FALLING AWAY ., JESSICA

[zee]

fly back, my hands are dry .,
notes: ;D words: five seventy six. tagged: jessica.

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He was slightly inept when it came to understanding the purpose of therapy, he’d admit. Talk about your problems. Yeah, JJ got that much out of it. But frankly, his problems were obviously forgettable enough to the point where he had to carve them in so he’d remember. So it wasn’t like he could really chatter on about them. Most sessions involved him bitching about the people in the asylum and his therapist threatening to move him up a level, so he’d be surrounded with different crazies. He usually rejected the idea and she’d smile knowingly, and then go back to writing him a different prescription. There really wasn’t much you could do for a bad memory. But this session had been different, because a new doctor had taken on the task of making sure he could remember, and it’d involved hypnotherapy that he didn’t want to receive, but hadn’t really been given a choice. So JJ was a little out of the loop at the moment, his lips pulled up in a smirk as he pushed through the doors and into the kitchen area of the asylum. Why was he in there? Only god knew, he’d forgotten himself and it didn’t seem like it was important enough to remember anyway.

Brushing his hand absently over his arm and the raised marks there, he let his fingers trail a date and found he could remember what that one was for, something which ultimately seemed like an accomplishment. He couldn’t hide the grin that surfaced, although he did manage to conceal the plastic fork he stole out of the drawer for his later use. He couldn’t forget, because lately in this damn asylum that’s all he’d been doing. At home, he’d had a pattern of things to help him recall, to get the things he needed to know.. And now he was so goddamn lost. No calendar. Nothing of the sort. And it was killing him to admit it. So he just pocketed the plastic sharp, hopped up on the counter and watched the door to see who would come in next.

JJ found himself amusing himself in strange ways as of late, like sitting beside the pool and counting the number of times someone ducked under. He’d make bets with himself if they’d come back up or not. He’d wonder if they knew the breaststroke. JJ was losing it, and he only had being in an asylum to blame for it. His own scars hurt terribly whenever he exerted himself, because it stretched out the skin around them and thus, even though he usually ignored the pain, he found it difficult to function athletically. Not like he’d ever really been a big jock, but still the thought was there: he spent too much time intellectually and not enough building up the muscle he could have. So he merely sat, enough drive to do something but not really enough energy, his lips twisted into that ever-present smirk and his digits playing heedlessly with the knife through his pocket. God damn it. Why the fuck couldn’t he find something to occupy his time? A hobby, maybe an instrument or something productive. But no. instead he sat around and played doctor until he’d expired that urge, and sometimes after he’d lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, make shapes.

Something interesting needed to happen around Alkaline. If it didn’t, JJ was going to go nuts.

[* JESSICA ANNE REXING.]

so jessica was a little paranoid. that's what got her thrown into alkaline. she was just a little paranoid. just a little. that was a funny thought. to put little infront of paranoid made it seem as though she was just jumpy, slightly nervous, a little afraid. little was such an understatement. she just liked to deny that she was that bad off, because she wasn't that poorly set. okay, she kind of was. see, her ex-boyfriend, whom she dumped, kind of got a little obsessed with her (there's that little again). he would stalk her, send her messages, and then at one point he broke into her house and raped her. there were a few attempted 'kidnappings' which really weren't as bad as they sounded. he'd just get her in his car, drive around for a little, take her home, not let her leave until he needed her gone. he should be the one in here, not her. still, she landed herself a seat in a level four testing chair. all because she was a little paranoid.

so paranoia was her problem. it was simple. often times she didn't eat what the doctors and nurses gave her. she was convinced they'd put something in it (which they normally do), so to make them happy, she'd sit there and eat as little as possible and claim she wasn't hungry - just had a very slow motabolism. jessica didn't have a slow matabolism. she actually had a normal motabolism. it was apparent she was pretty healthy with her weight, but in order to support that and get out of eating she had to say her body was slow. it had to be real slow with how little they thought she ate. they probably knew she snuck into the kitchens, but they couldn't mess with the food cause everyone ate it. normally they just end up shoving the meds down her throat or giving her a shot. still, she couldn't live off of meds. maybe they'd 'help' her to, but really, she couldn't survive off of them. she needed food. which is why she mastered the art of unlocking her door from the inside, and getting where she needed to go undetected.

most of the staff knew the level fours and would have to escort them around if they found them wandering alone. jessica didn't like to have to be right beside someone. it made her nervous. it meant that she had to trust them with many things like not guiding her off of a cliff, not tasering her, not a lot of things. so she normally kept a safe distance. this led her to keep a safe distance from the security cameras, and open spaces that were heavily surveilanced. after so many times of sneaking out (and occasionally getting caught) she knew how to maneuver.

these wonderful skills of her led her to the kitchens. peeking in she was relieved when she didn't see any chefs or staff. rather, she saw a boy. cautiously, but looking as though she was the most confident person in the world (because she really was, she was just scared in the back of her mind), she entered the kitchen and went straight for the fridge. sometimes the chefs hid sweets in there. today there were a few chocolate covered strawberries. she was so tempted, but maybe they knew that she'd go for that. they knew that other people, anybody would though, so they wouldn't alter it. with this thought in mind, she pulled out the plate and peeled back the plastic wrap. she didn't give the boy any mind, but she really was using her senses to ensure her safety.

tag: jj.
notes: great, now i really want chocolate covered strawberries.

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[zee]

fly back, my hands are dry .,
notes: there we gooo. words: eight thirty two. tagged: jessica.

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JJ ordinarily didn’t bother with the contents of the fridge itself, preferring instead to leave that to other inmates more prone to eating. Theoretically you weren’t supposed to be in the kitchens at all, but this place wasn’t exactly five star and obviously leaving their wards to wander around during the night time didn’t bother them any. The cooks were already home, a name he seemed pleased to dedicate to them since chefs didn’t quite seem to cover all the bases. Food in Alkaline wasn’t necessarily good, but it wasn’t horribly bad… which might have explained his brilliant idea in coming back here to begin with. Although, admittedly, plastic was not his material of choice, it did seem like it would do the job sufficiently and he wouldn’t be left in the dark for quite so long as last time. JJ hated forgetting, he really did. It made him feel mentally incapacitated and lesser than the majority of the other people around him, and considering he lived in an asylum that was really an astounding feat. To that, he’d pay extra attention the next time someone brought up containment issues. But anyway, he did so enjoy the company of such strange people, those by which he seemed to be swallowed hole, and that might be why he had yet to bitch about it to anyone of authority. That being said, it was terribly dull around here when the evening hours finally rolled around, and he was stuck in his room doing absolutely nothing, if not to find someone and torment them. It wasn’t his original intention, but he didn’t really seem able to focus on one thing for very long before it slipped his mind. Welcome to prematurely onset dementia. It’s a bitch. And so he sat, his back slightly curved in a sort of relaxed slump as he watched the door, willing someone to come inside.

He wasn’t telepathic and he didn’t think he was, although when he was little he had vague memories of trying to force his mother to come out of the bath tub, where she was soaking in some nasty pink shit that had been all over the place. A rusty sort of metallic scent hit his nose every time that one shred of memory came back to him, which wasn’t frequently. That was before he’d started forgetting things. It was like his brain had been reset and now it did it every so often, not really allowing him to recall certain events or details. Frustrating beyond belief when otherwise, you had the mental intellect of a genius. So when the woman opened the door and came inside, he couldn’t help but let an expression of shock air over his features. A female, at least he hoped so, and she appeared so very confident in her stride as she made her way to the fridge without acknowledging him. He raised an eyebrow, his lips turning up in the corners as he observed her, a lion on the hunt in every way. She wasn’t necessarily unsightly but it wasn’t that that drew him to her… maybe it was the distinct feeling of eyes she seemed to feel, the slightly jumpy way she moved about. It was amusing. Brushing his hand through his hair, JJ turned so he was facing the female and raised an eyebrow in a distinctly JJ fashion. There really was no one else who could do it quite the same way. “I wouldn’t eat those,” he said by way of the strawberries, looking almost delicate on the plate in her hands. But really, it was an asylum. You didn’t get good food and you really couldn’t expect to. “Lord only knows how many times they’ve been rolled around on the floor. Try something packaged.” he shook his head, brown locks falling around his chocolate eyes almost with a sort of calculated innocence. Sure, he could have easily been just fucking with her. But it didn’t seem like he was, and to be honest he himself was a little confused by the prospect of someone digging through a fridge.

“Or you could eat those and risk disease, or contamination of some sort. Lord only knows what goes on behind these doors while we’re being fed.” now he was feeding the fire he’d started. He didn’t know her. He’d never seen her before (or so it would seem, his mind taunted from the far, dark corners), but it didn’t really matter when an opportunity presented itself. He wasn’t picky enough to really pay attention to other people and when it came down to it, she could just look at him like he had eight heads and run the opposite way. At this point, it might be wise. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he offered a chivalrous grin and then tilted his head as if to avoid her stare, the one that was inevitable and burning, scary almost. He could practically feel it already.

[* JESSICA ANNE REXING.]

jessica turned to face the boy who had spoken up. see, he had a point, but then at the same time, she wasn't going to fall for it. Now, if she had thought of it, she would've turned back and put the plate away. she would've done that, taken his advice, if she were alone and he wasn't there to suck up the glory. she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. she'd rather get sick and sent to an actual hospital than stay in the basement being tested on whenever there was a lack of things for the doctors to do. she let his words go in one ear and then out the other, only to come up with a seemingly clever rebuttal. it was what she did. some people got their kicks from popping pills, drinking too much, or sleeping with different people each night. this was how jesse got her kicks - saying she knew better, coming up with lies to keep her sense of security. there was no way in hell that this kid was going to figure her out and kill her slowly. she wouldn't let that happen.

"you're right, you're so very right," she continued to peel back the plastic wrap. no, she was not one of the people who were looking to kill themselves within everyday concepts. "but then you can be so very wrong all at the same time." she looked over each strawberry, trying to determine which looked the best. normally she would go for the larger ones, but the smaller ones were sweeter, and she had a large sweet tooth. "see, these cooks have to throw meds into most of the food, right?" here's where the smarty pants, obvious comments started to roll in. "it'd be stupid to put the meds in the food for the next day, because they can assume that people, like me, are going to sneak in and take what they please." she picked up the smaller strawberry she had been examing, twirling it by the small stem between her thumb and fore finger. "they tell people that we're safe here, so why would they go so far as to risk patients consuming meds that could cause harm to them?" what she was saying made sense. it made perfect sense. "besides, the meds would probably ruin the food by the next day, right?" even if he came up with some smart remark, some scientific facts to prove her wrong, she would not give in. it was pretty sad really.

the strawberry was small enough that she could pop it quickly into her mouth. jesse did just that after removing the small stem and leaves. it was a wonderful strawberry. sweet, juicy, and perfect with the thick coat of chocolate that consumed it while jess consumed it. "oh, you know," she considered, nodding her head, "you're right, these are terrible. so bad, you know i think i might just go lay in bed and wait until i die." her voice was swimming with sarcasm. one would think that miss paranoid would be more careful with what she ate. that she would inspect it more, cut it to make sure they weren't planning to stick rotten food for the patients in the fridge. she didn't though. she was going to up until the boy decided to put in his unnecessary two cents. jesse was so driven to prove him wrong that that desire over powered her fear - at least for the time being.

and there was something about this kid that jesse couldn't decide whether or not she liked him, or (as usual) instinctively hated him right away. he was different. probably in the way he tried to push her buttons and made it so apparent.

tags: jj.
notes: nada.

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[zee]

fly back, my hands are dry .,
notes: C: words: six seventy five. tagged: jessica.

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Yes, definitely crazy, he mused as he brushed his fingers through his hair yet again and began to half-heartedly yearn for some kind of cigarette, perhaps something with lots of alcohol content to get him fucked up. He didn't like to drink, or at least he was pretty sure he didn't... but the urge to party lately had become an overwhelming sort of pulse in the back of his mind that he could neither ignore or force to go away. Frankly, he was useless in all aspects of life except for one: his tendency to forget. Sometimes, that could be considered a good thing. A bad one night stand meant nothing when you couldn't remember it; a horrible presentation or a naughty occurrence in group therapy really wasn't all it was chalked up to be when your slate would be wiped clean by the next morning. JJ had an advantage over everyone here, because as soon as he was out of Alkaline, he'd be gone forever and would, chances stated, entirely forget he'd ever been cooped up inside of it. Like with the female in front of him, who seemed so psycho, but on such a pleasurable level; he'd undoubtedly forget her too in the morning, or maybe a little later if her presence was strong enough to rub off on him.

“I really don't think they'd go so far as to bother you with medicating the food you'd undoubtedly eat,” he stated carefully, taking a new approach to this whole situation. What she'd said had made little to no sense; why wouldn't they medicate the food so no one would take it? He knew there was shit in that fridge that was so overloaded with drugs, anyone who ate it would probably pass out. But that's what they wanted. The majority of the doctors had no interest in seeing their patients cured, they just wanted them out of the asylum and into the world, where they could wreak havoc. JJ understood this philosophy, it made sense. But what she was saying didn't seem to register in his mind very well. They knew people would eat the food, so they wouldn't medicate it? What? He shook his head abruptly, eliciting a soft chuckle and moving from his perch on the counter, towards her ever so slightly. Reaching out on long, graceful arm, he wrapped his fingers around a strawberry on her plate and brought it up to his lips, biting carefully into the succulent flesh and swallowing the hunk of fruit that had come from his mouth. “I don't suppose you want company on your journey?” he stated, quite seriously, and then laughed, throwing the rest of the strawberry into the sink where hopefully, the cooks would find it and think of him.

“So, it's really not probable that you spend a good deal of time calculating the amount of poison they put into each strawberry, what is it that brings you to the kitchens in the middle of the night? Just a sort of insatiable hunger..?” he questioned, tone slightly bored. He'd wait until there was something else to trigger yet another reaction. He wasn't crazy.. he wasn't. He really wasn't. But he was beginning to wonder if at one point, he'd been crazy. If perhaps he'd found it within himself to say the word psycho, in reference to only him. Somehow, he doubted it. But the therapy and the drugs.. they could overshadow his true self, he mused, a gentle smile on his features as he looked back to the girl. “Or was it to die, as you implied.” he tossed the statement at her in jest, not really interested to know if she'd react quite the same way as he thought she would, just out of sheer boredom. So dull when there was absolutely nothing to do and the kitchen staff had gone home. Usually he found some sort of strange solace in bothering them.... but they weren't here to bother.

[* JESSICA ANNE REXING.]

jessica could flip her shit on him right now and not give a crap. it was kind of her thing, what she did constantly. however, with this particular boy she felt different about getting physical too quickly. she had decided. it was his open-ness to get under her skin that made her feel like getting aggressive right away would do no good. it would merely give him pleasure and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. if she really wanted to see how to get under his skin and hurt him before he hurt her, why she could simply play his game. act like she didn't care about what he said when it was really killing her inside. it took so much of her self control not to pin him to the wall and ask if he knew her ex. her ex tried to slip her things, which was why she rarely allowed herself to indulge in any meals made by anyone but someone she trusted. she didn't get aggressive. not yet. she'd use her control for that and wait. hopefully, she wouldn't wait too long.

his words were pretty much restating what she had said. kind of. he had said that he didn't think they'd go so far as to medicate the food they'd eat. wasn't that what she just said, only of course in a little more complex of a way? unless of course he was being sarcastic - which she didn't note in his voice. he might've been the type of person that sounded completely serious, but was actually sarcastic. her ex-boyfriend, the pyscho, was like that. that was part of the reason why she didn't ask for advice from anyone in the first place. she figured he was just being sarcastic, trying to be funny in a non funny way. of course, she had been wrong, so bringing it up when she thought about it would've just sounded strange. it would've been too long of a wait for anyone to believe a word coming out of her mouth. nobody takes that long to let someone know how messed up their ex is. his next comment proved him to be slightly like her ex, which put her on edge, however she didn't show it.

"of course it is," she began sarcastically, "'cause unexplainable poison intakes resulting in death is exactly what the cooks are thinking when they prepare midnight snacks. hence the reason i'm here." not, she added silently, reminding hersel of a grade school student. was he honestly questioning her motives for eating? "i don't eat what they give me, so i come up here and choose for myself. it's simple." there it was, the fact revealed. she was a level four. that was the only way she could come 'up' to the kitchens. of course, she doubted the boy would catch it. if he did, kudos to him. if not, whatever. "if i wanted to die i'd carve myself up and hope that on one of those days it'd go deep enough. is that was you hope everytime you put those numbers on you?" she motioned to his revealed arm. it was a weak jab, but it was weak for a reason.

tags: jj.
notes: none.

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