stupid excuse to get some law suit filed against someone for ruining Shayna and all their chances at a million dollars. Or...they had more than that by now, he could safely bet. But most of it was true, probably.
Haah yes. Her invisible ninja skills were in question. "Maybe. But that's only if i'm not a ninja, you know. And ninjas carry knives..."[/color] He laghed a little and sighed. She was interesting, he just wasn't sure. About anything. Right now. Maybe something would change his mind. "But there are things out there cooler than fucking ninjas. Obviously." There were. Plenty. That wasn;t the point though. Yes, she was...not great, although not bad, so far. But he did have a question. If she loved anyone and everyone, why would they try to harm her, exactly. This was the question. I mean, Conor. He hadn't tried that yet. Almost, but not yet. Not that she could see or be able to tell. Right? "But why...if you love everyone why would you need 'protection'? I can see that you're, well. Hah. Not very threatening, and you're not in the best of situations, but if you didn't piss off anyone I doubt you'd need me. But then again..."[/b] He trailed off. He didn't need to go there. He said enough, and what he was planning to say afterward was 'people like me...' but then again he wouldn't have gotten so specific. He could and would snap at any given minute- no, correction, SECOND- but he hadn't yet. Which he normally did with everyone. Weird. Sure, he could have been one of possibly three others, and level four at that, and most of the time it wasn't easy to squeeze out of the room or basement, for that matter, unscathed and unseen, but Conor found ways and so could everyone else.
[/size][/blockquote]

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2. this rambling is 1724 lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...I TRIED NOT TO DO SO THIS TIEMZ :3 HE'S STILL LIKE WHUT. YOU'RE ASKING TOO MUCH DDDDX STOP IT D': [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

it was good to know that conor wasn't so heartless as to have the ability to walk by an innocent girl being attacked and continue on as if nothing were happening. she had never imagined him as that kind of person to begin with. yeah, he might have come off as kind of cold and mean at first, but she was convinced that wasn't the only thing this boy was composed of. there was something more there, and now she was bound and determined to find out what it was. she didn't care if he didn't know, but she did. he wasn't entirely insane, or at least he didn't appear to be. he either was being patient enough to kill her or he wasn't hating being with her as much as she initially thought. now, shayna tended to be very simple in the friendship category. once she considered you a friend, that was that. she was loyal, she'd do whatever you asked, and she'd care about you. even in the case of a possible sociopath, she would befriend him and that would be it. she made assumptions, but she didn't judge. until the day came that conor truly tried to do her harm, she wouldn't mind hanging around him. but even then, she'd probably run back and apologize because she would assume that she did something. that was just shayna. more often than not, she was apologizing for something. but maybe that was why she was in an asylum after all. she was willing to befriend someone who was potentially dangerous. that was like someone in the outside world wearing best friend bracelets with a serial killer. while conor may not have been a mass murderer, he was still dangerous. these few minutes together had basically solidified the fact that he was going to have a hard time keeping her away as long as he never flat out stated that he never wanted to see her again. but shayna hoped that day wouldn't come, because she didn't handle rejection well. her depression would probably sink a bit deeper. but why was that conor's problem? it wasn't, which was why she would never make it that way.

shayna didn't really expect him to feel obligated to protect her. that wasn't what she was asking. it was more amusing than anything to her, to know that he was willing to be there, even if it was only if he was conveniently in the right place at the right time. "it's not that i love everyone, it's that i prefer not to see the bad in people. i look for the good."

[/color] and that was one of the first honest things she had flat out said to conor all day. if anything, she had pretty much just summed up the essence of her being to him. she had trained herself well to only see, or only look for, the good in people because the bad in people scared her. she knew everyone was bad, but she was so optimistic about certain things that she always believed there was something nice and honest beneath a terrible surface. whether that was a true theory or not, well, she would really never know. it was just how she let life take her. seeing the bad scared her. she didn't want to know what people were capable of. she liked to think that even the worst of people could be kind. it was a pathetic, sad excuse for the world though, because a place like alkaline could open her eyes to that realization. in here, not many people had any good beneath their unstable surfaces. she was fighting though. she was fighting to make sure that she didn't have to see what she didn't want to. it was part of what made her seem so happy go lucky. if she focused on the positive, maybe she wouldn't have to worry so much about the negative.

"oh please, conor,"[/color] she started, "you of all people should know that this little happy face i put on can irritate the wrong people."[/color] the words tasted like vinegar coming out of her mouth. not only did they sound bitter, but they felt bitter. and for half a second, she felt like she needed to go shove a few pills down her own throat. the words didn't sound so much bitter as they might have sounded .. almost bored. like she knew the truth but never really accepted it. and genuinely, most of the time, shayna was naturally a happy person. she didn't have to fake a smile or force a laugh around most people. striking up conversation wasn't hard for her. it was just a matter of who she was with and how shitty she felt that day. one her worst days, like the days when the doctors wanted to examine how she acted without medications, she would pretty much just lie in bed stubbornly. she hadn't had a good, unmedicated day in the a long time, and she missed that. she wouldn't call herself addicted, she would just call herself dependent. the doctors said that the more medicine she took, the worse she was going to feel when she was off of it. she didn't care. she just wanted to be herself. for some stupid reason, she couldn't pull herself out of her depression, and she blamed the doctors. if they gave her a guitar and let her play a few sad songs, she was almost positive that she would be absolutely fine. but they were convinced otherwise, and they wanted no part of discharging her. once again, she assumed it came down to the money they were being paid to watch her. the longer she was around, the more of a profit they made. it was a lose-lose situation.

it wasn't really until that moment that she realized how badly she just wanted to get away. she didn't want to have to leave and go straight back to a recording studio or a stage, but she didn't want to be jailed up all day either. she just wanted to be her own person. she didn't want the management to control her or own her anymore, but she didn't want the staff here controlling her and shoving needles in her arm either. she just wanted to be a normal girl. was that so much to ask of? apparently. it would have been nice to leave alkaline, runaway from it all, and go live in some small town where no one would know her name and she wouldn't be treated differently because she had a recognizable face. for a while, she let herself be silent to ponder her own thoughts. "when they let you out, where would you go? what would you do with yourself?"[/color] it was random, it was out of the blue, but she was curious. she wanted to know. it was more for her own benefit than anything. she had no idea what she would do once they gave her the okay. if they gave her the okay. "i don't think i'd go back, you know, to los angeles. i'd probably go hide out in europe or something, for a while. maybe just some small town where no one could find me."[/color] as she spoke, she kept her eyes ahead of them, like she was off in some other world. it almost felt that way, though. she couldn't help but imagine herself back how she was when no one knew who she was. surprisingly, being invisible had been such a good feeling back then.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1300 EVEN words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? NOW SHE'S LIKE, I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING MYSELF INTO BUT I'M GLAD I AM.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL
GETTING AWAY,
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO
ME,[/size]
and it's never going to arrive

So she wasn't a big...fame hog. Ther was no better description, really. Of all people that agreed and understood this, here was Conor. He didn't want to dissappear, not entirely. He wanted to produce something in the time, that is; if he got far away enough for it to happen. But he didn't know what he wanted to do with himself, he just didn't want to go back 'home'. He didn't want to be asked questions or to go back into that same, mundane routine, it got old and god knew what people would say, oh what they would say...well, Conor was never a person to be concerned about such stupid, petty, trifiling matters. His goal in life was not to be a a people person or well-known or, in the alternate dimension that is school, very popular, that wasn't his way. You couldn't be a person like him and expect to be liked, but you could want it and he really didn't. If that wasn't what Shayna wanted then...then she really was something, as predictable as it was. There was such a thing as trying to hard and that was something she didn't seem to do. He...appreciated it? Ugh. Appreciation. Something Conor never really got nor gave, but it wasn't the new, exciting thing when you lived with uptight old people. Yes. Old people. Not grandparents, you could possibly say he enjoyed pretending he was not related to them. Sure, he would and will be upset the day they're gone, but right now he was a bit pissed with them. They made the descision to ship him off to here. Not his mother, because she was basically in the same place. Rehab. But them and...and the people at school. Whatever they were called, those people that pretended to care? Not exactly therapists but...uh. Something along those lines. And yes, Conor hated them. Obviously. And look at where this made him go. It was just called 'life' and he got put here for it. Everyone always disagreed with the final ruling of things, but it was more a question in his mind. Just having some undiagnosed mental defect couldn't put you here. Or at least he didn't think it could.
Yeah, well. In Conor's mind she loved everyone. And when she said it, it was so convincing. Not. She loved everyone and everything. So it seemed. But she could be right, she tried to find the good in people, hence he was both annoyed and enthralled with her. Eew. It was true though, it was a good thing she did. If she tried to find the bad then Conor was seriously screwed. And she wouldn't be telling him all this. Which he wanted her to keep on doing. It was nice. But what was all this? She was really making too much of an impression on him for his own good. It wasn't like he considered it a federal offense to be happy inside for once, but it was strange and it came from someone Conor thought was disgusting and overrated and hated and had basically...all emotions of pity (well, maybe not that) and hate for. That sure was something. It also meant she must have been that impressive, breaking through to him, somehow, like that. Again, it was another strange feeling. Hmm. "Is that so. Well. You're just happy go lucky then. Almost the same. He smirked. That was something about Conor. He did enjoy winning and being right. It wasn't correct to call the reason as to why...self-centeredness or righteousness or something around there, it was more satisfaction of finally having something go your way. Awwh. It wasn't a sad-turns-happy thing, it was more accomplishment, in however small increments. Sure, maybe it was a little over the edge, even the most stubborn could except defeat (that person being Shayna, actually) but Conor did not take such things too lightly. He wasn't going to stab you with his almighty knife if he lost to whatever you were doing, but he could hold one hell of a grudge and be sad. Right? Some would say this was a tiny bit on the overdramatic side, but he could digress. Possibly. And he wouldn't accept a loss from such a, well. Tenderfoot, yep. It wasn't like he was all...guys are better than girls, just...he was better than her. Conor was better than Shayna, of course. Well, maybe not. What? He was forsaking his place in first because he liked her a little. What. The fuck. Something was wrong with him now, seriously wrong. She was talking to him too much for his own good. But he could sacrifice it for just today, right?
Jesus, someone was getting acid tongue. Shockingly enough. So much for loving everyone and being unnaturally happy; Shayna was a really perplexing sort. And he still believed in the pms problem. Always would. "Me of all people. Did I ever say 'I HATE YOU." No. My hatrid would be a lot more plain than a few angry remarks, Shayna.

[/color] Conor snapped. Hmm, well, as they say, you fight fire with fire. He wasn't going to try ice, or earth. Wow. Pokemon talk all the way. But he forgot one. Steel fails epically against fire. Hah. And he decided to make it last. "Oh, so I was right. It is all fake. Look at that,"[/b] He said. Of course he was just annoying her on purpose, what else? He said it like he was mind-blown that she said so, but from the second he met her that's what he thought. People were fake, everyone was. There was something in most people that was a lie. You just had to figure out which something it was. And in her case it could have been that cheery little disposistion she seemed to always, ALWAYS have. But he had only known her for some small amount of time and this could be because she was swallowing pills every five seconds of her life. Or he thought so, they had all those depression meds, right? It was highly probable they had them here, a whole room dedicated to them. This could be Conor's imagination (however twisted and sick it was) running wild, but it was also true. It had to be, this was a mental facility and they were not right in the mind, so you had to have something or you would have a ton of crazy people running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Scary. Didn't want that, did you? But of course they had other methods too. It was that place everyone was extremely afraid to learn about but they did anyway, because it was scary and cool. Conor never did such stupid things, but you couldn't help but know about them or notice. He was currently residing in one too, so. That didn't help the cause. As tempting as it was to totally defy everything anyone said here, he was somewhat afraid of the consequences. Like said earlier, sure. You were in the fucking basement already, what else could be worse? Who knew. Lucky for him he hadn't been here that long. Long enough to have something happen you really, really didn't want to. Too bad he had no effing idea what that even was.
And these were the things that made him want to go back, he wanted to go back to that sad, miserable exsistence he had before all this shit happened and things changed. If things were his way...everything would just be normal. Of course, there would never be a stay at an asylum in his entire lifetime, he wouldn't be fucking insane. Then...ugh. He hated admitting it, his mom was a pothead, alcholic, and so on and so forth. He either wished he did not have the mom he currently was spawned from, or his mom wasn't such an ass. A dummy. Then maybe, just maybe, she would have never gotten sent to rehab or gone crazy quite a few mentionable times, maybe she would have been sensible enough to make sure his dad wasn't such a dick to impregnate her and go, to actually stay and see the thing he effing created. Jesus christ, his life could sometimes be accounted for as a failure, it was miserable in most cases and things just went wrong. He would never say it. But maybe he had lost sleep over it a few times, and it was a contributing factor to the way he was now, this...thing. Of anger and distress and just agressiveness. He flat out kept his past a secret and that was that, hopefully Shayna would never ask such a thing, it was getting close enough when she asked...what he would do when he finally got out of here? Well, he didn't even know, she seemed to. He had no idea, it was two ways and he didn't really want to go the obvious one, to home. It was too big of a burden, it was just something he couldn't get into. "Oh, well...I guess...I don't even know, I mean, I don't know if i'd want to go home, I couldn't. It's not even my fucking home, it's just a...place. Nevermind."[/b] If she liked to find the good in things, she would have a damn hard time if Conor self-destructed right in front of her. Which he wasn't going to do. If only it was that easy; she knew what she wanted. She didn't want to go back to her...well, home. Kind of. He didn't know if he should or not. Guilt was the wrong word, it was more, making a choice for yourself. He seemed to get shoved in the back quite a bit, truthfully. Hmm. "You could go to some obscure town in Russia, there are a couple. Like...Smolensk. Or. I don't know. Somewhere in Europe is a good start though."[/b] Conor added. It was true. Russia was rather large and he was sure there had to be a bajillion small towns there, it was huge, and all the wars it had been through certainly had to seperate some. He was hoping she wouldn't dig any deeper into him, the questions were getting hard, they made him think too much. Hopefully she wouldn't notice the hesistation.



[/size][/blockquote]

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1784 lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...HE'S SO HELPLESS INSIDE ^^ AND BWHAHA WHEN I WAS LOOKING UP RUSSIA, FOR SRS-LOOKIT. [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

thinking about the future was hard for her, because she couldn't really control it at that point in her life. as long as she was imprisoned in the asylum, she had no idea what would come of her. she didn't know if she would wake up in the morning. she didn't know if conor would turn on her. she didn't know if one day someone would suddenly have the urge to kill her. she knew the doctors like to experiment on patients. would they come for her once they realized she wasn't worth anything to the world anymore? the first step was getting out, but it was also the hardest. once she was out, then she would have control. she had the money to get to australia. or europe. or russia. maybe even to go back to tennessee. she had no idea. but she had the money, and she could get wherever she needed to be without being noticed with a hood and a pair of sunglasses. getting there wouldn't be a problem. starting a life wouldn't be a problem. she could get a nice little job performing in a small, local place. or she could quit music altogether and take up waitressing, or something small like that. she could make a life for herself wherever she wanted, where as she didn't think conor could. being set for life was a nice feeling, but it also made her feel too privileged. she didn't think she deserved it. she wouldn't keep it all for herself. she would take the bare minimum of what she needed and donate the rest somewhere. she'd already donated a lot of her money to various charities, why not continue? she didn't exactly need it. having so much to her name made her feel dirty.

she couldn't believe the nerve he had to call her fake. that simple word lit off a fuse inside of her and it only took a matter of seconds for her to completely feel the explosion. shayna wasn't an angry girl. she wasn't one to come off as confrontational and she wasn't one to raise her voice. no matter the situation, she kept her cool. and it was usually the calmness she carried that made others even more upset with her. "oh, fake? i'm fake now. that's great. what exactly is it that you're not telling me, conor? all i know about you right now is that you have a habit for carrying around weapons and you don't give a damn about anything except yourself. so far, i've been pretty honest. if anyone's fake here, it's you."

[/color] her voice, once again, was indifferent, as if she was simply stating the obvious. there was no hint of anger or emotion whatsoever in the way the words rolled off of her tongue. but that was exactly what she wanted. she didn't want to get upset in front of conor because it would only give him more to work off of. she would remain calm. keep her cool. she had never had a problem with it before and this situation was no different. if anything, she spoke with an aura of confidence, almost conceit. almost. there was a line between confidence and conceit, and shayna was always very careful not to cross that line. she didn't let her bitterness expose itself in her voice, or even her express. her face remained indifferent as well. there was a hint of a smile on her face. not an amused smile, or a cocky smile, but an innocent one. simple as that. her eyes stayed kind as she stayed relaxed, acting like nothing of what he said bothered her. even though it did.

she hated hearing it from conor. she didn't want him to think of her that way, but over reacting to something like that would only make him believe it more. or it would convince him that she was the hollywood brat that magazines liked to portray her as. shayna heart's a diva. she dumps coffee on her assistant when the order's wrong. here's the picture to prove it. no, that had been an accident. that had been her tripping over her own feet and losing grip on the coffee cup. anyone who knew shayna knew that she wasn't graceful. she walked into things, she tripped over air, and she was extremely uncoordinated. i mean, she had been gossiped about before. she had been called fake by tons of magazines, tons of critics. and she hated it. but she had learned to get used to it. however, hearing it from conor, it felt like it hit home a little bit.

it was just her way of defending herself; acting like nothing bothered her. her defense mechanisms had worked well against conor so far. he hadn't really been able to break through any walls she had put up, but she didn't think he was trying very hard, either. she had sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that if he wanted to damage her, mentally or physically, he could do it. the idea made her feel a little sick to her stomach, but she got over that quickly. she could get out any time she wanted. the second she didn't want to be around him anymore, she would bail. the second she felt uncomfortable being near him, she would leave. it was strange how so far she had felt almost eerily comfortable around him. it was weird and unexpected. she wasn't sure if she liked it or not. she shouldn't have been so comfortable around someone who had the potential to be dangerous. it was just another reason for her to believe that she was even crazier than the doctors said she was. for some reason, she believed he would never hurt her. she had a naive thought that he couldn't hurt her even if he wanted to. that he just wasn't capable of it. and in reality, it was terribly sad how wrong she was. because he could hurt her, and he probably would. there wasn't much to stop him. if he was sick, like a lot of the people in the asylum, then she wouldn't be able to stop him from hurting her at all. but there she went, believing that no mental disease could ever provoke him to hurt her. it was naive and ridiculous, but that was shayna for you.

and then within seconds, she was done being mad at him. she over him calling her fake. it was partially because she couldn't hold a grude over anyone to save her life, and partially because what he said next made her feel so freaking bad for him that it almost hurt. she was under the impression now that he didn't have a place to call home, and to her that was tragic. at least she could go back to tennessee, and that was what she considered her home. but apparently, he only had a place. to her, los angeles was a place. the studio was a place. it wasn't a place she loved nor was it a place she wanted to be near ever again. for an irrational moment, she felt the urge to hug him, but she resisted. once more, she felt like he wasn't the kind of person who liked affection. she wouldn't risk it. "you know, you could make a home anywhere, really. wherever you wanted. wherever you were comfortable. all you really have to do is go and find a place that you like enough to call home."[/color] she shrugged, not knowing if that made any sense at all. of course, it wasn't entirely true. tennessee was her home because she had family there, she grew up there, it was where she was born and raised. it was hard to make a home out of nothing, but it was possible. everyone should have had a home, or a place to call home, even if they physically didn't have a roof over their head. "maybe i'll go to australia. that's where i did my last show. it was warm. i liked it. you'd probably like it there, to be honest."[/color] she had liked australia, quite a lot, and it was far from here. very far. very tempting. "not that i'm saying i know what you like. but .. yeah."[/color] she trailed off, glancing up at him quickly before looking ahead of them once more. australia had also been the place where she had been called about the news about her father dying. that was irrelevent, though. it wouldn't haunt her where people wouldn't bother her about it. she wouldn't even really care if conor tagged along for the ride, if they ended up being friends.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1476 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

It wasn't really up to Conor to decide where the hell Shayna was supposed to go or what she was supposed to do, but he really didn't want to think about the future. But he actually found the thought of running off to australia awfully appealing. Because she was nice. And how she was nice was nice. If that even made sense. There she was. Telling him how he could make a home anywhere he wanted to. Which was true, as cliched as it was, the whole thing was true. The only problem was what she said was true, but it really wasn't the issue he was having; it was more living and...getting things done. College was probably a given, but then what. He had no idea. He didn't want to know, right now was right now and thinking about anything else was just tedious. Conor did, to be honest- live in the moment. Maybe it was a stupid way to live life, but he was never one to plan or to think of his next move. Being spontaneous was his thing. He did it automatically, what he said especially. This could be yet another reason why his...sickness was only intensified, because he lived on a whim and never did things differently than that. Which may or may not be a very wise descision, who knew? Shayna seemed to have a grip on things though, she knew what she wanted; something Conor could basically only aspire to. He wasn't admiring her...he didn't think so. He hoped not. That was bad. That was unsafe, he swore to god...she was really great though. She seemed trustworthy though and she could be confided in, right? His credibility though...that was in question. Trust was not a strong suit; he could turn on you any minute. What if he did with Shayna? Then what? He didn't want to know. He didn't want to know much. The world was kind of a scary concept. It was a hell of a lot scarier than this place. Which could be why he didn't know what he wanted to do with himself when he got out, if he even wanted to. Hah, the world, scary to a psychopath. What was that load of crap. It wasn't though; he really was. Was he developing antisocial tendencies now? What next. This place was screwing him up. She was doing something too. It was all wrong. And the worst part was; she would probably go away in the end. They all did; everyone he knew went away in the end. It was the unfourtunate truth. It sucked. He sucked. Well, no. Not really. Things were just kind of grim right now. Regrettably.
But right now. Right now she was a bitch, let's be brutally honest, shall we? Who was she, calling him fake. Jesus christ. That showed you what a good idea sarcasm was; even though he slightly meant it. But hey, he could play that way too. It was like she had no idea who the fuck she was dealing with. Well, here's your reality; Conor the madman was going to kick your ass right now instead if save it, and if you keep this shit up he never will. So she needed to stop, now. Damn her. Ever changing personalities were not safe around him; especially ones that were seemingly prone to blow up like Shayna. Hmph. Well. He would deal with it. She'd get hell for it. No, he would not wait until later, he was just attempting to control himself slightly right now. Before he decided to put his hand on the knife, that was. Luckily he had one point two ounces of self control in him, or she would be bleeding right now, with a sharp object in her torso. Yeah. Good luck getting it out. So instead, maybe he should revert to violence through words, yes. That's what the therapists say, right? Well, they say not violence at all, but that's just silly. Conor couldn't put those two words together in his head, they just didn't go. So whatever to that, then. "FUCK THAT, SHAYNA. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm fake now. Okay. For trying to not scare the fucking shit out of you; I, Conor. I'm fake. That's great, Shayna. I'm so friggin pleased; you really are self centered aren't you? How about you FUCKING APPRECIATE what I'm doing right now, okay? Okay. Jesus christ. I thought you were okay, but you are just like everyone else. What a surprise. Well, I should have known, shouldn't I? Sorry for protecting you. You really must have no effing IDEA who I am, then." The words were like venom; they stung. More so for Conor than her, at least so far. "Fuck you." Conor mumbled, biting his lip. Jesus christ. What did he just do? As a knee jerk reaction; he managed to ball his hands into fists; just in time at that. He regretted it a little though, he forgot the previous damage. Ugh. He just cussed way too much for his own good and he was definetly going to hell for that and everything else he had done in his lifetime. But since when did god matter. Who was guilting him into believing that shit now, too? And when the realization hit him that he hadn't run away, or hurt Shayna so that they were no longer together, he saw that they were after a quick glance to the side. Dammit. He moved a sizable step away and rolled his eyes. If she was as tough as she made herself out to be maybe she survived the...BOMB EXPLOSION, but who knew. He basically yelled the whole thing, although he luckily kept it to a minium? Oh jesus. What now. He just fucked things up and there was no getting out of it; all she needed protection from was him. He wanted to apologize for everything...sigh. And this was rare, who the hell was he feeling the remorse now and not hours later? Fuck. He was screwed. He did just lose it. It wasn't the worst it could have gotten, a...decent (thirty percent?) bit of it was suppressed. Lucky for her. Not everyone got this, but most of it was because he didn't her to run like a chicken with it's head cut off to some guard and rat him out. Which would only get him shoved...somewhere. He had no idea. And this tim he really didn't want to know. Those could possibly be the only people he would not be able to fight off. Right now though...it was damn appealing. He needed to go to his...dorm cell thing and sit. And take out his anger somehow. He hoped to god no one heard that, or jesus christ...he would be talking to a therapist even more than normal, which was quite a bit. Ugh. He also prayed- yes, prayed- that she wasn't a snitch-type. The ones who told on you. But the again, if she did, who knew if she would get in trouble too? Conor hoped so. No, wait. He didn't. He was screwed. Period. Everything he just did...and well, said of course, was stupid and irrational, obviously. Why did he said that...why did he agree to go with her in the first place. Stupid. Everything he did was a stupid idea.
He could see the remorse in her; too. At least they both felt the same way. He still did enjoy her company but she probably hated his; he was just agressive and dumb and upset and...he was lost. He wanted to leave, he wanted to get the hell away from her to effing help her, because he couldn't control his impulses and she felt bad enough already, he didn't need to contaminate her by swearing the ears off of anyone and everyone and making her feel even worse. He was down to just mentally abusing himself at the moment, he didn't know what else to do but punch the wall which was bigot unlikely, he didn't want two broken or just dysfunctional hands, did he? Or he wouldn't be able to do anything. Which he still wouldn't be able to do if someone heard the whole thing. He really didn't want to end up in some padded cell. That was nightmarish. Something told him (his spidey-senses, maybe?) that no one could have heard, but he still had his precautions. Well, it was too late for doing it over now, right. She would bail on him and the story was over, everyone dies. Blah blah blah. He liked her company and her outlook on things, however naive it may be. Conor didn't really want her to leave because she was afraid, not another person. And it would be a new record, wouldn't it. After a...half an hour? He loses her, she runs away because he blows up in front of her. That soon, huh? Yeah. Wow. How sad. You've really gone off the edge this time, Conor.
He couldn't wallow in self pity much more though. He had to redeem himself. Something. And there she was, over it all, and there he was, with a purple hand and a distressed expression and fuming because she just screwed himself. If only it was that easy. She had to forgive him, right? She was too nice not to; too caring to pass it up for too long. So he could just pretend he never said anything? Well. He did and he wouldn't forget it. He needed some effing brain bleach. Sweet christ. Conor didn't like guilt, it followed him. And that was unpleasant. He didn't really know one person who thought otherwise, but still. He shouldn't have listened to her, just ignored her. It was so hard to keep control of everything; for him. All of it sounded so predictable and sappy and sweet but whatever. It was hard and he regretted it. A lot. So he just continued. He couldn't daunt on things forever, he thought. "Yeah, but...that's not really the problem. I know I can, I would just feel guilty leaving whatever the hell I have right now...so I don't know." He sighed, accent on the word guilty. It wasn't the problem. He knew you could and, well...should, live whever you wanted, but he didn't know if he was able to without...regretting that. It was a common theme with him; wasn't it. Guilt and regret. Well damn. That sucks. Why. He just needed to shut up. For a moment, really. Just a moment..."Well, it's australia. I would imagine. But I don't know too much about it.  So I can't say if I'd even like it. Sometimes I don't really like warm weather. Not too much." Well. He didn't know how much longer he had until she bolted away from him forever, but he was gonna make it last, right? For now. It was kind of an akward silence moment, he hated it. He really hoped she wasn't paying attention. Okay, that was a stretch. He hoped she forgave him. He didn't apologize, but..."OKAY. I'm sorry for what I just did five minutes ago."

[/color] The whole thing came out as a jumble of words; he never really apologized. Just regretted and was sad and got over it. "Wow. That was new."[/b] He muttered, surprised. Where the hell did that come from.[/size][/blockquote]

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2. this rambling is 1990 SUMTHIN words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...MOST OF IT IS JUST CONOR BLOWING UP AND ME TIREDLY RAMBLING, KSO. DUN WORRY ABOUT MY WORD COUNT EATING YOURS. PLUS I LISTENED TO LIKE...ALL THE EXPLICIT MUSIC I HAVE, SO MWHAHAHA XDDD [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

as the lashing words poured from conor's mouth, shayna took it like a physical beating. at the first thing he said, the fuck that, she cringed, as if he had actually slapped her, which he hadn't. but the words stung. she waited for him to finish his rant, and she bought into every word that he spoke. was she self centered? her doubts only began to feel heavier. who was she to call him fake when she didn't even know him that well to begin with? but then again, who was he to call her fake? they were both under the same circumstances. he didn't know her and he had absolutely know right to make those kind of judgements against her. he was right though. as aggressive and explosive that had been, everything he said was right. or was at least on the right path. maybe she was self centered. maybe she was only thinking of herself. maybe she was just using him so she didn't die in her stay at the asylum. but as she continued to rake over the thoughts, she knew that wasn't true. she wouldn't use someone, she wasn't that kind of girl. if anything, she had only been thinking of him and what kind of awful life he must have had that would turn him this way. but as the words sunk in, and more words were spoken, the sick feeling in her stomach only grew worse. the pain wasn't something she knew how to describe. it was from the combination of the harsh words mixed with the person saying them. if someone she barely knew could make those judgements about her, what was stopping everyone else? it felt like he had hit her. or someone had. physically, it was comparable to being punched in the gut, when the air gets knocked out of you and it becomes hard to breathe at such a quick pace that you start to panic. that was shayna at that moment. panicking. however, she pulled that figurative mask on once more so he couldn't see the panic. inside, she was being torn apart from the dagger-like words he had spoken. on the outside, she made it look like she hadn't even heard what he said. she didn't look at him once. her eyes stayed down and she involuntarily wrapped her arms around herself, like she was trying to hold herself together. she heard his mumble. his curse. and it hurt.

confrontation wasn't shayna's thing. she couldn't bring herself to try and lash back with something as scathing as when he had brought himself to say because she couldn't even think of the words to use. even after being yelled at, no strike that. even after being completely verbally scorched, she still couldn't find the ammunition to speak at all. she didn't have that anger welling up inside of her. she didn't have that impulsive tongue. more often than not, shayna thought almost too much about what she said. she couldn't even think of what she would begin to say to him. at first, she would have started by asking how he dared call her fake, or call her self centered. but she kept her mouth shut. she didn't want to make matters worse. she was terrified that he was going to walk away. runaway. leave in general. she didn't want to scare him off like that. oh the irony, yeah? like goldy locks could scare away the big bad wolf. meanwhile, she had no idea that he was worried about whether or not she was going to attempt to make a break for it. which she wasn't. she would stay until he left. she had already decided on that earlier. the feeling inside of her was strange. she felt like she should have yelled back and taken the bait to his screaming match, or push him or hit him or something. she felt like she was supposed to react. but she didn't. she couldn't bring herself to make the situation worse than it already was. they walked along in silence. she was careful to keep her mouth tightly sealed to fight back any urge she had to cry. that's how badly his words stung. now she just wanted to lock herself in her basement room and cry. the idea made her feel pathetic. she would be crying while he was probably pleased with himself. she hadn't bothered to look at his face to see the remorse that was beginning to expose himself. instead, she stared at the ground ahead of them.

the silence was terrible and awkward. no one else was around to make any noise, which made it that much worse. the only thing she could hear now were their own footsteps as they walked along. but even in the awkward silence, she didn't want to speak. she knew that if she opened her mouth, the only thing that would come out would be apologies and at that moment in time, she didn't want to apologize. for the first time in a long time, shayna felt that he really didn't deserve her apologies, even though she was aching to say sorry for something she may or may not have done. she shouldn't have let herself slip up like that. she shouldn't have said something to retaliate against him. it was probably safer for both of them to just wait it out and let him mentally cool down. her lips were pressed into a tight line and she worked hard to keep the water from making it's way to her eyes. the longer she sat in the silence, the worse she felt, the more the words sunk into her skin and multiplied. she kept repeating it over and over in her head. i thought you were okay, but you are just like everyone else. what a surprise. well, I should have known, shouldn't i? sorry for protecting you. you really must have no effing IDEA who i am, then. he was right about that too. she had no idea who he was. she had no idea what he was capable of. she had only been fueling whatever fire had been hidden inside of him that she didn't see. or maybe she did see it, and she just thought she would be able to dance around it without getting burned. she hated that he was comparing her to everyone else. that might have been what hurt the most. she wasn't like everyone else. everyone else was shallow and rotten and terrible. was she like that too? how could she have gone her entire life thinking she was so good, when in reality, she was just as bad as everyone else? the thought was nauseating to her. it was repulsive.

but she could get over it. or she could pretend to. that was shayna's thing, after all. she had that amazing ability to mask what she felt and let things roll right off her back. she could shake it off. or she could make conor think she really didn't care about his opinions of her, even though she did. she didn't need to sit on his words and wallow in her own shame and misery. she didn't need some boy that she barely knew making her feel even worse about herself than she already did. so she waited. and as the silence continued, she started to cool down as well. eventually, the consistent demeaning thoughts about herself began to fade and she was able to bring herself back to thinking on more positive terms. she reminded herself that just like her, he was in an asylum and people like them weren't meant to control their problems without some kind of help and her constant badgering probably hadn't helped him cope with whatever he was dealing with. she continued to wait and walk. she needed him to be the first to speak. she couldn't bring herself to do it, even though she probably should have. and finally, he did. he went on like he hadn't just exploded on her and continued with their discussion over their future plans. she didn't know how he could do it. how did he go on without feeling so guilty about what he just said? if she ever come out and spoke like that, she wouldn't be able to live with herself. mind you, her eyes hadn't moved from their position of staring down and she had yet to see the emotions on his face. she was completely oblivious to the fact that this might have been one of the first times conor actually felt bad for something he did. and her questions were answered quickly when he spit out an apology. it wasn't something she had expected, but it was something that would to help heal up any of the misery she had been left in. while she still felt the after blow like she had been slapped, and the aching still lingered, she was getting over it. he hadn't meant it. or at least, that was what she was telling herself.

"okay,"

[/color] was the only thing she could eventually bring herself to say, and she had only said it about a minute or so after he apologized. she knew that was probably hard for him. she didn't think he was the kind of person who apologized very often. her lips barely moved to form the word, and her voice was soft. it sounded too vulnerable. she didn't like it. quickly, she tried to regain herself. "you don't have to apologize, though. i'm over it."[/color] she wasn't over it, but she didn't need his apologies. okay, maybe she did. his simple apology had been enough to take her out of the bad mood she had just been in for a few minutes. she had finally stopped repeating his words to herself. she had no intentions of leaving. no intentions of walking away from this. in fact, she already felt committed to their friendship. or whatever kind of relationship could possibly form out of his bitterness and her naivity. it wasn't a good combination, but she wasn't the type of girl to runaway from something like this. she was going to stay and he was going to have to accept it or runaway when she wasn't looking. it was strange how quickly she had gone from upset to determined, but it was nice. it was better. it was an improvement. "we should probably find that ice for your hand now,"[/color] and there she went, changing the subject like she did. she didn't think he really needed the ice, but she thought that the quicker they forgot about what just happened, the better off they were. what were they? she didn't even know. she couldn't call them friends but she wouldn't call them enemies. they were something inbetween. she had no words for it, and she didn't really think he would either. honestly, it was the most fucked up thing she had ever experienced, but it was also the best. she was already done and over the fact that he had yelled at her. she didn't care anymore, and she was over it as long as he was. she had yet to figure out where they were going or what they would do with themselves. tomorrow would be an entirely new day and she didn't know if he would hate her or like her, but that was irrelevent.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 2011 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

The only thing possibly worse than what Conor did just under five minutes ago was how Shayna was simply blowing it at all off, it was annoying the shit out of him, and even though there was a chance if she told him what she was seriously feeling, he would say sympathy was something he lacked and she could fuck off, that or he would just explode, again- and he really didn't want to, he already fucked things up enough, simple as that. He didn't even need to glance at her in the slightest to know what he did, or what she was feeling, it was all just going to add to how shitty everything had gone. As they say, just when you think you've seen it all, right? Yeah, well, in that case he had seen absolutely nothing, even though she had, of course she had. He didn't want her to; that was the whole point of what happened. So for once maybe he...well, cared. And maybe he did that too agressively like everything else in his life. Just great, fucking great. He had no idea what made him get like that or why, but somehow Shayna should be taking it as a compliment because, in Conor's memory, he had never secretly said he cared for someone in a fit of rage; or he didn't remember. 'Cause it probably never even happened. Well. Like everything else he totally screwed this up and god knew what he was SERIOUSLY thinking (or feeling, for that matter, he didn't know which was more on the important side of things at the moment) and it was probably something he would only be even more depressed to hear. So she was being nice but not giving him any indication of...anything, but it was annoying him, and he wasn't really going to say much more on the subject. He didn't want to or felt like he needed to, as if he needed to fuck anything else up. Oh, joy...
But she was apparently okay with everything. Not. He could tell, she was basically not saying anything at all, but lucky for her he overheard it somehow. Like said, he really didn't even want to see her right now, she was sad. Oh, sad was such an understatement, he almost didn't want to say she was probably regretting even being near him. He could bet that she, right now, was thinking he was insensitive. Which was and wasn't true. You had to have some idea of sensibility if you just screwed yourself by showing it, no? Yeah, well. He did. And it didn't seem like it, especially in these latest five minutes, he really did and he regretted all of it. It was stupid and for once his spontaneity truly failed him. perfect timing. Just when things were going fine, something had to happen, didn't it? And now she hated him, too bad he couldn't tell that she actually didn't, that not everyone automatically hated him. Which he had come to accept, he'd come to terms with it all by now. This was kind of just one person in particular he cared about. Or, moreover, cared abot what she thought. And if she hated him then maybe he could respect it, but he really wouldn't. Conor knew it; he would be pissed but then again. He should see it coming. So when she kept saying it was okay he really didn't buy that shit and never would. It was nothing but her defense strategy coming into play, which hadn't worked with him so, and no one said it was now, but the way Shayna said it with such...melancholy, it made him want to shut the fuck up and forget everything. Which was impossible, but he could dream, right? Well, maybe. He was surprised and a bit overjoyed that she hadn't ran for her life yet, but she was too nice and charitable for that, he could imagine her evil plots consisted of making Conor feel okay while, once she got out of all this- she would be crying in her pathetic little cell. But who was he calling something pathetic and her evil. Oh, irony. Like those words didn't fit him, you could not possibly answer yes while keeping a straight face, because those were two damn good adjectives. Maybe not evil...but harsh. Brutally truthful, maybe. They all seemed rather likely and right now Conor did care at all, because he knew it, except it was only solidified by what he had done just a while ago.
As much as he really didn't want to get upset that she wasn't giving him all the crap he deserved, he was. She needed to stop being nice for one fucking second of her life and just say it, flat out tell him how he screwed things. He was used to it all; really. She could say whatever, and he knew she would if given the chance. She was Shayna, and apparently she did occassionally have words of anger to say? Hmm. Well he was going to give her the oppourtunity, whether she liked it or not. "Look, I know you're not really, okay? So tell me the fucking truth, for once; I'm used to it. It would be the best thing right now." It was said in a more...pressuring tone as opposed to flat out venomous like before. He was trying but right now he just needed to get a lot of hell. Or something like that. For once, he was thinking it was a sensible idea for him to be here. As depressed as the thought was. And then he realized that no one was really even saying anything, which was...well, a tell tale sign that you really just shot yourself in the foot, metophorically speaking that is. He wanted to say something but all he could had a ninety nine percent chance of screwing things up even more. He really wanted to say something...but he already apologized and she wouldn't tell him anything because he could tell she was on the verge of...tears. Sadly. Looks like there was yet another person for her to avoid during her time here. These changes in mood during the conversation were pissing him off, really. He wasn't going to go on and on about it as he had before, but anything to fill this silence...no. He couldn't. That'd be a bad move from the minute he started talking. The only thing on his mind to do was to just shut up for once; you have nothig else to say Conor. Right? He didn't think so. At least not anything that wouldn't make him upset. Which was something no one needed right now. He was really fucked up then. An agressive person; SAD? How henious. Frightening, actually. But that wasn't going to happen. He hoped. 
This could be why he had no fucking idea as to why they were in the same breathing space, there were far more entertaining people out there. Right? Well, out there in the normal world, but in a place where everyone was mentally defective that was highly unlikely. Conor didn't really know if it was a fault of his brain or himself; there were plenty of things that happened over his lifetime that had obvious effects on his personality. Not that he was complaining, he just had a different opinion on things that some people shoved down his throat and made him believe were smart moves; they weren't. This place was one in particular. But living with his grandparents, yeah. This could have gone differently. It wasn't like he wasn't able to pull most everything while in their house, but like he said to Shayna earlier it was just a place to him. And if they were all just a bit older when his
mom ran off...then they could have lived alone without anyone. Just himself and his siblings. Which was pretty ideal in Conor's mind. And maybe this would happen after he left here. Just another life path. There were too many of them for him to keep up with. The primary thing confusing him currently was how she had said absolutely nothing, Shayna. The one who started this whole thing of crap said nothing. He didn't care if she slaughtered him verbally. He just needed some affirmation of sorts? But she was too sensitive, what he said was actually meant to burn a little. That was all that was on his mind when he was thinking of what to say then; just to make her completely and utterly take back or at least feel like an idiot for what she said. Which he garunteed he probably did sucesssfully. But now he was the only one remorseful about the whole thing. He wishes he hadn't said it; that every fucking thing in the whole world wasn't a threat or something to get angered over. She probably had no idea that he was the one who hated him more right now. But then again he had no idea. She was good at showing her feelings and, contrastingly, hiding them. So she could be ready to slit his throat (not very doable for Shayna) but she could also be hating herself. Which was stupid because it was his fault. Not hers. You could really only say this so many times before it got old and worn out; but he still thought so, after that he had nothing else on his mind BUT that. Well, who wouldn't. Anyone would be if you had a depressed person almost crying right next to you; so depressed that she was in an instituation for it. That changed things A LOT. 
And she still wanted to help him? Why? Jesus christ. He knew it was for the safe being of herself, because after that she seemed to realize that hey, maybe Conor was extremely capable of being a bastard and kicking your ass, yes. Of course he was. He didn't want to be, but since he was different than the average human being this seemed unlikely. He didn't know what to say to that. One, right now he didn't need it and didn't really want her helping him with anything, and this was not simply because of the simple reason that he didn't ever, EVER, appreciate your help so suck it and stop being so fucking charitable. No, today it was because he was still on the fuming side of things and if he stood there any longer he was fucked. Well, he was never really going to leave without warning or cause, but like he had previously feared, if anyone heard that lovely speech he was going to absolutely HAVE TO run. Fast. Warning her, hopefully. But he couldn't make any promises. "Seriously, right now my hand can go and...well we are gonna skip that part. I don't need anything. I'm fine. I really don't need you feeling bad for me, of all people. Sympathy isn't something I need." Conor put in his sentiments on the possibility of getting ice for his poor, murdered hand, but he was not in any need, nope. Well, it was more he wasn't worthy of attention; for he just killed Shayna, but he wasn't going to act soft and sweet and say something so morose and upsetting and like he had a habit of wallowing in a lake of self pity. More like drowning in it after that. So he could only blame his impulses on what he said next. "It's not being overly cautious. I think you understand what I mean when I mention protection now. Right? I don't think it's a very good idea for you to...be around? Well, you can be around but I just don't know if I'm th best person to be around, because I just fucked myself up again. Damn..."

[/b] Conor sighed again. He was contradicting everything he said and was a small step away from pleading for forgiveness from the almighty Shayna. His patheticness and floundering would probably only make her embarrassed, but he really just wanted her to stop daunting on his moment of loss of judgement; it was stupid. That was pretty obvious.
[/size][/blockquote] 

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2. this rambling is 2083 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...I WILL NEVER WRITE THIS MUCH AGAIN GAHH [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

shayna was confused. he wanted her to tell him that he scared her and that she wanted to runaway from him? but that wasn't even how she felt. how could he even think something like that? if she didn't want to be near him, she would have found a way to get away a long time ago. she was over it. kind of. she didn't really care that he yelled at her and the pain from the stinging was starting to go away. she had forgiven him, plain and simple. there wasn't much he could really do about it. "what are you talking about?

[/color] she honestly didn't even know. "i'm not going to lie to you, conor. if i wasn't over it, i wouldn't say that i was. i forgive you."[/color] she didn't know if that's what he was looking for her, but she didn't really care. it was how she felt. her voice was soft, but not sad anymore. it was almost reassuring. stating the obvious. why couldn't he see that she actually cared? she wasn't going to just leave. it wasn't like she was staying just so she didn't offend him. she was staying because she wanted to be with him. "yeah, what you said hurt, but that's kind of what you were intending for, right? it doesn't matter to me. if you want me to go, i'll go. but otherwise, i'm staying with you."[/color] was she just getting herself in over her head? yes. very much so. she had no idea what kind of person she was getting involved with. but at that moment, she told herself that she could have cared less even if he was a serial killer. she liked his company.

sympathy. what the hell. she wasn't giving him sympathy. okay. that wasn't entirely true. she was giving him sympathy, but she couldn't really help it. he was hurt and she wanted to something about it. he was going to have to accept that that's who she was as a person. she cared whether or not he liked it. she wanted to make sure he was okay. and in the process, she was going to feel bad for him. he had a messed up hand, it looked like it hurt, and she felt bad. even though she had nothing to do with how it happened, she felt bad. and then she was over here hurting him emotionally. she was causing him to go off and get more aggressive than he needed to be and it made her feel worse. so yeah, she was going to feel bad for him. "alright, i won't feel bad for you, but i'll feel guilty, and i'll care. how's that?"[/color] her voice wasn't sarcastic, and it was mean, but it was assertive. it was her telling him that he didn't really have a say in how she felt. if she wanted to pity him, she would. if she wanted to care about him, she would. he couldn't control that about her. he could scream and yell and do whatever he needed to do to try and stop her, but she had already committed. she was in over head and she wasn't backing out. conor and shayna were polar opposites. it wasn't hard to see. anyone who knew even the slightest facts about them could see that. she really wasn't angry, even after he shouted all those things at her. she had been more concered about what she did to piss him off and trying to figure out how to apologize for it.

she was fine, he was fine, or at least that's what she thought. she assumed they were getting over that little freak out he just had. she was past it, so why couldn't he be? now he wanted her to leave. he couldn't ask that. she wasn't going to go. she knew perfectly well that he didn't mean it. he was trying to .. protect her. from him. that was bullshit. she could easily protect herself from him if she needed to. kind of. she had legs and she could use them to run if he completely turned on her. but even after his little eruption, she was still convinced that he wouldn't hurt her. what more convincing did she need? god knew. the girl was stubborn, and she followed and did only what she wanted to do when it came down to things like this. "no, you can't. you can't ask that. you can't ask for me to leave, it's not happening. unless you really want me to go, conor, i'm not leaving. i don't really care if you think you need to protect me from you. i'll be fine."[/color] she didn't know if he actually was doing this because he cared about her, or because he just wanted her gone. she didn't believe the latter. part of her was almost smug at the fact that he was starting to care. or at least pretend to. was he convinced yet that she wasn't going to turn on him? she wasn't going to treat him poorly. she wasn't going to use him or take advantage of him. shayna was an honest girl. a true person. she told herself that she could see right through whatever act he was putting on. she was convinced he really didn't want her to leave. if he did, well, then she was making an ass of herself. but she didn't want to believe that yet. he hadn't had a problem with her before. okay, he had kind of gotten pissed at her, but she didn't really think he hated her. aside from their little fighting, they were having casual conversation.

and now thinking about it, she was concerned about who heard him and who might be coming for them. there were cameras in the hallways right? all of a sudden, she felt like the should probably move from where they were. the therapists that hung around in the halls were never the nicest, and if they had witnessed, or heard what he had shouted, they would be approaching with a key to the detention rooms and a needle to sedate conor with. "do you .. uhm. do you think maybe we should go? somewhere? just in case, you know, someone heard that."[/color] she was worried more for him than herself. she probably wouldn't get in much trouble. if anything, they would just make her sit down with a therapist and she would get more medication out of it. conor, however, had been the one who let his anger get the best of him. it wouldn't surprise her if a large man with a large needle appeared around the corner. it wouldn't surprise her if tomorrow she was attempting to break him out of detention. she didn't know how conor would react to being surrounded by staff, but she didn't think it would go over well. so far, she knew how defensive he was and she could assume that it would break out into a fairly violent fight until someone sedated him. that was a bit of an extreme on her imagination's part, but could you really blame her for thinking that far ahead? she didn't think he would be the boy who would just sit back and walk along to detention without trying to fight back.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1249 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? SO SHORT COMPARED TO THE LAST ONE.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL
GETTING AWAY,
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO
ME,[/size]
and it's never going to arrive

She could say she wasn't upset all she effing wanted, but Conor wasn't planning on believing it. This could be simply because he was feeling an overwhelming amount of self-hatrid at the moment, or just because, Shayna was an extremely convincing liar who had extremely evil emotion manipulation skills. Both of these things were very annoying and he wished she would just say how upset she was so it could be out in the open and he would no longer be forced to mope about it forever. That would be nice. All he wanted was to have her be honest, no matter how rude it was, even though the minute she did start blabbing on about whatever he did to make her so visibly and audibly upset he would pprobably get pissed. And the deny ever asking her to tell him the truth because he hated it. That's how big of an ass Conor could be. It was more annoying than anything, but still. Lucky for him she was dodging ever attempt at calling him out on this; so his moment was slowly (VERY SLOWLY) fading away and would dissapear shortly there after, hopefully. He was never really a stickler for these things because, well, he didn't really always enjoy honesty, like said earlier. It wasn't something he always reacted well to, either so he figured he might as well stop badgering her to insult him, because that was really what he was asking, no? Yes. It was. "FINE. Good to know," He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Damn her, she was stubborn. It was the most annoying thing. She couldn't just give up, for once? But then again, who was he to say that. He hated giving up, yep. Not something Conor did well or without reluctancy. And he never remembered asking her to leave. Never. She liked twisting things until they fit with her being right. Or so it seemed right now. "I NEVER SAID, YOU NEEDED, TO FUCKING. LEAVE. Really, give me that at least. Okay? I never asked that. And yup, that was what I was going for. From your disposistion, it seemed to work damn well." Conor remarked flippantly. Sure, at the beginning he was a bit strong but seriously, he never said anything of the sort, so if he came off like that he might as well just shut up, because what came out was not parallel with what he was thinking at all. He did want her to stay around, she was sincere but everyone had their undesirable qualities, this was universal. There was nothing else to say. And he didn't mean to act so...snarky and conceited when he was talking, but he was somewhat pleased with what he had, well, accomplished. So he was going to savor it, like it or not.
He took back what he said about the snarky thing. She certainly was; he wasn't....ugh. You couldn't have it both ways, this was something Conor really needed to learn. He didn't want some undying care from her, but she didn't have to just be flat out...arrogant and act like he said none at all, which was what he said, didn't he? There was so much error in his ways it was even hard for himself to figure out what the fuck he meant half the time. Consider he failed in every other aspect, the only the wrong with what she just spit out was that it was something dangerously close to making him self-destruct yet again, which he doubted she'd enjoy. He didn't want it either, because he was the one who would be deemed officially psycho the next day and given quite a bit of meds and or detention, the happy one wouldn't get any shit. So she needed to stop that if she planned out getting out of this conversation without a hand that was similar to Conor's. Hah. "Oh, sure. You don't need to do anything, how about that? You could just shut the hell up and pretend to not care, i'd like that," Conor snipped in a tone quite alike to hers, that cruel indifference that was somewhat overshadowed by her love for sarcasm. Yeah, well at least he finally said it. She did need to shut up for second so he could breathe, please. He wished he hadn't said it so snarkily, actually, as with everything else lately, but he did and there was no taking it back, at least so far in the world there wasn't. Part of him also kind of liked it, that sadistic part, yeah? he liked that feeling that she could be totally squirming inside. Maybe not from that but certainly from what he said earlier. She was pretty confusing though. That's all he was thinking lately. So naive yet so crass, and so plain that it was worthy of causing fits of rage. That's definetly something to talk about. You've pissed Conor off officially, you're a winner, congrats. What?
And there she went again, thinking he wanted her gone, oh how sad. He never asked it, but apparently that's what protection was these days. Asking someone to leave, yeah. Well whatever. He wasn't really going to try and convince her otherwise. Yes, Shayna, I asked you to leave. No. he didn't. He wasn't going to flip out over it, but he wasn't going to live with it. And this was Conor for you; somewhere in the middle of flipping out and dealing with it lightly. That was on average days, otherwise he was psycho. Yep. Psycho. After that whole incident earlier he had come to terms with this, made ends meet. He thought so. Maybe not so much the latter, but he believed it now. And he hoped 'believing it' didn't cost him. Not that he thought it would, but...it could. He had faith in the could. But there was Shayna, being stubborn and annoying and just begging for confrontation, if she kept that up there was not a fucking doubt in his mind there would be a consequence, not one at all. It was all like...it was cliche, but fuel to the fire; the more she said- at least with a bitchy tone that is- it just was more and more before it really became a blaze, you know? So she could keep doing it all she wanted but soon things would get BIG. Like, big. Yeah. "Once again, must I repeat myself, you DO NOT have to leave. Do I need to say that again, or are we good now. I think so. So be as stubborn and clingy as you want, i've never asked you to leave."

[/color] Maybe clingy was a bit on the wrong-word-side, but she was just being unforgiving here and it was irritating, we know she didn't want to leave, yeah. It was established. She could keep saying that but he was going to just yell at her face that he never said such things. Because these were things really, really didn't say. Her company was, actually pretty valuable. Now all he had to do was make sure she didn't kill herself on accident, there were other angry people out there (not level four angry, but still angry) who weren't into protecting her as much as harming her, even though Conor did a fucking great job at both so far. But what happened, happened, and he needed to stop daunting on it, he would make himself upset yet again, and the downward spiral begins...yet again.
Truth be told yes, he did think they needed to go. Soon. Hallways were not the ideal battle ground or correct place for armageddon, hence they needed out pretty fast. So far Conor was too proud to say that he did think there was a strong possibility that they would have been heard or seen or something else, this was a mental facility, don't you forget, so there were plenty of ways to have noticed whatever the hell happened a bit ago. A strange part of Conor was also upset by this because that was another chance of people seeing him completely beat up Shayna with words. That means they could have heard how she sounded upset or maybe even would have seen her expression; at which point he would have held said viewer at knife point to figure out. All senses had said she was clearly distressed by it, and hindsight was twenty fucking twenty, but he needed to drop and it figure out where they were supposed to escape off to, hopefully things would be better and a little less tense there, it would make him have a headache soon enough. These things were pretty rare, the shouting moments he had gotten accustomed to; the guilt not so much. "Actually. Yes. Soon. I hope to god..."[/color] He trailed off, he would have only been re-stating the obvious had he said 'no one heard that crap' and he trailed off a lot. Since now the one, simple concern was making sure the whole...well, arguement was incognito and covert, it was good to have all the weight off of feeling sorry and needing to apologize. These things were difficult for Conor to deal with and more or less function with...or do, for that matter. "Where would we go anyway? I'd enjoy if you could figure this out soon because i'd be the one dealing with the effects, mind you. NO PRESSURE THOUGH." He stressed the no pressure thing at the end. Because even though there was a bit she need not get frustrated or annoyed or feel like this was all on her if he got what he...deserved? Not really.[/size][/blockquote]

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1674 lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...HE'S LIEK SAVE ME. IT'S ALL ON YOU BBY. AND WH00P FOR SMALLER POSTS ^^ HALF OF IT IS A RAMLE THOUGH. BE WARNED~ [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

she chose to ignore what he said about her leaving. he never said she had to leave, but he implied it. and that had been convincing enough for shayna. for a split second, she thought about letting the guards come and get him, just because he was being a jerk. however, she quickly decided against it, knowing all too well that she couldn't have done it even if she wanted to. even if she hated conor. which she didn't. she didn't hate him at all. he was just .. frustrating and irritating and annoying. but it was all wrapped up in one pleasantly confusing, irritable, mean, package. but pleasant. and a little amusing. whatever, you get it. she enjoyed his company. "pretend not to care? that's not something i'm capable of, sorry."

[/color] her tone actually seemed sincerely apologetic, because she was actually apologizing for being unable to pretend to care. he asked for it. okay, he may not have physically requested that she start caring about him, but the second he agreed to ditch the infirmary with her, he had signed himself right up unknowingly. she didn't really care if he liked the fact that she cared or not. it was happening and he couldn't change it. and she wasn't shutting up. hadn't he already learned that she was stubborn? she wasn't defiant, but she was stubborn. her mind wasn't easily changed. it wasn't her fault that he didn't like what she had to say. and to be honest, she was pretty sure that he was hardly listening to what she said and he was more concerned about just proving her wrong.

just as conor finished telling her that deciding where they made their hide out was all on her, she thought she heard footsteps. at first, she thought she was imagining things in her paranoia, but there was no mistaking them. they were faint, but she could feel it under her own feet. the footsteps were hustled, which meant there was either a pack of rabid patients heading their way, or the staff members had finally located them. the good thing about shayna, was that she was smart. she didn't give herself enough credit. she always said that in a rough situation, she would be helpless, but that was entirely true. she had a knack for working well under pressure, and working quickly. she thought fast and figured solutions out. it all came from having nearly perfect marks in high school. "alright, i know where we can go,"[/color] instinctively, she grabbed conor's hand and quickly led him down another corridor in which she knew the footsteps weren't coming from. "c'mon, move it,"[/color] she ordered, trying very hard not to smile. she appreciated the irony in all of it. while she was busy fighting with conor over stupid things, and while they were debating whether or not she should leave, they were also running away to find some hiding place together until the staff members decided that hunting them down wasn't worth it. she wasn't running, but she wasn't exactly walking leisurely around. her legs moved fairly quickly; hell, she had always been fast. running away was pretty much her thing. down the corridor, she came to a sudden halt before pulling open another door which led to a flight of stairs.

ushering conor through, she closed the door behind them and led him up the stairs, until they reached a point where they really couldn't go any higher. but there was a window. now, shayna wasn't a criminal, but she certainly had those instincts, although she would never admit it. she had done this a thousand times before, except she had never really been being chased. the girl could steal without being caught and flee without being heard, and it usually came in handy, but they weren't traits she bragged about. the window wasn't large, but it wasn't small. she had faith that conor would be able to easily climb through it. she unlocked the hingers, opened it, and climbed through much more gracefully than she thought she could ever pull off. and within that second, her feet hit the lower level of the roof. thankfully, it was the middle of the day and the sun was out. she didn't exactly want to hide out on a roof in the middle of the night, freezing her ass off. "hurry up, will ya?"[/color] she teased, watching conor with a grin on her face. she wasn't coming off as bitchy or impatient now. she was just having fun with it. having fun with conor. she didn't know if he was out or not, but there was a laddar attached to the side of the wall on the outside of the building that she climbed rather professionally in order to reach the very top of the building, where she perched sitting on the edge and waiting for conor to follow. now, being multiple stories up with someone who may or may not have been seriously irritated by you wasn't a very bright idea. but shayna wasn't thinking about that. she was just thinking about making sure he didn't get caught.

she didn't want to think about the punishments conor would get if they got caught. at least if they got caught on the roof, she would probably obtain a similar fate, now that they had broken probably a dozen rules, escaped a group of staff members and climbed up a wall to get on top of the building, where they weren't supposed to be. if they were going to get thrown in a detention cell, they would most likely get thrown in together, and that was better than having to sit in the dark silence alone. "how's this for a hide out?"[/color] from where she sat, she could pretty much see what she thought was most of michigan. beyond the property of the asylum and the surrounding forestry, she could see tiny little houses in the distance. there was a whole world out there, a world that she hadn't seen in what felt like forever. at that moment, she felt the worst longing ache to be apart of it again. but then she glanced down, saw conor, and the feeling went away, only to replaced by something that she couldn't recognize. comfort? friendship? she didn't really know what to call it. despite his cruel attitude, she liked him. he wasn't going to judge her on her fame. if anything, he was going to judge her on her contradicting tendencies. she had already placed a blind faith in conor - trusting him without really knowing if she should have or not. hell, she was sitting on top of a roof with him, and if she said the wrong thing, he could easily just shove her off and be done with it. but she had that stupid trusting factor. she didn't think he could do it. it wasn't a conceit that made her believe that, it was the simple fact that she looked past his anger and aggression and saw something else. but she was still trying to figure that out.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1239 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? FUN FUN ADVENTURES. THIS WAS FUN TO WRITE.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL  
GETTING AWAY, 
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO  
ME,[/size]  
and it's never going to arrive

Well, it was good to know that no matter what you said she was that stubborn. So much so that you could ask her not to care, which most people enjoy. It takes the burden of pretending to care off of your shoulders, but no. Shayna liked this. Okay then. But you could ask her or even tell her not to care...and she had to. Hmm. That was an excuse he had never, ever heard and he didn't plan to up until then, really. It just showed that maybe she was forgiving and it was an admirable trait which Conor did desire although he would most certainly tell you otherwise. A part of him really just wanted to be in awe of her all over the place but that was pathetic and...sad. VERY sad. Plus love or affection or admiration were things he wasn't too handy at; this wasn't saying he just gave up. But he never tried that much. Because he failed quite a bit. "Oh really, well you seem to have no problems with perserverance so I assume you could try for me."

[/color] He was kidding somewhat. Because by now it was pretty universal that he did really wan her to care. In secret, although he doubted it was much of a secret anymore. It wasn't giving up, it was just admitting in a less obvious way? Maybe. Something like that at least. You had to care about someone if you wanted to talk with them so deeply. Well, deep was kind of a far cry from their conversation, but some things were slightly considered to be more...closed topics to Conor as oposed to open ones. But a lot of things were private to him. So who was he to talk. He didn't know. But it meant something that he wasn't really afraid to tell her that stuff as he was with others. There were still some hesitances, sure. But not as many this time around.
There would have been more time for him to ponder such things if not for her pulling his arm off. Whatever it was that made her so sudden and...impulsive, was not apparent to Conor for quite awhile until he did faintly notice echoing. Which, in Conor's experience equaled people, and people made footsteps. So he really just let her continue dragging him wherever the fuck she wanted to, even though there was a possibility it was toward a cell. Or, even better, toward one of the...mysterious figures at the end of the hallway. He didn't think she would do this at their current relationship state. But god knew, right? He made sure to say something about the way she was gripping his hand though, he couldn't help it. "You know, I kind of like this." If you were anywhere near both of them you could hear the smirk in his voice. It was just a quip that Conor had a tendency to make lots of. He doubted she would be annoyed or even care more than a little. At least this whole thing was kind of a reminder that the subject of what he had done that got them into this situation in the beginning was all but forgotten. Luckily. It was also lucky she knew where she was going. Then again this seemed unlikely because all she did was go up stairs. Which Conor doubted would have any effect on people who were hired to contain insane people. Yeah. Definetly not. That was until he noticed the magical window; but of course you had to go through it. No. Conor had no fear of a roof or of windows, for that matter. So when she was pressuring- well, not so much like that but taunting, maybe- him to make his way out, he did. And jesus christ, he was barely here and the feeling of fucking fresh air was strange. Okay, well, not strange, but...refreshing. Obviously. It was nice though, and he found it funny how she was saving his ass, looks like someone did have reflexes. Hmm. Not everyday though, only in certain life or death situations. Helping Conor out for a moment was not exactly one of these times, he appreciated it. Because he really did. But he was confused; did she like him or not? Well, not like...right? He didn't think so. Like she would now, for all off nearly an hour they had been talking, and not civilized; how-is-your-day-going talking. But arguing on and off and yelling various obscene phrases (mostly on Conor's end with that one though) while having the occassional sane moment where things were not being insulted or remarked about or any of that, and Conor liked it. It was a pretty damn moody relationship but it was something...he just didn't know what to think of it. Or of Shayna for that matter. Something was working in his defense though. She did this. Managed to save his ass. Well, so far. No one could say for sure, but so far. And he lived in the moment, remember? Even though sometimes he thought about what could come, like in the possibility of being found. Which he dreaded but could happen. He didn't really want to think any farther than the 'getting caught' part of things though.
Conor didn't know what to expect of relationships just yet. Not that he had never had one, be it serious or just friend types; but they sometimes scared the shit out of him and what had happened...well, it felt like a long time ago, was just another reason why. He didn't like being truthful, not always, and god knew if they got into something serious, fighting-wise. All that happened last time was Shayna getting a little pissed and he didn't want to know or think about what would have happened otherwise; if she had been a bit more or less angry, if she said different things. What would he have done anyway, he had no friggin idea. He should though, he should have thought about it. Well, he could have, but he just settled on trying to prevent these things from even happening.
Which wasn't a bad idea. So it was one thing to have the whole anger problem; that interfered a lot. But Conor really never fancied spilling his guts out on the table for everyone, metophorically of course. He hadn't really done anything of the sort just yet. He didn't know what he would do if he was asked something like that though, not at all...he would just deal with it, right? Or he would need to try; for her. It was damn clear he felt something and he didn't want to fuck it up for the second time, maybe third? It did not mean, however she got off free. He couldn't tell her eveything if she asked right at this moment. No. There had to be something more than just knowing him for a moment and having your relationship be reborn because you just screwed things up awhile ago, no way. He wasn't asking for her to...love him. Just to know him better. She didn't seem like the person to dig into these things, but he might as well consider the possibilities; they were endless to say the least. Good thing he thought about them a little before his explosion or you could jut say she would either be gone and it would be Conor trying AND failing to save himself, or they would be a step away from being shoved into a even tighter cell than the ones they both lived in. Together. And if they were still fuming at eachother things would get nasty, lest we forget. Conor had a knife. Of course.
So it was probably five minutes after she asked how their current hiding spot was that he finally came out of whatever he was in and answered. It was pretty nice. Seeing something aside from solid coloring in depressing shades was...actually even more depressing. because who knew when he would be out of there, when he would be able to see this WITHOUT hiding for your life at the same time. It was saddening to say the least. "Oh god...well yeah. But seeing all this kind of makes me enviously depressed," He started, sighing. He wasn't going to conceal how upsetting it was. It wasn't as sad as when he...well. It wasn't as sad as it could be, but it was a interesting view on everything at the same time. He glanced at Shayna for a moment before continuing. "Because you don't really know when the fuck you're going to be able to see it without breaking fifty rules at the same time, you know? Like when you're going to get out."[/b] Conor ended the sentence abruptly and looked down. It was all kind of sad. But he needed to stop thinking about it. He was with Shayna right now who was a pretty mellow person. He just, still, had no idea what kind of crap they were even in or what kind of...well, miracle must have happened to let this all last. Strange.
[/size][/blockquote] 

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1566 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...OKAY SO MBBY I DID GO ALL SUPER WORD COUNT BUT WHATEVER. AND I COMMA SPLICED, BUT I LOVE COMMAS :'D BUT CONOR IS LIKING THIS ALL. LOTSSS. HE'S LIKE WELL MBBY SHES OKAY NAO. [/font][/center][/justify]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

* THIS IS WRONG BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL

[/color]
- - - - LIKE THERE AIN'T NOTHING MORE RIGHT, BABE. MISTY MORNING COMES
( and i can't help but wish i could see your face - - )
[/font][/center]

for the first time, shayna actually didn't care. well, sort of. she hadn't taken into account what conor's feelings on heights were, or if he even wanted to go outside. but then again, she had been too busy saving his ass to care. she was just glad he didn't call her out on it. she wasn't going to brag about what she had just done. even in her mind, she didn't think that taking them up to the roof was all that spectacular. it had been more or less an impulsive thought, but it had also been her thinking quickly. she knew exactly what she had been doing, and not at any point in time did she question her actions. she was surprised that conor didn't though. hadn't he been the one making comments about everything she did so far? he gave her one comment. you know, i kind of like this, and it wasn't even what she expected. it had almost been enough to make her stop dead in her tracks, but she didn't. she kept moving. she had been expecting him to protest, simply because she gave no information as to where she was leading them. she wasn't going to lie though. she had kind of liked it too, which was the strangest feeling that shayna had, pretty much ever. she couldn't decide if she was liking the adrenaline rush or physically hold his hand. as much as she didn't want to admit it, holding his hand had been nice. even though it had been in an attempt to escape, it still had a little bit of meaning for her. was conor thinking the same thing? probably not. she didn't say anything in response to the comment. she heard the smirk in his voice and she smiled a little bit to herself, but she kept her mouth shut.

if he wasn't questioning her actions, then that meant he had returned some kind of trust into her. right? he had pretty much just trusted her with how he was going to spend his next few days. in therapy, in a cell, or wandering around freely. while she had been able to get that freedom for him, there would always be the slim chance that the staff members found them out here. they could always keep running. there was another door into the building on the same level as where they were sitting, but she was pretty sure it led down to the stair well in the offices, and walking straight into staff headquarters wasn't a smart idea. she was starting to realize that she didn't know how much time she had left with conor. in a way, their time was infinate. they had all the time in the world at the asylum, because it didn't really look like either one of them were getting sent home anytime soon. but today, it felt like they were going to get caught and they were going to be seperated. she wasn't ready for that yet. she had been confident that no one would find them up here, but just the thought of getting seperated so early made her second guess herself. which, she really shouldn't have been doing. none of the staff members really cared enough to climb up to the roof after two patients. but that wasn't even a thought in her head as she continued to wonder what would happen to conor if they found them. she didn't give a shit about what would happen to herself.

she almost hadn't realized how the long silence passed between the two of them because she had been so lost in thoughts as well. conor's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. she wasn't feeling the, envious depression, that he claimed to be feeling, which she probably should have been because she was the one locked up for depression. but sitting out on the roof just made her curious. it made her feel good. it was nice to get out of the monotonous hallways and away from everything else. "you have to look at it from a positive aspect,"

[/color] she instructed, "yeah, maybe it might be a while until we get back out there, but you might as well enjoy the fresh air while it lasts."[/color] and that was shayna for you. always trying to find the silver lining, no matter how impossible the task seemed. she knew that conor most likely didn't really want to hear her opinion on the matter and he probably wasn't going to look for the positive of the situation, but there wasn't much she could do about that. the most she could do was just enjoy it herself, and hope that sooner or later he followed her lead. the sun felt nice against her skin and the clean air felt good to breathe in. the asylum was stuffy, and there weren't very many windows. some days, she wasn't even allowed out of her cell. today, she had gotten out due to the excuse that she needed to go to the infirmary. but here she was, breaking a dozen rules in the process. she was pretty sure there was a rule against being with another level four patient, but she wasn't sure. and with conor, she was willing to break that rule.

she was starting to like this more now. she liked being outside, being with conor, and she was tempted more than ever to reach for his hand again. but she resisted that urge, believing that he would probably only want to push her off of the roof for it. it wasn't a huge deal though, that was just a stupid impulse that she was able to talk herself out of. was it strange that she liked someone like conor so much? someone so .. opposite of who she is? she wanted him to like her, she wanted him to stick around, she wanted him to want to be with her again tomorrow and the next day. for some reason, she felt like that was asking too much of him. she wouldn't obligate him to hang around her, but mentally, her fingers were crossed that he would want to see her again. she couldn't decide how she felt entirely. she was almost blind in a way, because she couldn't see what was forming between them. all she wanted out of conor was a friend, even if it was a friend who constantly picked fights with her. their relationship was all over the place, almost bipolar. they would fight, they would leave snippy comments at each other, and on the other side they would like spending time with each other and the would like everything that went on between them. she looked over to him, only to see him looking rather .. sad. and that only made her feel kind of bad for bringing him out here. "we can go back inside if you want to, or you can enjoy our time while it lasts."[/color] her voice was reassuring, and this time, she just couldn't fight back that shayna instinct. her hand found his once more, and she didn't care if there were consequences or not.

this post is for RACHEL WITH CONOR [/color]and there are 1252 words to read. the post is DONE. anything else to say? AWWH ILTHEM RN.[/b][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

-----I KNOW IT'S ALL
GETTING AWAY,
and it comes to me as no surprise

[/size][/color]
-----I KNOW WHAT'S COMING TO
ME,[/size]
and it's never going to arrive

He really had no idea what she thought of him or, what he even thought of her for that matter. It was all kind of a blur and a lot had happened, things were on and off and finally back on again, he was really just waiting for some reason to make him feel like harming her yet again; it seemed pretty inevitable at the moment and he didn't know what to expect. So far Shayna seemed relatively infatuated with him if not pissed off; that was a good sign, right? It would be so stupid, and way, way too soon to even say he liked her in that way, so he wasn't. Because part of him thought he did, which was idiotic and naive and innocent, just like her. Except for the idiotic part which neither of them had. Or that's what he thought. Right now he also found the trust in her again, if there ever was or wasn't any he didn't know. He thought it would all be diminished after their verbal warfare, but apparently not. Like he had been thinking a million times before, he didn't want that trust to go overboard, though. That was dangerous and just begged for some type of rant about how these were the things that happened when Conor got too involved and blah blah blah. This really was not their current situation though, he needed to remember that. It was questionable what the hell Shayna thought of him, because not only his opinion mattered, no no. It was getting a bit difficult to withstand the occasional silence and moments where he really, really wanted to say something along the lines of 'I underestimated how great you are.' Or...maybe not that at all. No way. It dripped sappiness and predictability and it was so stupid. It was like he lost his judgment around her, which he regretted deeply. Not only was it basically a problem to begin with, he didn't want to end up saying something on accident, be it horribly wrong or too nice. Too nice. What a phrase, Shayna needed to get used to it. There was such a thing as too nice. Believe it or not. So their relationship was strange. They were polar opposites and they somehow had trust, and a sense of communication which needed some help, but still. The only problem was Conor had absolutely, no fucking idea if this was all mutual, really. He could imagine it wasn't, who liked him anyway. It wasn't his fault that he was pissed as an automatic outlook on things; it was just how he worked. That could be what would cost him in the end with Shayna, of course it would be. But he didn't know at all what she thought. Not a bit.
Or he used to not know, because when it hit him that she was making contact it was like seriously being punched somewhere you didn't want to be. Wherever that was. And it was hard. And it only added even more embarrassment and...confusion to Conor's thoughts and now his expression, although he hid it just in time. If she saw that she would think she totally screwed up and he didn't like that feeling; which to be honest he did. WHAT. Wait. He couldn't. It was wrong in so, so many ways and this was just her growing on him and making him feel like the world was just happy in every fucking aspect and that he didn't have problems, serious ones and worse, that she felt the same way? He didn't know how to handle it. It was a bit irritating, what she did. She could have asked? Oh jesus, no. You don't ask these things, but as if he would know. It wasn't like Conor was the best in serious moments or relationships, for that matter. But he needn't get so excited, it could have just been because she was bringing him somewhere else, right. Well, no. When he waited a moment and she didn't go anywhere, but instead just stared, like it was half as akward for her as for him, simply because of how wrong it was. Then again it wasn't wrong. He was just confused and she seemed to know what she wanted. Conor wished he knew. For being the average bastard (well, not always average) he really had no skills in the decision area nor in the putting yourself first. Well maybe the latter, but it was something like that, he thought so. Before he started talking he needed to take a moment...make everything okay... "Somehow I knew you would say this."

[/color] He said in a confused tone. Because he was confused, deeply. It wasn't fun. He really wanted to ask her what she thought of everything in general but it was kind of awkward? He also really didn't want her thinking that he like...wanted to jump into things and he loved her and it was all happy times and fun. Because it wasn't. There were catches to everything. Even to knowing Conor? Yeah. There were. "The again I probably shouldn't be depressed about something like that because I don't know what i'm going to do after I leave here anyway. And I thought it was your job to be depressed. Right. Or is that just a label."[/color] He was going to drop it after the 'right' part but he could see her getting pissed and the downward spiral repeating all over again. Not only was it tedious and annoying, but Conor really didn't want to ruin whatever they were...experiencing right now?
He didn't want to go inside, no. It was nice, just new and kind of strange. It was different and even though he really didn't want to go...home, he wanted to when he saw everything. It was, really tempting. The people that were there were not, though. Home had changed over the years and he never really knew where it truly was. It just needed to be somewhere like...here. No. Not in an asylum, hell no. He just meant somewhere that made him feel okay. For once. Whether or not this meant Shayna had to follow him wherever he went did not really apply, because it wasn't just her, although she was a rather large part of it, and if he ended up leaving before her or vice versa, which he doubted- what would happen then? It was not like you could communicate with people in here very often. No one said it wasn't like after she got out he couldn't help her get out. He was good at these things; because then their plan could be carried out of running off to nowhere. It sounded so cliche and Conor really despised this, but who knew, like he always said you should prepare for the worst. Shayna needed to know this, because if something like that did happen in an alternate universe, mind you. She may or may not be prepared. But oh, this was stupid. Like she depended on him for life; who the fuck would depend on a mental patient. Wow. Something was screwed up then. No one was that into each other yet, or he didn't think so, right? They couldn't be, no one ever was, more or less with himself. Conor was barely interested in himself half the time. So.
The whole thing was strange and he liked it, let's be honest here. It was away from the boring routine he seemed so used to. This was all welcome, very very welcome... "No, not really. It's just kind of. Not normal. And this is..." The end of the statement was reduced to a mumble, but he nodded toward they currently intertwined hand. Or hands. He didn't want to say not normal, because for Shayna this could be associated with bad, and then she could get upset, and then Conor had fucked this whole thing up again, and then he would be depressed and then probably end up shouting yet again, which, in conclusion would lead to...their? Eventual demise of being found by whoever was in the hallway. Which Conor DEFINITELY did not want, because if they hated each other then they wouldn't do well in the same detention cell, for a long time at that. Scary. But he needed to say something. Maybe. No. It wasn't a good idea, hopefully she wouldn't ask what he meant, that was just an accident waiting to happen. Nevermind, he had to say something. Now. Before he screwed it all up again, like you'd expect. "That's kind of just...weird? Too. It's a new thing, a bit. But i'm not saying that as an insult, it's just. Whatever. It's just nothing, fuck me."[/color] He really wasn't in the mood to go on and on about how he had no idea what to do or say or how he felt about her, hopefully sooner or later she would ask this so he wouldn't feel so wrong asking what she thought of him. He hoped. Probably a long shot, but there was still a chance, right?[/size][/blockquote]

tag SHAYNAA. banner from the almighty STALLION DUCK@CAUTION 2.0 this rambling is 1528 words. lyrics are fromLAST BY NINE INCH NAILS other important stuff...WHEE THEY'RE SO FUN. AND CONOR'S LIKE HOSHIT. YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME TOTALLY SAY I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKING ME RITE. NO YOU DIDN'T. I'M ONLY SAYING THAT CAUSE I LIKE YOOOO~ [/font][/center][/justify]