Post by rachel on Jan 14, 2010 21:35:55 GMT -5
RYDEN MICHAEL HARLOW.
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* FEELS JUST LIKE WE'RE LOSING CONTROL.
and if you let go, then i'll let go tonight.[/center]
TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF.
"hi. my name's ryden, yup. i know it kind of sounds like something you...do, rather than a name but it's mine and i doubt i'll ever be able to change it. but the full thing in all it's glory is ryden michael harlow. but you're never going to use the full thing, if you did i would be terribly bored. nicknames. i don't use them much because my name is pretty short right now, but on certain terms people can call me ry? yeah, it's stupid but if you're that lazy, go right ahead, i guess. so. what else now. i am a guy, yes, i really am. there's proof but...you don't need that. i'm seventeen and i was born in december on the ninth, exciting stuff. even though i don't really get it, uh. i'm bi. i don't think going into the details matters but heyy, some people like both, you know what i mean? and i am definetly. mark my words. definetly. not doing it because that's the popular thing, popular my ass, so there. yeah, so, as far as 'appearance' goes, well. some people have said i look like that one guy. he's like someone on the internet. jordan holland i believe, and i've never actually looked him up, but i doubt they're right. it's seriously tedious to describe myself when i am right in front of your face, but i'll try just for you. hehe. my hair's black, which is easy to understand, yes? and i have greenish blue-ish eyes? it's like hazel, except with blue and green, you know what i mean? hey. that rhymed. i'm the average male height. six feet even, whoop. i don't know how much i weigh, all that stuff kind of passes me by. it shouldn't, but it does. and i'm pale. seriously pale. which i bet even you, the seemingly oblivious you- can tell. and that's me in summary. can i go now?"
TELL US ABOUT YOUR MEDICAL HISTORY.
[/size][/font]"well. schizotypal disorder. it's a mouthful, seriously. but everything that's a sub-type of schizophrenia is big! uhm. yeah, like i said, it's kind of a form of schizophrenia but it is a little bit different, like all the weird signs are. i mean, there's still the average shit, you know- illusions, strange thinking, paranoia? which i've never experienced. and i do not feel the need for isolation, what the fuck is that. but i guess i could live without talking for awhile. and i'm not odd looking, am i? i didn't think so either, and those are basically all of the signs they said determined i had it. but anyway, the whole thing is pretty obvious and kind of perverted in a sense, because sometimes i see things i would rather not go into. and i think things. a lot, obsessively, and it's about such stupid stuff that's never even happened, but i spend a very, very long time pondering about it. it can get sexy, too. if you know what i mean by that. it's really annoying. seriously. and that brings me to some strange side effect of it, but it has some obscenely large name too. but it's like...i get...uhm. i'm trying to tell you a lot of stuff here, but there's only so much i feel like sharing right now, thank you. i just get aroused by the strangest stuff, and that...that is fucking irritating to me. some people like that stuff. but no. you have no idea. it's not like everything gets me, but just some things that happen make me like that. so if i start getting weird you have all the permission in the world to stop me, please. but then again weird is a loose concept when you've got schizophrenia. so if i start getting sexually weird. because apparently my mindset is just that weird in general, so a lot of shit comes out that makes sense to no one. and i mean, no one. i don't think i'm inapropriate either, but then again i just told you i've had thoughts of sex. so something is up with that. i'm sure they put that i'm a pyromaniac on my file or whatever. but that's a total lie. i'm not. one building. ONE building and it's a mental case. i don't get it.
they're not really sure though, so don't trust me with all of that. i know, because they like to make things seem worse than they are that i am in fact, not a pyro. but the rest of it i'm not too sure. all i know is shit arouses me that really, really shouldn't and i have perverted thoughts and i hear things while occassionally see things. but i think what i just said was too much. damn. apparently these things should start happening when i'm eighteen, which i'm not, but i will be soon enough and i mean, some of us are not normal. jesus. averages are annoying. if something happens that isn't 'average' then we all freak out. sometimes surprises are nice."
HOW CAN WE ACCOMODATE YOU BETTER?
[/size][/font]"first off i wouldn't come on strongly because i have a tendency to get kind of...taken aback then. and this is not a good thing. it could cause what doctors like to call depersonalization; i've never tried to learn about what's up with me but that sounds kind of awkward and uh, sci-fi esque. a bit too much if you ask me. but most of the time i don't mind and aside from my grandiose thoughts which are sometimes said aloud, it's fine. or should i say i'm fine. and if i think i see something it's your best bet to step away. far away. because what with my penchant for fire and how every once and awhile someone may or may not get hurt, then...well, you know what i mean. i'd rather not have to deal with that.
as far as likes and dislikes go...i guess first and foremost i really like all art forms, they're pretty fascinating. i don't say i can draw or that i am seriously good at any of that because i can't really decide. i never thought so, but some people do. they're just people and everyone has a different opinion, hence, i am never sure if i'm good at anything. that sounds pathetic, but true. sleeping. of course. i don't get much because i wake up at one-fourty a.m each morning. how much linger i'm up afterward...that depends. sometimes less and sometimes more. i'm a bit more partial to the 'less' days. because then i don't feel like falling asleep at random intervals. you have no idea how much that cost me in school, yeah, i have slept through class plenty of times. it's fine. you don't miss much. this sounds so depressed...but i do like the quiet at some points and really enjoy it when people just shut up. for once. please, all you do is talk. that's how it is. but sometimes though, i like it when things are loud and annoying and everything that i hate with all my being if i'm in a mood. don't get me wrong though; i have no...aversion to people. sometimes noise is just overwhelming, you know? and i like the outdoors, surprise surprise. it's refreshing? i guess. there's not really a word for it. or not the one i'm looking for. i like games that make you think. seriously think. like minesweeper which i have beat about...seven times to this moment. and that's on hard. no one here would probably ever believe if i did say i like contact though. not like...personal contact. no. but just simple stuff, that's cool with me. do not over do it, though. and that's all i got on the likes standpoint. everything that isn't expected. but dislikes...i have a few. like i hate, absolutely HATE. people with techology obsessions, better yet, when people text. when people text while you talk. if i am talking you're not going to ignore it, okay? maybe that's why i prefer being alone, because everyone does that shit. ugh. if you're just blatantly doing it there is a possibility i'll just swat it out of your hands...yeah yeah. i know. that could be overreacting. but it's me. and apparently i am supposed to embrace me. yeah. that's deep. what else. i do not like clingy people whatsoever, just give it up, the relationship is over and you don't have to cease to exsist because of it, not really. and i don't like bland things. like this place is pretty bland so far, the way everything is white gets kind of depressing, and i'd rather not become depressed while i am here too. and i don't like germy things? it sounds so...naive saying that but that's always been a...fear-ish thing, for me."
TELL US ABOUT YOUR PAST.
[/size][/font]"so, i was born in illinois. nothing special or nowhere exciting, right. things were pretty mellow for the first good years of life, you know what i mean? i had a mom and a dad and a brother who, today is a sizable amount older than me. i'm seventeen, remember, and he's twenty-three. i don't talk to him much because my parents don't. i try, but it's hard. see, he went through college and highschool and blah blah blah, but he doesn't want to go to graduate school so he could have some ridiculously high society job. yeah. so it kind of pissed my parents off, most notably my father. they're both serious with christianity and all of that shit, and they are a bit uptight, hence they were upset my brother didn't want to follow up with that. i mean i don't have any intrest in having some crazy ass job nor do i plan on being a hardcore religious guy, that, is horribly annoying. but at least i hide it and this is why my parents have not shunned me entirely. this mindset wasn't decided until i was nine. so for the first years of my life, i knew nothing but restricted ideas and all that good stuff. and when i was nine i decided to fuck that. by then my mom had loosened up. i know she's pretending for dad but i tell her everything and anything. so i appreciate that at least one of them is sane. god, you have no idea how annoying someone like my dad is. sure, they are occassionally preaching their ideas of religion and shoving it down your throat, but then you live with that. jesus christ.
i don't really want to get into that anymore, but long story short nine years old was my revelation. once again i only told my mom, like i had plans of telling the bible-belt christian i was considering agnosticism at nine years old. hah. i did fine in school and everything was lovely. but. there is always a but— i did have a fascination with fire for quite awhile. i burned myself...twice? i do still have scars, if you will. on my arms somewhere, like...forearm wise. don't ask how they got there, maybe just sparks or something. once i almost set fire to my father's car, oh yes. good times. i resisted mind you. but then, years later, well actually only five; when i was fifteen things got exciting. not. of course there was highschool, then there was settling on being an aethist which went over well with my mother. she was happy i had the ability to stand up for myself. i was surprised. and then...well then i got a love interest, and yep, it was like all that good stuff. love is blind, and this was extremely true because one very, distressing day i realized that she was a complete whore and this was a bit too late because uh. i guess she uhm, raped me? yeah. that's kind of a touchy subject but i do realize she was an ass and at least no one killed me for it. it wasn't my fault. and I've told everyone that so many times. because they think—by they i mean doctors, they think that's how all of it started. from a possibly 'traumatic' experience, right. it's pretty obvious that's where my fetish issues came from. i don't know why having my first sex experience a revolting one makes me able to have it with the strangest provocations, but it does. and believe it or not i have been semi-okay after that, if you know what i mean. hehe. so don't ask why i still think about sex too much. cause i do. and at least you're not the one thinking it. but then... by a rough estimation maybe when i was about sixteen i started seeing things and hearing things, which i haven't told anyone aside from you, right now. i'll say everything else but that, because then...then i don't know. all i do know, is that the hearing things part of it all kind of made me a bit of a cold person which i wish never happened. ugh. but all of that caused me to start getting into...uhm, well fights. and then hurting people. and then i guess maybe getting some of that paranoid feeling. so it all kind of added up and then the voices said to—yes. they're the voices-burn a church somewhere. i just did it, and i got a hell of a lot of shit from my dad. because they figured it out, obviously. he thought it was my way of rebelling. it wasn't, but maybe. i don't know. sometime a little afterward i burned down a...catholic school, i believe, and just sat there because that's what they said. lucky for my father we are just rolling in money, hence he somehow payed for everything, or because i went to that school and he gave quite a generous amount. haah. bastard. and then...then i'm here. the end. i assume it has to do with how everything i burn has religious significance...but i'm not sure.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
[/size][/font]"just don't be concerned if i start getting perverted or if i don't want to talk to you, because it's just the illusions and shit probably. and leaving would be nice, but it's a stretch, right? i thought so."
THE MASTERMIND BEHIND IT ALL.
[/size][/font]hey, my name is RACHEL.[/color] i have A MILLION.[/color] tracks spinning on my record. this is my SECOND[/color] character. i have been roleplaying for ALMOST FOUR YEARS[/color]. the password is SILICONE SALINE, POISON, INJECT ME.[/color].[/font][/size]
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and i never thought I'd use him as a pb >.> but lookit conor. kthnx.
