{m} * heartbreak warfare

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- when i wake up, the dream isn’t done ,.

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( STILL PAINTING FLOWERS FOR YOU )[/center]

shayna had learned her lesson in detention, and since then she had barely come within touching distance of conor what so ever. she no longer made attempts to hold his hand, and she didn’t even try cuddle with him because she wouldn’t let herself get close enough to him. ever. if she sat down next to him, she left a distance of a foot or two between them to make sure that she didn’t set him off again. her instinct to reach for his hand had faded within the past few weeks, and she no longer was clingy like conor might have been used to. if he had noticed her sudden change, she hoped that he would know why, because she wasn't going to fall into the awkwardness of explaining why she wasn't acting like herself. it wasn't like she had stopped loving him, because that was impossible. there was no way she couldn't not love conor. but she was trying hard to comply to his wishes. he didn't have to be burdened with her constant hand holding or feeble attempts at cuddling. the good thing was that he had accepted it, even if he didn't like it. he had at least learned how stubborn she was. but then she went and messed it up. as much as she would have liked to be close to him, she knew better than to invade his rather large sense of personal space. if she had known how badly he would have over reacted to her kissing him, she never would have done it. okay, well, she kind of knew how he was going to react, or she kind of estimated, but she had that false sense of shayna hope that made her believe that maybe, just maybe, he would have reacted like a normal teenage boy would have. but shayna's problem, was that sometimes she forgot that people in alkaline weren't exactly normal. hell, she wasn't normal, but at least she acted most like a teenage girl would have.

so basically, shayna was acting a hell of a lot more distant than she normally ever was. she wasn't acting bitchy, or snotty, or sad. the only word to describe her actions was, indeed, distant. she hung around him as much as she usually did, and she talked as much as she usually did (which tended to be quite a lot), but she didn't go near him often. she would walk along side, careful not to accidentally graze him or get too close; always leaving at least a foot between their bodies. most of the time, if they sat down somewhere, she sat across from him, instead of next to him. if she did sit down next to him, they didn't sit as close as lovers did. they sat about as close as friends would, and that was shayna's fault. but she didn't think that conor minded much. in fact, she was giving him exactly what he wanted. he should have been ecstatic. at least before the incident in the detention, she had put the effort into the affection. if people saw them, it at least looked like they had something between them. nowadays, the only thing that confirmed they were still together was how much time she spent with him. if people saw them, they couldn't have looked like anything more than friends. her entire focus was on keeping him happy, keeping him from exploding. she hated that this was how they were going to have to act until one of them left. she didn't want to spend whatever time they had left together like that. acting like friends. when in fact, they were so much more than that. conor knew it, and she knew it, yet he was the one who was so anti-everything. it drove her virtually insane.

it was late at night now, long past curfew and long past lights-out. the door from the basement to the stairs that led to the main floor had already been locked, yet if shayna wanted to go upstairs, she knew the route that other level fours had concocted in order to get where they wanted to go. as per usual, her door was unlocked and cracked open slightly. that was how shayna liked it, despite the danger that it may have held. sure, anyone could have come in. and that wasn't exactly fantastic, since level fours were notorious for being so dangerous and unpredictable. but when shayna locked her door, she felt like she was in a prison. even though she kind of was in a prison, she liked to do everything possible to keep herself from feeling like she was. that was why she had a stack of books under her bed (books stolen from the offices). her light was still on, and it casted a sliver of a ray out into the hallway. part of shayna's issue was that she hated to sleep, since when she woke up it was like everything she had built up to fight off the depression would instantly come back. sleepin came with nightmares and things like that, and that just was not okay. she would stay up as late as she possibly could for as many nights as she could, often pulling all nighers just to fight off the sleep. currently, she was sitting cross legged on her bed with a book in her hands, letting her eyes scan the pages left to right and turn occasionally. it was a book she had read many, many times, and it was a bored that she was getting rather sick of. yet, she didn't have anything else to do, and she was just as sick of all the other books that she had read.

part of shayna was tempted to sneak back upstairs and entertain herself with some more wandering around. perhaps she'd sneak into the kitchen for coffee, which would probably enable her to remain awake for the remainder of the night, however much was left of it. she had no idea what time it was, or how much of the night was left. maybe she should have tried to sneak back into the office, and get herself a new book. she could have gotten one that she hadn't read before. some of the offices contained medical books, and the one's that she could understand tended to be kind of interesting. ugh. she didn't know. she didn't have much of anything to do, and the book was already beginning to seem tedious and repetitive. she wasn't exactly retaining the words on the pages, as her mind had begun to wander off to the subject of conor. she wondered if he was asleep, if he was awake, if he was dreaming. he wasn't dreaming about her, she could figure that much out. she didn't know if he had nightmares. he didn't seem like the kind of boy who had nightmares, but who was she to make that assumption? he just seemed..too tough for nightmares. nightmares his vulnerable people, like her. but she had no idea. he'd been acting different lately, and she was curious about it. she had no idea what to think about his changes, but she was suspicious. she couldn't pin point exactly what was up with him, she couldn't figure out what was different, but she knew something was. she didn't know why, either. it wasn't like conor to change. he was too stubborn and too set in his own conor-like ways to change in any way, shape, or form.

tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1507. notes SEXYTEIMZ WHUT. I PUT THE M IN THE TITLE AND ERRTHANG. THE PART THAT SHE SAID ABOUT HIM ACTING DIFFERENTLY IS JUST HER OBSERVING HIM ON THE NEWS MEDS BUT SHE DOESNT KNOW WHATS UP YET. AND IM SORRY ITS SHORT, ITS LATE. BUT I FOUND MY MUSE XDDcredit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

she was just another

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CONQUEST, DIDN'T CARE WHOSE HEART WAS BROKE
LOVE TO HIM WAS JUST A JOKE .[/size]

conor was not someone who took things lightly. things in general, yes. he overreacted quite a bit and didn't like anyone else doing it, he didn't like people giving contact. especially toward him. in essence, conor didn't want you near him. and if you were...he wasn't too sure. he was thinking the possibility of him blowing up was very high. it had happened, too. with shayna. in that damned detention cell, he just did his self destruct sequence all over again. and he hated making that mistake around her. he was supposed to actually look as if he loved her, not say he loved her—very rarely at that—and do nothing with that...well, privelige. loving shayna was a privelige, and this was one you had to be very careful with. and you didn't earn it easily. she was too fragile. mentally and otherwise, you couldn't even just slightly get a little upset. a little upset because someone should know when a anger-ridden boy like conor asks, well scratch that, demands that you do not give contact, and you fucking kiss him? who the hell would do that. oh, wait. shayna would. he forgot. sometimes her risky manuevers were really annoying and exasperating. he honestly just wished she would listen and maybe even—a stretch here—abide by his far fetched hopes and not do it mopily. she walked around depressed because he asked and she ignored. she was depressed enough without it, apparently, but hey, the employees here were probably on some serious fucking crack, and they knew nothing. after they called conor insane...that was when he deemed them insane themselves. yeah. but whatever, if she was depressed she was. and she had no problem milking it until he started internally sulking over her dramatic show of the loveless relationship she was in. oh, yes. shayna, in an asylum, definetly got the worst of the lot with conor. he was just horrible. some people found this true. but he was stubborn and had a big ego to match, he wasn't going to pretend that he had self issues. as in, he didn't like how he dealt with things. it was normal for him. he wouldn't say otherwise. the only excuse he ever had was that it wasn't his fault. he was naturally a bastard, and he couldn't be held responsible for her rather deep running emotions. and if what he said was not nice. then whatever. you deal. it was conor. you basically sign a freaking waiver before you agree to fall into some serious love with him. she sure was quick to draw though, he'd give her that one. and sometimes that was good. but when she was bitch? never. like in detention, again. he got upset, he would admit it. but she just sat in a corner and almost cried. and she wouldn't admit it, either. even he was higher than that...tsk tsk. this was one thing he honestly couldn't stand about her. they were both too stubborn for anyone's own good. but she wouldn't even admit when he probably scared her shitless. just say it. she never did. at least if he could know, it'd help. then he could try to avoid the mess of crap he got himself into.   

that being said, of all things to complain about, contact really wasn't the best. conor didn't care if she was too much of a stubborn bitch to get past her self-image of toughness and all of that shit. he didn't. and he especially didn't if it involved lesser amounts of contact even. if she wanted to be tough, in the right situation, go ahead. but now? it wasn't going to work. he wasn't going to blame her for being upset, but in typical shayna fashion she of course acted like he stabbed her. which he dreamed of, to be honest, but never did. she should thank him. it was a surprise to most people, the couple thing. the people that figured it out were really good with relationships, that or it took a few guesses. it was mostly along the lines of, "do you guys hate eachother?" or maybe, "your love has problems," or something, and of course the marriage comments. now, conor never really knew marriage in all of its glory. but he assumed this was bad, and from what little he had experienced, it was shit. their relationship had serious potential for good. but also serious potential for shit. that was how it went. he couldn't blame people either, for their observations. and he had no idea when the idea came to him to pick up this phillosiphy, but he assumed it was some time during his days with shayna. they were still there, just...she was on edge and he knew it, and he fucked things up and he deserved to go die in a hole. or have some revelation. perhaps one that would make him interested in becoming a good person and, gasp, someone that satisfied shayna. because whatever made her happy made everyone happy. eyeroll. the only reason it made him happy was because she would shut up for a mere moment of her lifetime. the way he spoke of their love and hapiness was somewhat sad and not a good sign, he'd admit. but inside, he did have some emotion (whether it was love was still in question) for her. because she was...she was? yeah. there was no word, or words for shayna. and no one else knew that. sometimes he found himself to be some type of huge secret holder. like knowing what type of person shayna was could ever be considered an epic secret. well. if you had fangirly passion for her, then maybe. but that was her problem. she could gush to the tweenies all she wanted about herself. and then they would see how she had a big head and wouldn't admit it. but conor could too, oh yes. he should. and tell them that dealing with her was hell but he loved her and that was why he was insane. that was why...who knew? that was the reason, it always had been. sure. haah.

and he wouldn't really have been considering the thought of her if he wasn't so damn bored. ugh. she was an easy thing to think about. but you often went off on a rather large tangent while doing so, and it gave a inexplicably bored person something to 'do', per say. and conor, well he had noting better to do at the time. aside from dwell on himself, which he could gladly pass on. yes, there was the gameboy of life that shayna happened to oh-so-artfully land herself in detention snagging for him. but right now conor was a bit screwed. he needed the internet. he had no idea how to beat the elite four. with almost level sixty pokemon at that. yeah. it was hard to understand. he did, though, have the possibility of finding a way to serruptitiously sneak himself to shayna. or her room. he should. it would be something to do, and he would have more than thoughts. he'd have her greatness before him, ah yes. but maybe...that may not be the greatest idea. conor always seemed to make her life somewhat hell-ish during their time together, but it could be worse. a fact of his life here so far was that, quite simply, he didn't listen to anyone. he never did. he was a free person and always would be. no one got that, and this was why people tried to call that insanity. haha. what he did here half the time was really nothing anyway. if you told people to fuck themselves, just deal with it. if you gave the finger it was a normal thing. again, no one else understood. hence these were enforced as bad things. you'd wish. he could make the word fuck much more forceful than that. BUT WAIT. not like that, holy shit... anyway. things had been going differently as of late. another fact was that he never changed. never. that's why his journies here were pointless—but that's beside the point. it had always been that way. he hadn't changed for shayna, no matter how much she begged, or pleaded, or cried, or got on her knees, or prayed, or threatened to send him to canada. yes, canada. cue the disbelief. but he hadn't done such a stupid thing. he was stubborn. he wasn't fickle. so he remained conor. the bastard that you loved because you really had no choice. for some people. and another fact? there were some pretty inevitable things that you had to take or work your way around. saying they were inevitable was somewhat of an oxymoron, because conor found his ways. he found his ways to throw pills out the window. and somehow at people. for real. whatever made them dissapear was what was best. and it worked for him. on the other hand, because of this stubborn slash never change outlook on things, he didn't help the cause by seeming any better off, which is apparently what meds did, and he assumed that's how they found the way. THEY found the almighty way. that was also known as putting them somewhere, or figuring out what he did with them. shame he didn't had explosives, they would be in smithereens every time. nice. in simpler terms, they must have known and outfoxed the...fox. he was honestly a fox and that wasn't because he had a big ego. or kind of big. and he liked to assume this was why he had somehow mellowed out in life, a deep regret at the moment. but there were things he could pass on. and we may skip those, for now. but you know. maybe she wouldn't notice. let's hope to god...

and maybe a bit of over confidence was some sick side effect of whatever he was dealing with, but it was not helping when some horrible idea of going to see shayna popped up. dammit. he was kind of past the thought, all he was caring about then was whether or not he would be staring at the wall any longer. no. no he wouldn't, it was fucking boring and that's not how he uh...rolled. but it was late. later, maybe. and as usual there he was, still doing nothing, surprise there. he was imagining that shayna would be horribly crushed by seeing him, not dreaming some lovely, fanciful, cliched dream of shayna-ness about her. this wasn't the conor way. her ways never were. she wanted them to be, no doubt. good luck there. it was a good idea in most regards, but you know. he was never too sure if she was in her mood. her mood. as in the vapid, shallow, annoying one. who sounded like she thought everything she said was correct and he was wrong. this didn't add up well. they were both terrifyingly stubborn, and he didn't like to lose, be wrong, etcera. on to the subject at hand, like said earlier, it was later. not late, later. and he luckily lived in somewhat close proximity to shayna and her area of the basement. a basement. he was a fucking lucky person. this was a statement he tried to fool himself into believing most days. too bad he was far from it. so it was kind of easy to make your way wherever you, for some strange reason, really needed to be. this wasn't too say he didn have a james bond side. oh, conor. sure. maybe. never. so it was really just a two second manuever toward where shayna was, and a moment of wishing that no one had somehow noticed whatever the hell he just did. that and hoping that this wasn't the correct direction and he was going to completely kill himself by running into some truly crazy ass person. he wasn't. or, not truly. sometimes, as of now—this could remain in question, though. but alas, maybe it was the correct way. and lucky for him she had her door cracked. oh, damn. he should have done that. then, she could have had an idea for once and possibly would have come to him. but that wasn't her job. apparently, he was supposed to be the one to handle everything in this great relationship they shared. he didn't really remember the last time she tried to erase how many times she had fucked up, or brought up the various subjects that carried the tension wherever they were. no, that was conor. he was far more important than she had thought. shayna just didn't know it yet. silly. that's why he was pretty taken aback (and annoyed per usual) when she was the one who tried to have a lovey momet with kissing. she didn't seem to be the phsyical sort, or not in his mind. not that he would be alone in this assumption. but anyway, he was currently outside her door, musing over the thoughts of running off, opening it anymore, standing there forever, or calmy walking off. jesus christ, screw doors. they were overrated. so was privacy. then again, had someone said this to conor said person may be missing a limb. he never proclaimed himself to be good at treated others as you'd like to be treated, blah blah. another winning quality. with this thought in mind, he cracked open the door, standing somewhat mortified, before pulling his shit together finally. good one. really. "HI." that was it. hi. "and yeah. i know it's late and shit, but i'm bored. and you were here. and what are you reading? are you tired? i'm not. yep. you know you're kind of-" oh fuck. screw whatever the hell meds were. it kind of sounded like some ten year old on crack. and what he was about to say was not making its way out. oh no. in his mind it was going to end with "really sexy right now, and i kind of don't want to go there" but yeah. oh god. that was new. and he didn't appreciate it. maybe it was his actual thought. that was even worse. that was bad. it was a bad sign. hmm. well. whatever happened, happened.            

TAG, the sexy shayna. ohyes. LYRICS, conquest by the white stripes WORDS[ 2412 WOW IM NOT SURPRISED >.<NOTE, CONNNNQUESTTT. lawl. yep. i got off my indie fest and used the white stripes nao. omfg, that's deep rachel XD and they're kind sentimental whut. butttt the song isn't really. maybe XP YEAH SO ANYWAY, HERE IT IS, I HAVE NO IDEA WHUT ITS ABOUT, BUT ITS JUST KIND OF GETTING THERE AND I SHOVED SOME USELESS SHIT IN AT THE LAST SECOND. BEAR WITH ME. is it bear or bare? bear seems right. cause like, "to bear?" yeah. i dunno. and imma fix the template more cause i hate it. it's a fast one. i could find one offline but you know it's something to do XD BWHAHA YEAHH THE ENDDD :33 CREDIT, image credit to IWILLINSERTNAMEHEREWHENIGETIT XD @caution 2.0, template by meeee. yeah.

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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- when i wake up, the dream isn’t done ,.

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( STILL PAINTING FLOWERS FOR YOU )[/center]

the book shayna was reading was starting to make her head hurt. the first time she had read it, it had meant absolutely nothing to her, seeing as it focused around human psychology and various medical disabilities. she couldn't pronounce half the terms in the book, let alone understand what was actually going on. however, after reading it a few more times, she began to pick up on things and understood everything a little bit better. yet, it didn't seem to get any more interesting as she read it over and over again, along with the other tedious books that she had stolen from the office. the selection in the asylum royally sucked. it was just some medical book, and she would have much rather enjoyed something with substance, like a novel, or at least a biography. but no, she had to grab something that didn't mean anything. as she turned the pages, her eyes moved along the words but she didn't retain anything that entered her head. she chose not to soak in the words and she hardly even glanced at any diagrams or pictures. sitting and staring at the walls would have been just about as entertaining. but hey, it wasn't like she had anything better to do. running upstairs and stealing more appealing books was a tempting thought, but she decided not to risk it just yet. sure, shayna had developed those impressive stealing skills, but she wasn't sure she had gotten up to the level of stealing personal objects that belonged to staff members. the only nicholas sparks novels she would be finding would be the ones locked in specific drawers or cabinets, when they belonged to certain crew members. getting at those would be difficult. it was almost ironic how shayna had picked up on thievery at the asylum, and how the innocent little face knew how to commit at least one crime. she couldn't hurt a fly, and she couldn't yell at anyone (except conor, really), yet if she got her hands on something she wanted, she would make it hers. but shayna's sticky fingers and semi-cunning habits meant nothing when she was bored out of her mind.

to say that shayna was taken aback by conor's sudden entry was most definitely a huge understatement, especially since she had been so out of it that she hadn't heard him approaching. to say the least, she nearly jumped out of her own skin when she heard the door being pushed open but before she recognized the face in front of her. it only took all of a hundredth of a second to realize that conor was standing there, and not some psychotic killer. not to say that conor wasn't violent, because he was, but she trusted him, and she knew that he wouldn't hurt her. however, that was another conversation entirely. so yes, shayna, in the process of being taken aback by conor's sudden entrance, had no down time to be relaxed as she was immediately taken aback once more by his attitude. she didn't know how to describe him, but something was not right. he didn't come in with that doom and gloom conor aura that usually floated around him. he was hyper, to say that least, and more enthusiastic than she had ever seen him before unless it involved a knife, let alone herself. she had never seen him change subjects so quickly. and to be honest, this wasn't the conor she knew. it was funny how it took her all of a second to realize that something was definitely off about him. but then again, he was conor. he was standing there, right in front of her, seemingly fine. she proceeded to convince herself that he was just in a really rare good mood, that she had never seen before. however, she had yet to give herself time to enjoy it as she was still muffled by confusion. "hi, conor," she was finding it rather hard to keep from smiling like an idiot. but whenever conor was in a good mood, it kind of put her in a good mood, too. not to mention that she didn't have to worry about that boredom factor anymore. "are you okay? you seem kind of...energetic. considering it's late and everything."

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she didn't know what to make of everything that was happening, but she was trying to figure things out in a very short amount of time. in that matter of seconds, she decided not to make anything of the situation. she chose to wait and see what was going to happen, and continue to rot in her own confusion. it was safer that way, right? no assumptions, no judgements. she was probably just going more insane than she already was. sure, she had never seen conor like this, but she was making these judgements in a matter of seeing him for two seconds. he had walked in seeming almost as startled as she had been, but he gained his composure, which worked just fine for her. thinkin about it, she felt like she had seen him in an alright mood. there were always those rare moments. for some reason though, it felt off. it felt different. she couldn't place it, and she wasn't going to. she couldn't say that she didn't like what she was seeing so far, because he hadn't run into her room yelling at her for something she had done in the past. as long as conor wasn't mad at her, she was happy. in that moment, he didn't seem pissed at her. he didn't even seem like he was about to launch into some rant about how they weren't going to last and their relationship had no future. blah blah. it wasn't like shayna even paid attention to him when he talked about things like that. it was easy to say that she was in terrible denial of reality. she refused to believe that eventually, they were going to be split apart, even though he was so right about everything he said. she did not want to think about having to leave him, or him leaving her. she didn't even care about life outside the asylum anymore.

and then that curiousity in shayna kicked in. it was the same curiousity that, quote unquote, killed the cat. or the shayna, in this case. basically, it seriously messed with her head, and often landed her in times of trouble that just weren't okay. it was the curiousity that had provoked her to grab his hand on that fateful first day together, and then it was the same curiousity that had led her to kiss him a while ago in the detention cell. it always landed her new consequences. on the first day, she had won herself conor, and that wasn't so bad. it wasn't bad at all. the second time, however, it had gotten her a lashing that she just hadn't been strong enough to handle. hell, it had nearly crippled her into permenantly avoiding contact with him. her continueous distance from him wasn't so hard for her anymore, seeing as she was motivated by the desire to not be yelled at ever again. she hated listening to conor repremand her, and it wasn't something she wanted to trigger. therefore, she kept her distance safely. but the curiousity wasn't as strong right now, because all she really wanted to know was why the hell he was in her room now, and what the hell he stopped himself from saying. you couldn't just stop midsentence in front of shayna, because that lost tidbit of information would eat up at her until she knew what it was. pathetic, extremely. "wait, what were you gonna say?"[/color] she asked innocently, as per usual. her voice didn't hint towards anything but innocent curiousity, and a small little wonder to know. involuntarily, she closed her book and placed it aside, not even bothering to mention what it was, seeing as the fact was irrelevent and conor probably didn't even really care. he wasn't acting like himself, and that almost scared her a little bit. it wasn't like him to barge into her room in the middle of the night. "what...uhm. brings you in here? not that i'm saying i mind, because i don't mind at all. i'm just not used to it, so..."[/color] being self concious and fluttery around conor was something that shayna grew out of quickly, but for some reason, that feeling was back now. she was nervous, but in a good way. it was almost the same feeling that had been there just before she kissed him.
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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1439. notes OKAY THIS IS WAY SHORT AND YOUR POST EATS MINE BUT ITS LATE AND I SHOULD PROLLY START PACKING BUT ONCE WE'RE INTO THE SEXYTIEMZ MORE, AS BAD AS THAT SOUNDS, I SHALL ATTEMPT TO BEAT YOUR POSTS AGAIN MWUAHAH. XDcredit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

she was just another

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CONQUEST, DISNT CARE WHOSE HEART WAS BROKE LOVE TO HIM WAS JUST A JOKE .[/size]

the real issue conor was currently having could probably be the fact that he wasn't conor. or maybe that he wasn't conor, and on top of that, he didn't even know why. he definetly did not decide to act like an idiot today. no way in fucking hell. that wasn't him. he preferred to pretend as if the world was to explode, and we were getting closer to it every day. in simpler terms, he enjoyed being gloomy and ruining every dream a person like dear shayna ever had. of their relationship or otherwise. like in detention, yep. he brought up that she would be gone long before him, and they'd be split. of course. that was his. basically, wrongdoing, and it was stupid, but that was how he seemed to look at everything. nothing was really half full. he liked to think it was half empty. half bone dry. being optimistic wasn't his job here. that was why shayna and him were the whole definition of opposites attract, right? something like that. and maybe he did want to have a positive outlook on things. and maybe that's why he was still even talking to her, being with her, that type of thing. he couldn't really define it for sure, but he had ideas. he was just angry. she was happy. and depressed. which he didn't like to believe, and he honestly wanted to just show everyone that hey, shayna was a happy person, and blah blah blah, but of course at risk of her being set free and himself being here? alone? never. and something like that was not really self centered, as far as he knew, by now they had both established that the feeling of, well, love, was pretty damn mutual and he didn't think fighting it was going to work any longer. and it was this scarily happy, agreeable, not conor-like thought that gave him a shiver. that was wrong. in the real world, as in, you don't suspect evil, somewhat smart employees behind your now naive personality issue, it was not correct. conor did not agree. especially with shayna at that. the majority of their discussions where some creative ones, and no one ever agreed with the other. they kind of just went in a circle. which he regretted, in the real world and otherwise, but he assumed in his stupidly happy state that was his fault anyway so he shouldn't be blaming shayna. idiot. he had been reduced to an idiot, and that is precisely why he didn't follow rules over his dead body. and he was not close to that yet, thank you. had he, shayna would have found him too stupid to love from the beginning and this wouldn't even be happening. which would mean he wouldn't be scrambling to find the problem and fix it soon, because he didn't want to act stupid around her, quite frankly. whether this descision was because of whatever type of stupidhead disease he had acquired or not...that wasn't too easy. please be the stupidhead. that'd be easier to deal with afterward. at least he could blame everything that happened today on the...condition of his...mind. uh, yeah. okay. well, his mind with stupidhead meds. or so he liked to assume. this was not his fucking idea. if it was his idea he was pretty sure that he would have shot himself beforehand. then, and only then, would this be remotely realistic or possible. 

and there was no doubt she would be surprised. he was screwed up at the moment. for real, for once. he wasn't shocked at all. he was still trying to comprehend what was even being said, which came before the figuring-out-what-was-up thing. if he had no idea why he suddenly became some dumbstruck, naive, hyper, ten year old, then how would he even explain it to her? he honestly had no idea if it was some type of pill thing or what. so it wasn't even that simple, holy shit. he had no idea. not now, at least. and for some reason, no surprise here—unbeknownst to him, what she said about his energy at this rather late hour was somewhat borderline hurtful. oh. no. what. he was totally having some pms moment which he would not let continue...thank you very much. that was her job, shayna was supposed to carry all the emotional weight of this relationship. not him. and it would remain this way, so help him. he would not let this...minor effect of things that were his problem get in the way. especially of his emotional side. because this was not how it would be. she was just lucky he was bored. damn. "did you...not want me to be excited? does it look like something is wrong?" he said with a touch of sadness. oh, god. this was ridiculous. that's all it was. and he had no idea how the hell he would take his own advice—and deal with it. "it's late? what? it's nine or something earlier, right? that's not late. there is no late. sleep is overrated. and you were here and how can you not be excited when it's...well, you. hehe. a lot of people are excited by you. you're exciting. sometimes you're bitchy, but you know. we have our days. and i guess i've been just too much of a bastard to respect that. i shouldn't be like that. that's just mean. and i am not really mean. still, what were you reading? you ask me questions and i ask you. you never asnwered. i'm paying attention shayna. i always pay attention to you. are you bored? you look kind of bored. i didn't want to bore you, so...i'm sorry." he trailed off. what was this. this was bad. that's kind of all there was to say on the matter. he was more shocked that she didn't ask if he had too much of some type of drug today. because it would have fooled him. had he not been so keen, of course that may have been what he thought. but considering he was the one who looked like an idiot, not her, and he was the one who was resisting the urge to slam his head against the wall, he found that this was much more worse off for him. sigh. conor could pay to figure out what she was thinking though. to be honest. she was probably confused. he was. and this was his issue. a rather apparent one at that. she had seen him as the normal conor of course. and had often been the one who got caught in the midst of a very normal, and not so rare, conor rant. he didn't know if she thought he was trying to be nice or what, but of she knew anything about him, he liked to believe that she could tell something was up. or wrog, for that matter. definetly more wrong. he was a naturally gloomy person, who tried to act like everyone was going to die and his life sucked. maybe not the last bit. or maybe it was just called being angry. maybe it was called enjoying poking fun at naive, stupid people, much like himself currently. or maybe it was because he just wasn't satisfied with his life. which was still like the whole hating life lecture, but that was another conversation entirely. he was confused. that was all he could think of, and he definetly knew she was thinking the same thing. whoever came up with this diabolical plot. they would be slaughtered. and it wouldn't be the quick and painless way. it would be the, "this is going to fucking hurt and i hope it does" way. conor didn't think that even exsisted, but in this case it did. oh yes. that dude was screwed, end of. because he got himself a place on the bad list, and much like the name implies, it was a bad place to have your name inscribed. as far as he knew, that was. right now wasn't the best time to plan something like that, not when he had the brain mass of a peanut. or a small item. very small.       

to be honest, a part of conor—a small part, mind you—didn't really mind this whole happy thing. he didn't like the idiot ramblings and questions and all that stuff, but not bringing up how shayna was fine and they would see that and she would be able to leave...that would be nice. he talked about it yesterday with her. it was stupid. it would be a bit later at least, but who knew what could happen within that timeframe, as saddening as it would be. he seriously, and he would be getting pessimistic again here, had his doubts as to if  and when shayna was out along with conor, if anyone would remember anyone, if they would even run into eachother? see eachother even? she was apparently a famous person, although he hadn't really heard too much on the matter. being in a love with a crazy was not good. this was a universal thought. especially for the likes of someone so emotionally delicate like shayna. of course. that was obvious. and he wasn't going to assume she worked with very nice people. nice people wouldn't send you here. hell, conor did not fucking live with fucking nice people. not as far as he knew. and he didn't see this changing, either. if he got out and shayna wasn't even there, this was what would be waiting for him though, oh joy. really. there was nothing more fun than probably entering college late and being a normal person. shudder. normal was a foreign thing for him at this point in life. or at least a loose one. because you weren't normal whe. you would normally never fall in love with shayna. but you did. and that was wrong. it was more like tripping into love, actually. hmm. it was not intended but it happened. good one. sometimes he regretted this trip. moreso than not, that was. like right now, when shayna wanted him to continue his sentence. he was really happy then. of course that was sarcastic. he should have known by now that you could never, ever, stop mid sentence with her. she always asked what you were going to say. and she shouldn't. in front of her, he gave the courtesy others rarely got. and why she didn't respect that...he would never be able to grasp, exactly. 

what he was going to say was another stupidly spontaneous thought which he was planning to never say, for plenty of reasons. one was probably because she was not sexy. at all. and he didn't deserve to go through that. two would be most likely because she needed to learn to stop the "what was that?" comments. she was such a good...briber. she could make you say yes. and he hated it. damn her skills like that. why. why did he have her. better yet, why'd he live through all of this? why hadn't he blown up and not apologized for once? oh. because she gave the puppy face. and she threatened to cry. much too often for his taste. he would kill her someday if she continued this. and sometimes he wasn't too sure if that was just overreacting intentionally or what. "I WAS GOING TO SAY, THAT SHAYNA YOU LOOK PRETTY SEXY, I WON'T LIE." ...holy shit. holy. fuck. oh my god. and to think conor was convinced this day would never come. and that was why he was threatened to leave the room. or tempted. ugh. "fuck." that was all he had. right now. something else exciting was basically bound to come out soon. but you know, if he put thought into it, he was honestly fooling himself or something. because shayna was seriously sexy sometimes. like in one of those unintentional ways? he thought so. he just wouldn't admit it. he never wanted to. but apparently today wasn't that day. "i mean it's true—" he stopped. stopping was pointless and his mind wasn't functioning, so that wasn't working out. "true. it's true. because i mean really. i have no idea why the fuck i haven't said that already, i just never noticed i guess." he was in awe of her now. just wait. some day, in the future. she would be able to tell all her tweenie fans about how, one day, some derranged boy decided to be in admiration of shayna instead of hating her. that would just be lovely. that would also be the day he finally felt the need to wring her neck. even though he was considering this for himself right now. he would not be able to live with this moment. "oh, if i was being stupid by coming here, i didn't mean it. i can go, if you want. i don't need to sacrifice your time for my sake, i guess." he started making his statements a bit more quiet. he at least hope she could realize this was not normal. "well, the only reason you're not used to it is because i wasn't being really nice, you know? because like i said, you are sexy, so i shouldn't be so...mean, even though it's kind of a job, right." this was becoming tiring. the only problem was he wasn't even tired. oh, fun. this would be fun.

TAG, the sexy shayna. ohyes. LYRICS, conquest by the white stripes WORDS[ 2323NOTE, OMFG LOOKIT. LESS WORDS THAN YOU THOUGHT RITEEE. so yep, the second paragraph has too much dialogue ohh my god XD HES JUST CRAZYYY RITE NAO. so. but seeeee he's just like yer sexy. WTF. I'm so confused. okay. yeah >DCREDIT, image credit to IWILLINSERTNAMEHEREWHENIGETIT XD @caution 2.0, template by meeee. yeah.

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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- when i wake up, the dream isn’t done ,.

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( STILL PAINTING FLOWERS FOR YOU )[/center]

over the course of a few years, shayna had considered the kind of girl she wanted to be. most of these years were her early high school days, when she had to make the decision of whether or not she wanted to be the girl who did what she was told, the girl who did what she wanted, or the girl who did what was expected of her. in a way, she was a little bit of each. she had done what she wanted in pursuing her music career, but as her career grew more and more successful, people had high expectations, and she had no choice but to meet those standards. if she didn't, everything she had built up for meant nothing. high school had been a miserable experience for her, as she spent more time developing her career instead of making friends and going to high school dances. but in those few years, she had decided that she would rather be a fool than a wise girl. it was just a shame that she certainly wasn't as much of a fool as she wanted to be. she would have gladly been the naive girl who couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong. that kind of foolishness would allow her to do everything as she pleased without caring about the consequences. instead, she was the girl who walked around likes she was walking on flames. she never wanted to upset anyone else. it seemed that the only person the could tolerate upsetting was conor, and that was simply because she was used to it by now. if anything, it was more because she was comfortable around him. however, she still desired to be the foolish girl who just lived as much as she could, without worry about what tomorrow would bring. on the contrary, shayna had spent many nights thinking about the next morning. she had spent her high school days thinking about her career. she even spent her nights now, wondering when the day would come that they were going to pull her away. sleepless nights consistently led her into wondering if they were going to warn her, or if they were just going to take her. it was a nervous though, and this was what made her want to be somewhat idiotic. if she was, then it wouldn't matter when she was leaving. she would simply enjoy everything while she had it. that's what she was trying to do, but that voice was always there, warning her that she never knew when they were going to take her away.

shayna was still utterly confused as to what had gotten into conor. her first suspicion was that he had found some kind of in with the patients who dealt out random drugs, and he was now proceeding to get high with them. honestly, she didn't know what to think, but that didn't seem like a conor thing to do. first of all, he didn't get along with people, and he didn't seem like the kind of boy who was willing to negotiate deals over stolen medications. and then there was the fact that conor had never mentioned anything along those lines. that pretty much narrowed out the whole drug thing for her, unless of course the doctors had put him in something new. even still, she knew that conor rejected any medication they slipped his way. it hadn't even crossed her mind that maybe they had found a way to get his medication into him without his knowledge. maybe he was just attempting to be nicer. that was even less of a conor-like thing to do than take drugs, but a girl could hope, right? if conor was suddenly decided to treat her nicely, than she wasn't about to complain about it. like stated earlier, she was going to see where this all went. she was going to see how long this attitude even lasted. she was suspicious and carefully observant, but had no idea where to even begin with what to suspect. obviously, something was not right. she knew that much. anyone who knew conor at all could see that. she was glad that he wasn't yelling at her for once, but she was used to that. as sick as is seemed, she was comfortable in his poor treatment. this conor made her slightly uneasy simply because he wasn't her conor. "no, no, no,"

[/color] she laughed slightly, and almost a little nervously, "i want you to be excited if you want to be excited. i'm just not used to it, is all."[/color] she listened to the continuation of his ramble, not sure what to make of it, exactly. she decided to handle it as casually as possible. "it's pretty much the middle of the night. later than nine, i think. i don't know. i'm just guessing. it's after curfew, which means you're screwed if you get caught in here."[/color] but shayna didn't want him to leave. even if he was acting funny, and even if they were going to get in trouble, she didn't care. they often put themselves into situations where they could get into serious trouble together. but oh well. "will you close the door and lock it? so no one sees you. i'm not bored, i promise. just.. come here,"[/color] instinctively, she patted the spot on the bed next to her. of course, this meant getting within reaching distance of him again, but she figured that he wasn't in the kind of mood to tear her apart for closeness. if you could call sitting with a foot or two of space between them closeness. she wasn't speaking in an orderly or demanding tone. she merely requesting, in that soft shayna way of hers. she chose not to address the rest of his rant. it didn't sound natural. mostly because she was offended over the fact that he thought she was bitchy (even though it was totally true), and then she didn't believe that he always paid attention to her. she automatically assumed that if anything, he was trying his hardest to ignore the hell out of her.

she honestly wasn't expecting his sentence to finish with that kind of statement. she would have expected, "shayna, you're kind of annoying." or, "shayna, you're kind of.." insert any other insult. that's what she envisioned coming out of his mouth. not sexy. no, that was certainly not something she had ever imagined conor saying about her in a million years. he never complimented her. ever. jumping from consistant insults to 'sexy' was a bit of a stretch, and farfetched. it just, it was not a statement that sounded right coming out of his mouth. yet despite this fact, she blushed anyway. and she didn't have the darkness or anything to hide her reaction. she simply turned her head away, looking down at the bed for a moment before glancing back up at him. did he have to say it so loudly? who knew who had just heard that. coming out of conor's mouth. it wasn't like it was embarrassing. i mean, it was a nice compliment to be given. shayna just wasn't used to it. especially from conor. "well, uhm,. thank you. for that."[/color] she did her best to sound sincere, but her confusion was still messing with her mind. she didn't even understand why he would have chosen that word for her. she didn't do anything to be sexy on purpose, and she never thought of herself in that description, anyway. there was just something that she wasn't seeing, then. there she was, sitting on her bed in little white cotton shorts and a plain tshirt. there was nothing extravagant about that. her long, thin legs were folded up beneath her, barely even exposed. and the blonde hair on her head was falling around her shoulders in curls in the same fashion he saw every day that he knew her. there was nothing radiant, flashy, or extreme about her appearance. she didn't think she would have used the word sexy to describe her in that moment. she continued to lose herself further in the confusion, trying to figure out how conor's brain was functioning in that moment. the more he continued to speak, the more she realized that he was so off it was ridiculous. things were coming from his mouth that never, in a million years, would she imagine him saying. it wasn't right. it was confusing. but still, she didn't want him to leave her. "no, stay. you're not wasting my time. i like having you here with me. i like having alone time with you. don't go, okay?"[/color] her voice seemed slightly pleading, because she knew that the real conor would have loved to toy with her and have her beg for him to stay. she didn't know what he was going to do now. and then there was that whole, fear of being alone thing, that shayna dealt with. conor had pretty much gotten rid of that fear since she met him because she spent most of her time with him anyway. except at night. but now, here he was, in all his glory.

in the course of a few minutes, she managed to convince herself that he was simply attempting to be nicer. of couse, she still suspected something with medication or drugs, but she wasn't going to ask about it again. she knew better than that. she had always known that conor had a good heart, beneath that lovely little gloomy atmosphere that he carried around so proudly. hell, it wasn't like she hated it. he'd managed to charm her into love with it, right? she still didn't know how he had done it, but he had taken that gloom and doom attitude, and that spitefulness towards the world, and he had turned it into something that made her want to be with him. it still felt impossible to describe. he was negative and bitter, but it enthralled her. and she practically lived for those little moments where maybe he'd crack a smile, or he'd actually let her cuddle with him. they weren't necessarily mutually enjoyed, but she loved them. "you're pretty sexy too, then."[/color] it was a terribly feeble attempt at returning the compliment, mostly because the words felt awkward coming out of her mouth. they flowed though, because she made them. if shayna wanted to sound solid, she did. it was a nice talent of being a singer. even if she was taken aback, she could make her voice sound confident. so that's what she did. kind of. conor had always been perceptive, and she didn't know if he was going to see right through her confidence or not. despite her decision in that he was trying to be nicer, she was still nervous. then again, conor always made her nervous. but in a good way. whenever they were alone she got nervous, and she didn't know why. it was just like that.

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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1834. notes LOOK AT ME, RACKING UP THE BIG WORD COUNT HERE KIND OF. YOURS ARE STILL MORE, BUT LOOK! XD XD XD FACE SPAM. I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON IN THIS POST. ITS JUST SHAYNA'S CONFUSION AND MY ATTEMPT TO LEAD UP TO DA SEXYTIEMZ. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

she was just another

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CONQUEST, DIDN'T CARE WHOSE HEART WAS BROKE 
LOVE TO HIM WAS JUST A JOKE .[/size]

it wasn't conor's job to be a nice person. it wasn't his dream, his aspiration, his goal, or a want, he just didn't feel the need. at all. and for most of his life, or so far in it, such an outlook slash attitude on things didn't really seem to piss off an absurd amount of people. maybe that was because quite a few of said people did not care, either. or maybe it was because these people were not the type who wanted to deal with it. how he knew this, that could easily be asnwered by simply saying "here." if you didn't have any idea what to do, you gave up (or those people did) or just put someone here. or whatever fit the situation. if you couldn't take care of someone, you got another person to do it. hell, if you couldn't do your freaking math homework, you got someone to get you the answers. or copied them. people were just lazy. not to say it wasn't nice every now and then. but they were. and that was the moral of conor and his life. you could maybe say he was kind of jaded, cynical even because of that. he wouldn't lie and say otherwise. people had proven to be worth shit to him, and shayna was honestly the first genuine person. who stuck with him. she wasn't lazy. well sometimes. but you know. he, on the other hand, was not being lazy by just resigning to the fact that he was not the nice kid. he wasn't, true. you had to know this, even shayna could accept it. conor sure as fuck had no problem taking it either. no, there was a better reason to his terminal anger. it was because he did quite enjoy this. he liked to give people a hard time. annoy them, for a less sophisticated term. he liked that people didn't annoy him, because of said reason. it was somewhat nice. and he had no intention whatsoever of changing this. mindset or otherwise. he was a stone. there was no moving him. there was no enforcing things upon him. and he enjoyed this, very much so. and this was precisely why he was never in the mood to listen to anyone's feeble attempts at trying to convince him that maybe being a nice person was good. it wasn't. he enjoyed this just fine. and plus, the whole aversion to people—or, moreoever, people with higher importance than you—it didn't add up well. hence he always ignored them. hence, he didn't have this issue with being loopy before. but now he did. and he was regretting it. a lot. maybe because he sounded like an idiot. maybe because he could totally tell shayna was confused. or the best one, because he was acting nice. cue the shivers. not to mention he was being loud. nicely loud. and if she ever brought this up again? things wouldn't end well. he had serious doubts as to whether or not the fact that this whole spiel, rant, ramble, whatever, was...pill-prompted. he didn't think this statement would make it out today. it needed to. maybe she could help him in his pursuit of killing the bastard who devised this. and it had to be serious when someone but conor was being called a bastard. that was his label. which brings us back to the whole staying-angry-forever conversation. to put it simply, being nice was the easy way out. he didn't take the easy way very often. and he just wasn't nice. he wouldn't be like shayna. not in the near future. he couldn't be in this...this idoitic state of mind for the life of him. it was hard to not leave the room right now. he should take her advice and lock the door. mostly so he couldn't run away like a chicken-maniac-person. that would be horrible. he could tell she had other motives behind this request, but anyway. the moral of the story was easily this. conor equalled never nice, and that wasn't going to change. even moreso after today. this affirmed his belief that being nice was boring. and you looked stupid. plus, telling people to fuck themselves on a daily basis was too fun. flipping the bird was fun too. making shayna beg for his forgiveness was...ocassionally fun. winning was fun. oh fuck yes. why stop now? he was too busy taking revenge at life. and it was nice. that, or his brain was too busy malfunctioning. and that's why he was insane. or...something. or the people in his life ruined it. like said earlier. shayna hadn't. she was...she was really the only person that mattered, even the smallest amount. everyone else was a dud later on. everyone else ended up getting wasted and ditching. she wasn't everyone else, but it was pretty inevitable; of course one day she would be once more. well, your average famous person that is. and he would be the depressed one. because if she forgot him. if she left. he didn't know. he honestly didn't want to think about it. he honestly had no idea why he was dwelling on that. she was right before him. there was nothing to worry about. or so he liked to dilude himself into believing. god knew. it was pretty likely things wouldn't end all happy and lovely, but you could dream. especially with a person like shayna. you had every friggin right to dream then.

even though conor was currently an idiot, even now he could tell the true identity of shayna's "innocent" query. sure. innocent was far from it. she knew something was wrong. she did. she was going to use it. she would use it as an excuse to get all cutesy and happy and be all, "i love you, let's make out conor." all over him. and the most terrifying part was he possibly (probably) wouldn't even care. it was disgusting. it was outstanding at the same time. kudos to her if she got that past him. although a few points were detracted for the whole being drugged thing. not the normal drugs. crazy ones. pot was probably more fun than this. a lot more fun. the normal, rock-solid version of conor would say "HELL NO BITCH" and maybe run away, but right now anything was possible..haah. let's reverse that. he hated contact. where this was spawned, the answer to that was universally unknown. sadly. for shayna, this sucked, because that made him a failure. or, well, she called it "not the way a normal teenage boy would react" and that was stupid. if he didn't feel like having some sexy moment with an innocent shayna—an innocent, somehow famous shayna, which was normally ne'er brought up, all aside from when he was speaking of her getting out early because she was famous, blah blah. but hey, bragging rights, or something like that? anyway; he didn't like moments of love. he didn't like it the first day when she decided it was okay to hold hands. that day he didn't blow up. but this is beside the point. to say the least, it was yet another situation in which conor ended up being in a miserable pair with shayna. she liked getting all cuddly. eew. that was all he had to say on the matter. it was another situation where their personalities didn't match up well. whoever said opposites attract was wrong. or, in this case they were. for some reason the north and south poles didn't always gravitate towards eachother. today they may. simply because he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed at the moment, and she was a cunning rat. a rat. well, more along the lines of a nice little mouse. but cunning she was, and now was not the correct time for such a trait to come into play. he would say yes and end up going to sit next to her. cute little moment. if you were some romance writer. for him, not so much. but when his anger at life had somewhat...dissolved, momentarily mind you, it would be hard to think this. he would find the idea completely normal and safe. as opposed to giving a lecture on why it was so wrong. he would do whatever she wanted and he'd be screwed when it all finally hit him, like some huge ass ton of fucking bricks, that he just got all contact-y with her. and who knows what else would happen. you know...like said, she was sexy. maybe it wasn't a bad idea, for once. it wouldn't be horrible to just make her happy with him for once, basically. his life wasn't about making a honestly whiny girl happy, but when he was like this, oh it was. stupidhead. jesus christ. or maybe he wasn't. he was right. she was sexy. it wasn't a horrible idea. he should. she wouldn't care, or course...right? maybe. he hoped. he frowned a little as she mentioned his excitment with a bit of distaste. or surprise. as if. he was so pathtically emotional right now, what the hell. honestly. as for the time...well, he didn't know. he was never the kind to appear at the appropriate moment, of you will. even when loopy. "you really can't get anymore screwed, you know. i mean, i'm ALREADY SCREWED. this..." he trailed off. the this in question was the whole place, really. it sucked. you were screwed. anyone would agree. he thought. "this is already fucking screwed. okay. you have no idea. it can only get better. so i'm past caring." he respected her wishes and closed the door anyway, regardless. now, momentarily, you would have found this to be a very normal conor, and conor comment. but you hadn't been there for the duration of the conversation. it meant nothing. as for the whole sitting next to shayna ordeal...don't make him get all blushy now. "oh. i guess. maybe. i...i'll just shut up now." he shrugged. whatever. he was already fucked up. everywhere, apparently. he sighed a bit and sat next to her. joy to the fucking world. he was totally killing any reputation of anything scary he had going for him. and lest we forget the whole "acting like a sappy idiot" part too. that was a good one. so. she had wanted him to close the door. ooh. i see now. "are you sure. i really don't have any intention of boring you, seriously. if you're bored, just be honest...i care. i do. believe me. you know i care. i hope. that'd be bad otherwise. that'd mean i just don't do a good job at this whole love thing." sigh. conor, you helpless, helpless, mad, crazy, stupidheaded, pill-ed, mess. or excuse for a human. or excuse for a mess. all of the above, please. that sounded so lacking in self esteem, where conor honestly did not lack anything, it was true. and now was a shining example of such. not gonna lie. it wasn't to say others weren't enjoying it. he could tell, shayna was. that was undeniable. oh, shayna. or really, oh shayna and conor. they were so incompatible. yet they did this. why.

of course, the reaction shayna gave really wasn't surprising. she was naturally, somehow, a bashful person. yet she was famous. he didn't get this. anyway. his blunt comment on her sexiness was somewhat expected to be something that would take you off guard, regardless of who you were, someone just exclaiming that was crazy. he knew this. he was an idiot for not trying to even protect himself from...ego harm. or something. what he was doing here was spontanity taken to the extreme. which for once, he deeply despised. he had no idea if she even noticed anything. yeah, she sounded pretty confused. obviously. but she hadn't asked. it was because she planned to take advantage of it, even this he could comprehend through this...layer, of stupidity that was somewhat damaging his sense of judgement. and his sense of when someone decided to use said stupidity to their pleasing. he knew it. it wasn't being paranoid. he knew things about her. one was that she constantly had wishes that were pretty much unattainable with conor. she wished he was normal. said the depressed one. yeah. two was obviously that she liked getting terrifyingly cuddly with people. maybe not only him, but people. and that's why she was all, "come here." in her innocent voice, innocent, pshh. that's not shayna. she was a horrible person. a devious person. ha. anyone could see that, they just didn't want to. three had to be that she loved it when he was nice. if she had even seen those times. and she wished for those times more often, as well. there was no denying that. he couldn't even fucking remember how many times she complained all about his not-normal-ness and how it upset her, and how she was just wanting this to be any normal relationship. there was really only one thing to say to this. bitch, please. like that would happen. normal was the erg definition of abnormality when you were here. it was a seriously confusing answer, but it was the truth all the way. she should have figured that out by now, shame on her. not like she even would have cared. now about the sexy thing. oh, god. "yeah, it's just being honest. and you know how i do with that." or he liked to believe she did; after all this time he knew enough about herself to get into some deep rooted feeling of hatrid or infatuation for shayna with some easy thinking. she liked to gloat and say he was the one who didn't care, but it was truly on the contrary. if she wanted to pretend that she cared, he could pretend he didn't. touché. kind of. because inside he did, hence his downfall. dammit. "uh huh. i would bet on that one. seriously." he shrugged a little. he was confused. still. this was shitty. "i'm just as clueless as you are.." he mumbled. it was true. he had no idea. why this. had happened to him on such a lovely day. it was really just damn lucky, if you thought about it. maybe he could dilude himself into being satisfied with having the mental capacity of a five year old at the moment. he knew shayna wouldn't mind.

he wasn't one to complain very often. okay. that was a lie. he did. he bitched at everyone, and so much so, that apparently it became something wrong. he just called it beig a pain in your ass. in this sense, they were very similiar. they both got all bitchy and things, and whether they admitted it was another story entirely. he did, every once and awhile. he just did, hell. she never did. she always looked so offended when you just said she got bitchy sometimes. but it was fine; because conor? oh, he knew. he knew that inside she agreed. she knew he was right, obviously. and you know what that meant? it meant he won. like always. he loved winning. this, he had no idea though, die not apply to shayna. he never tested such a thing, but someday. just wait. and often, they both never really did anything nice. or had anything nice to say to the opposite person, so part of him understood why she was very easily taken aback by his exclaimation of her somewhat apparent sexiness. it was prompted by boredom and something else which would be deciphered later, yes, but it didn't matter. he still said it and she was still pleased, or he thought. could have fooled him either way. if she had a question, be it along the lines of "are you high?" "did you get addicted to that too, now?" or something. something that just dripped shayna. she did this quite often. "oh. i see. thanks. maybe. i really have no idea why i said that anyway." oh, there was that winning honesty again. it was so charming. it really was. that, or the fact that he had no idea if he was blushing somehow, even a little. because today was a great day for surprises so far, and you know, that's what happened when you were called sexy and you were demented at the same time. lethal combo. "so anyway. what're you doing? are you really sure you don't want your alone time? because you seem to want it all the other times we've been together. i k ow i'm just the human personification of a pain in the ass, but i guess we all have something. and yours is definetly how you're just kind of bitch-sexy. yep. so, yeah. sexy. that's your thing, i guess you've heard it before though, what with being famous or something, too bad i hadn't heard of you beforehand. uh. there. that's all. i think." ramble ramble. that was all that seemed to just pop out, no? this really was something fascinating. in a terrifying kind of way. shudder. he didn't want to think about it. it was kind of hard not to, though. not when your personality was at stake, and your ego's precious inflatedness. didn't want to damage that.  

TAG, the sexy shayna. ohyes. LYRICS, conquest by the white stripes WORDS 2978 o.o wtf.NOTE, I AM RLLY INNOCENTZ WITH THE WORDS. I SWEAR THEY SEEMED SO LITTLE BUT I MEAN HOLYYY. THAT'S RLLY SUMTHIN BOYSS XP UH, SO, THERES 28374663 WORDS OF RAMBLE IN THERE, YAYY, HAPPY DAYS. /deadCREDIT, image credit to IWILLINSERTNAMEHEREWHENIGETIT XD @caution 2.0, template by meeee. yeah.

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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- when i wake up, the dream isn’t done ,.

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( STILL PAINTING FLOWERS FOR YOU )[/center]

to be totally honest, the last action shayna would have considered doing in that moment would have been anything related to physical contact because she knew just how badly it pissed him off. it wasn't like she hadn't experienced his lash outs before, and they were never pleasant. she knew he couldn't necessarily control his temper, but she also assumed that he did not really want to anyway. even though he had never come directly out to say it, she knew just how much he loved picking on other people, especially her. she couldn't help but think how most people enjoy some kind of sport or hobby as their favorite pasttime, yet conor got along just fine with his gameboy and inevitably, making her squirm. and she knew how he adored winning, even though he wouldn't admit it. she assumed that was why he picked fights with her, or provoked her to do things that would set him off. it would give him another chance to claim a victory. and yeah, shayna was placing the blame entirely on him. he always picked the fights and he always provoked her into doing the things she did. she couldn't ever remember being so confrontational until conor had come into her life. in reality, they each did their fair amount of provoking and picking fights, but shayna preferred to place the blame on conor. that just made things easier for her. if it was his fault that things happened, maybe she wouldn't feel so guilty for all the things she did. of couse, she always owned up to things. she always apologized, even if it was just a simple "i'm sorry." except the time she kissed him. oh yeah. remember that? good times. that might have been the only time she hadn't been sorry for what she had done. she apologized, but that had been merely to keep him from smashing her head against the wall. she hadn't been sorry for kissing him. it was incredibly frustrating, and terribly painful, to have to, in a sense, pretend like she didn't love him. that was pretty much what he was asking her to do. they didn't act like they were in love. he hardly even showed any sense of care for her. so yeah, sometimes it hurt a little bit. sometimes it might have been a hell of a lot easier not to care about him. he said he loved her, and they'd been over it several times. but when was he ever actually going to prove it? because that was shayna. she wasn't into that whole, 'believing before seeing' thing. she was a girl. naturally, she wanted to be loved. but any form of physical contact? that was not on her list of things to do. she had no intentions of even trying to cuddle with him, let alone anything else. she knew better. she liked being alive, and she believed that if she tried again, he wouldn't react in such a civil manner. she wished. oh god, she wished. she wished that he would want to steal kisses, or hold hands. but no, those were stupid, petty thoughts. thoughts that meant absolutely nothing to him. it was drilled in her mind that he didn't want to love her, yet he did. and sometimes, in her worst moods, she bought into the fact that he regretted everything. whether or not he actually did, she would never know.

you could say that conor's sudden moodswing was throwing shayna a bit off. it was like, all of a sudden, he was more in touch with his emotions her. and that was a problem. obviously, something was no right. it was just a matter of what was causing this. she highly doubted that he had decided to come to his senses and start acting humane. no, there were no chances of that ever. she didn't know if he was trying to play mind games or not. but that wasn't like him. he didn't do mind games so much as he just liked to yell at her. maybe there was a side to him that she had yet to see? she didn't know what kind of crap he was trying to pull if he was trying anything. yet even that suspicion seemed hardly plausible. she told herself that she wasn't going to stress over his sudden change. but here she was, stressing. he was right though, about everything being screwed. the entire asylum was screwed. the staff members and patients were screwed up. their relationship wasn't exactly normal. nothing about them was normal. he was right. no way in hell she was telling him that. sure, he was having his little happy moment. but what would it take for him to snap back so his usual self? she didn't want to test that. "you're not boring me, conor. not at all."

[/color] in fact, with his strange little emotional thing going on, she was far from bored. most of her mind was wrapped around what the hell was going on, and then there was that little part of her that was just saying, hey, shut the fuck up so i can enjoy this. then again, shayna was too rational of a person to actually listen to that little voice. she would have liked to, yes, but she wasn't going to. no, she was trying to figure out why conor was suddenly starting to care. and get emotional on her. that was rich. really, it was. conor cared? hardly. he had a funny way of showing it. if caring meant yelling all of a sudden, and she just hadn't gotten the memo. wait, no. shayna wasn't being fair. she wasn't being fair at all. and her accusations were already sinking in and making her feel terrible. he didn't deserve her mental slandering. she knew he tried, or she at least hoped. ugh. she didn't want this debate going on in her mind anymore. for a moment she wondered if how he sounded now was how she always sounded. she didn't know how much she talked, nor how pathetic she possibly sounded to him when she vented about why he couldn't just accept everything. nope. he was conor, and he had to be difficult. about everything. it wasn't like she was entirely innocent of that either, though. she was a stubborn bitch, and she wasn't necessarily willing to accept that. she would fight conor on anything he said if she didn't like it, because she had already pushed his limits. she knew how far she could go. so far, kissing was off limits, yet fighting back was perfectly acceptable. and she laughed softly, slightly amused. "you don't have to be good at the love thing. that's my job, remember? we've already established that i'm the one who does the loving for the both of us."[/color] conor. hm. his job was to do the fighting.

she would have guessed that maybe he was having a bad day, and that was why he was acting so differently. right? bad days usually affected how people acted. on her worst days, she got miserable and virtually suicidal, but that was why she was in alkaline. maybe it was the opposite for conor. maybe he got .. nicer? that made absolutely no sense in her mind. she kind of figured that if conor was having a worse day than usual, heads would be rolling, he would be yelling, and she would be crying. and then he would yell more because she was crying. it was just this whole vicious circle. so, she was kind of thinking maybe it wasn't the bad day. and for that, she was thankful. she watched as he closed and locked the door, and then moved over to sit next to her. she honestly hadn't expected that. she more or less expected him to be like, 'i don't take orders from you, shayna,' and then bitch at her about it. that was the conor thing to do, wasn't it? however, she would take the angry, moody conor anyday over this...this, emotional, content, conor. it was too much for her. it wasn't what she was used to. it wasn't the conor she was in love with. yet, maybe this was just a side of him that hadn't come out before. so she was just going to wait and see. she would let things play out. she wanted to figure out why he was acting like this, but there was nothing wrong with enjoying it while it lasted, right? just for the sake of not getting yelled at for something she did wrong? as he sat beside her, she moved slightly to put a few more inches between them. instinctively, she was reacting with distance. better safe than sorry, yeah? the distance she purposely put between them on a regular basis nowadays, was more for her benefit than his. it wasn't like she was afraid of him. she was just afraid of who he became when something triggered his temperment. most of the time, she could handle it. however, in the detention cell, he had made it very clear that if she pulled something again, she may not survive it. so okay, yeah. maybe she was a little scared. whatever. she wasn't afraid of him. she was just afraid of getting close to him. oh yes, she knew exactly how conor went along with that honesty thing. he was honest, he was blunt, and he did not care about whatever consequences came of said honesty. but the sexy thing? she couldn't figure that one out either. where had that come from? it wasn't like anything that he had ever said before. remotely. there had never been any compliments, and she had never expected them. he didn't even know why he had said it. which just furthered his suspicion for this not being conor. she shook her head a little bit, feeling smothered from the confusion in her mind. she just wanted to ask the obivious question. who are you and what have you done with my conor? because he doesn't say things like that. alksdjf. frustration.

slowly, shayna began to relax and her mind stopped freaking out over what was going on. it was her only way to stay sane for the time being. she somehow managed to find a way to keep her mind from going into a frenzy over figuring out what was wrong. all it took was a little self convincing. "i don't mind sharing my alone time with you. we're alone together, so it works out. the only reason i want it other times, is because other times you're yelling at me."[/color] she spoke softly, almost shyly. okay yeah, he was a pain in the ass. but she didn't mind. she would complain about him and vent about all the things he did that she saw as flawed. however, she loved his flaws. that was what made him conor. even though she bitched and whined about them, she didn't mind them so much. "you're not that much of a pain. only sometimes. and it's not like i'm much better. so."[/color] she was slightly uncomfortable with him calling her bitch-sexy. mostly because she didn't know exaclty what he meant by it. was she bitch? or was she sexy? or was she both? she didn't get how being a bitch was sexy. but maybe that's how it was to him. laksdjf. again. and to be honest, she hadn't heard it before. people hadn't called her sexy. it was usually, talented. something along the lines of how many tickets she was selling, how many records had sold, how many songs on itunes. everything revolved around numbers for her. appearance was just a part of why she was where she was. the media was shallow; as was her management. "i'm actually almost positive that you're the first person to ever call me that. that i know of, at least."[/color] she'd never heard it before. not referring to her, anyway. she still wasn't entirely convinced, either.
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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 2011. notes KSO THIS IS MY ATTEMPT TO CATCH UP TO YER WORD COUNT AND I STILL FAIL AT IT. AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO INITIATE DA SEXYNESS 'CAUSE SHE'S DEATHLY AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE TO HIM NOW THAT HE'S MADE IS SUPER CLEAR THAT SHE SHOULDN'T BE CLOSE EVER. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

she was just another

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CONQUEST, DIDN'T CARE WHOSE HEART WAS BROKE
LOVE TO HIM WAS JUST A JOKE .[/size]

unless whatever you said to conor was seriously insulting, on any given day, he would just scowl at you, and perhaps give pity, because such a sad, frail attempt at hurting the feelings of conor was really something to be frowned upon, and just plain stupid. it honestly should be worth millions of dollars. it was a contest. or it could have been, before shayna stepped into his life, or vice versa, he had no idea. she made such lame jabs at his ego, or how he was a bad excuse for a boyfriend, whatever. but he took it into account. how stupid. how fucking stupid was it to listen to her whine about something he didn't even care about on an average day? how stupid was it that he was going to cry because now she was just scooting away, there she goes. he is some terrifying degree of nice today, and she still thinks he is out to kill her. that was just annoying. whatever, he had to hand it to her. she figured it out, or she hadn't and all this was unintentional and for real, which was honestly just plain scary. she knew how to annoy him. or make him an idiot. yes, he settled on saying it was her fault, because he didn't know how he would find the bastard who made his bastardly nature dissappear. his. it was his job to do that. you could not just take it and get away with that, oh no. of course, he would have to take care of that another day, but anyhow. he really would never fully grasp why, exactly, shayna made him so pissed sometimes. then again, it was not a good thing. she overreacted and in the end he eventually won that too, because after annoying him she scared herself shitless and times like these arose. as in, every time, even though he was acting like some complete idiot (not even on purpose either) she was still afraid. she still scooted away. oh yes, he saw that. and he knew there was no beter reason than because of his little moment he had when she did the whole shebang the last time they were together, or for such an extended period. it was also the last time she made attempts at any pyhsical display of affection. or was it public? either way, she did not try any hand holding manuevers or anything of that sort, which made him a little upset, he didn't honestly mean to scare her off...he just was annoyed. hey, at least she learned something? if you wanted to keep trying, go ahead, but it would only get more intensified, to be honest. it wasn't even really intentional, either, so it was hard. that was another reason, he did not really enjoy yelling at shayna, but you know...she got the message then? ugh. whatever. it was basically a lost cause, worrying about having another moment today. that was basically impossible right now.

it had been said many a time before, but honestly, conor never professed and never planned on being some love obessed child. that wasn't his...shtick. kind of. he didn't enjoy that. but see. shayna did. and she often wished this was so. she wished so much that she basically felt the need to go cry in a corner when she realized it wasn't happening. she felt like she had to just be a bitch because that just solved everything, didn't it. maybe with the average male it would. but conor was not the average male, no. never. he could be bitchier than you, you had no idea what the concept was until you honestly had to put up with that angry, annoying, rudely honest shit all the time. and maybe it would get wearysome after awhile. sure, fine. that aside, she didn't have to be so annoying too. it was way too much...annoying as opposed to balance. that wasn't to say he was the best advocate you had for the term of "balance", but you could dream. that was the closest you'd get. and this was why the two together, combined into one superbeing—was a calamity waiting to happen. oh, nevermind, it already did. damn. and the world hasn't exploded as most liked to assume. it seemed to be somewhat of a popular subject. that, or conor just enjoyed the possibility of having something involving himself as a trending topic. huh. anyway. he wasn't too sure what exactly she had began to fathom about today's events just yet, but if she thought something smacked him across the head and just created this revelation, she was sadly mistaken. once he took care of whoever made...this crap happen, and once he was ensured it would never happen again, things would be back to their normal state of ranting and being, somehow, constantly pissed off at everyone, most notably shayna. but, as he liked to say, it was her fault. she really made all this happen. she made it happen when she just had to get all cutesy on day one, número uno. she had to be all bashfully cute and make him the bearer of bad news, make him the one who had to lay the emotions of everyone out on the table. which was something he was not very fond of. it happened, and he had no idea how it worked, but whatever. he was not about to mess with that. he enjoyed blaming his life and its shitty quality on shayna. which was sad. very sad. but that's a secret. shh. and as for the not bored thing...he didn't believe it. this could also be simply because he was having computing issues at the moment, to say the least, but it could have just as well been the way she sounded awfully shocked with everything she said. after everything different he said, and these were...nice things, she always acted like something just broke inside of her and she was left somewhat non-functioning. in reality, he would appreciate it if she was somewhat concerned about his momentary (hopefully) insanity, but that seemed far fetched apparently. sigh. "well. if you want to be honest, just do it. i'm fine right now. if i bore you, that will make me upset. and if you don't tell me...then i'll be really sad." why he said this like some type of regret, he had no idea. why he was acting like some demented almost-adult, he also had no idea. but it was so fucking wrong on so many levels. the worst part of it was, he knew that had she been bored and not told him, he honestly would have been sad and would have started to scramble for something that wouldn't bore her out of her brains. and that wouldn't help. at all. she was obviously confused and possibly overwhelmed by his lovely outlook on things. maybe he should ask about that too. wouldn't that be fun. "is something wrong? do i annoy you? like i said, if it's upsetting you, it is visibly upsetting me, and you do. not. want that." there of course was emphasis on the do not part, because you didn't. today, instead of strangling someone, he would maybe even pull a shayna. go hide in a corner and try not to cry. and fail and the latter, that was the most important part. crying wasn't really in him though. maybe it was some tear duct issue. they didn't work. or he was just too big a bastard to care that much. oh, that was much, much more plausible. that was it.

today was not a good day for shayna to be honest. or, to deal with conor the right way. she could be like this when he was all normal and that would be great, he would just be on some pedestal of godliness because of his sucess, she finally realized not to sit within a few inches or so of him and his space, and she wasn't being a bitch. wow. but today...no. today, hearing that he had apparently agreed to letting shayna be the primary love-er (?) of the group made him very distressed. he felt as if his duties were not fulfilled. which was just a tragedy. it was a surprise. and he didn't know how to fix it, either, exactly. why now. now she had to do things the right way for once. "but...that means that i just..." he trailed off, pretty lost in thoughts and kind of sad now. this was just horrible. this was a crime. this bitch would pay for their evil conspiracy against him, getting him all stupidheaded and then, god knew what. he would just be some wreck with shayna and maybe he would run for his life and they would find out about their relationship? oh, he didn't know. "i don't even do what i'm supposed to. when did we decide that? i have to be doing something right...don't i? you can't do all of this by yourself...and i was just being a bastard again, if i said so. shit." at least some shred of conor humanity remained, ahh yes, he apparently had no objection to swearing right now. cue the sighs of relief. something that made it known that he was conor, not a robot or cyborg. that'd be bad news. but he still had no idea why he actually admitted he was a jerk. because he wasn't. this was just the normal way of conor things? there really wasn't an excuse, but he liked to think there was. especially today, when he had fallen off of something and honestly lost it for real. shudder. "if it's with me, then it is not alone time, shayna. silly. that makes no sense." he kind of just decided to give up trying to figure out what the point of anything he said was. it was all kind of pointless anyway. most of the time there was some logical explanation, but he wasn't the best with the "logical" things and right now it was not any better. so. he lost. but he didn't just admit it, shh. conor didn't do those things.

now, he really was not going to blame her for being a bit apprehensive here and there. in fact, he made this so, had he not decided to wake up and be a bastard, as always, she wouldn't currently be serruptitiously moving away, putting a safe little distance between themselves. it was kind of a surprise, to be honest. he didn't really enjoy that today. he was too nice today for being proud of this. i mean, hell. if this was any other day, he would be beside himself in hapiness and even more self-accomplishment, not that he lack any, no way, but if he saw this as a normal, well-functioning person, then god knew. if only he had. he wished. but there was no use in dwelling on it, since there was no normal from what he could see. "seriously." he started. if this was how she felt like doing things, whatever. he was just going to milk all the niceness he had today. hence, he managed to move himself closer to her. he wasn't in the mood for personal space today. or, "conor, you like space so here it is" shit. that wasn't going to happen, thank you. so screw that. he was just going. and if she was so sexy, it was fine. it was fine...yep. "can you not move? jesus. i'm fine. do you need space or something? i thought you didn't want me to...want personal space." he shrugged kind of. he was a little confused. and he was kind of just making a point and actually giving her eye contact for once. what the fuck. this was just wrong, and he had known this when he decided to actually go and see her for a reason that wasn't to kill her for something, it was a surprise, or a sign, for that matter. he didn't know which one was more accurate, exactly. "but if you don't really care then you know, i'll just do whatever you prefer. i didn't want to invade your space, or something. yeah. okay. shutting up." ugh. this kind of got tedious. dealing with shayna got tedious, to be quite honest, and her picky habits and her not doing anything he asked UNTIL the day he didn't want her to, it was all just wrong. why not on another day. why not on a day when he could be happy with himself and possibly ruining shayna's love for cuddly moments. because on those days he would not fucking care, and just frolic around in hapiness like some big-headed ass, which he was, but that was beside the point. great. he wasn't going to be upset about it on any other day. he wasn't going to cry about it like some depressed child. he was just going to love it. like always. and be happy with her displeasure and finally getting the idea - guess what, kids, conor did not like contact or people getting in his obnoxiously big eqiuvalent of personal space, or in his bubble, whatever it was. and shayna finally got it after being angrily ranted at for the second, or almost third time. today, something along this line was obviously not going to happen, but maybe something would snap inside and he would no longer be a bumbling stupidhead. hmm.


TAG, the sexy shayna. ohyes. LYRICS, conquest by the white stripes WORDS 2332 NOTE, BLAH BLAH THIS SUCKS. I LISTENED TO LADY GAGA XD WHUTTT THE HELL. AND THEN OTHER THINGS WHICH ARE INSANELY DIFFERENT FROM HER LIKE THE CRANBERRIES ^.^ BUT SHE WORKS FOR SEXYTIEMZ. OR WHATEVER. THIS IS MY FAIL, VERY SMALL, START TO THEM. OKAY. I FAIL XP SO PLZ2NOTKILL ME. LAWL. CREDIT, image credit to IWILLINSERTNAMEHEREWHENIGETIT XD @caution 2.0, template by meeee. yeah.

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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- when i wake up, the dream isn’t done ,.

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( STILL PAINTING FLOWERS FOR YOU )[/center]

conor didn't bore shayna, not in the slightest. he couldn't bore her even if he wanted to, which probably sucked for him because then he could shake her off his back and get rid of her. but anyway. shayna was pretty much infatuated with conor, for a lack of better terms. she very much enjoyed trying to figure him out, even though it was extremely frustrating and impossible at times. yes, most of the time he put her in tears by threatening her or something along those lines. and yeah, he wouldn't let her cuddle with him. still, it always boggled her mind as to why that was, and why he was the way he was. there was never a dull moment with conor simply because their mindsets and emotions conflicted at such a high level. if they were both that same tedious, monotonous person, then there would be nothing fun about them when they were together. she wasn't saying that fighting all of the time was fun, but it just wasn't boring. in the least, she could say that they were always doing something instead of just staring at the wall together. there was, in a sense, some kind of depth to the relationship they shared. they would fight and she would cry and he would tell her to stop because it was annoying. it was how they worked. the cycle could get tedious after a while, but then there would be a moment, where she could snuggle up to him without being told to die in a fire. he wouldn't join in on a snuggling, and he would scowl and bitch about it, but she could handle that. those little moments interrupted the extreme fighting for a good amount of time. enough time to keep shayna on her toes, at least. she wasn't so fragile that she would end up in tears on a regular basis, though. okay, maybe more often then not, their fighting ended in tears. but eventually, she would get used to whatever reason caused the fighting and start bitching back at him until he threatened her agian. then the crying may or may not start up again. but hey, if he didn't want her to get upset, even if it was because it annoyed him, then he needed to learn to simply stop upsetting her. even after all their time together, he had yet to learn her boundaries even though she had unwillingingly learned his. yes, no touching. no physical contact ever. but it's perfectly okay for you to pick on me. no, it's cool. and that aggressive attitude in shayna's had for the moment was simply stemming from conor's extremely abnormal, emotional state of mind. she chose to ignore the fact that he thought he was boring her. she had already made it clear he was not, and she didn't want to go back to that topic.

nontheless, she sighed heavily and shook her head slightly, looking him directly in the eyes. "conor, love,"

[/color] she started, risking the pet name in hopes that his current state would enjoy it rather than want to beat her for it. "you are not upsetting me, or boring me, or annoying me, or bothering my in anyway. got that?"[/color] she didn't know how long she could handle his sensitivity. shayna was a kind, patient girl; most of the time. however, when it came to conor, he made her easily frustrated and want to pull her own hair out half the time. it was terribly ironic that he was acting the way he was now. was this how shayna acted all the time? was she this sensitive? that emotional? she felt like yeah, she was sensitive, and emotional, but what girl wasn't? honestly. plus, her emotions weren't running haywire like conor's currently were. she didn't know what the hell was wrong with him, but neither did he. what confused her the most was that he didn't even seem to realize how different he was acting. "don't even worry about anything, conor. you just do what you want to do, and i'll follow along, and we'll be okay. that's how we do things."[/color] it was, in fact, how they did things. conor ultimately ruled their relationship. if she made one false move and he didn't like it, then he would do whatever needed to be done to fix it. it wasn't the end of the world for shayna though. luckily, she was a passive person. she wasn't a leader, she was a follower. she was far too fragile and not assertive enough to boss around conor. she could yell back for a little while, and tell him how much he sucked, but it never took very long for her to fall back down into her place. shayna didn't always listen to what conor had to say. in fact, she spend an unhealthy amount of time ignoring him and just pretending he wasn't there whenever he rambled on about what she did wrong or what he was blaming her for. no, their relationship wasn't healthy. but for some unexplainable reason, it worked well. the less compatible they were, the better they worked when they were around each other. needless to say, shayna knew she didn't want to be without him.

what conor did next baffled shayna, and honestly left her frozen there for a good few seconds. he did not just do what she think he did. no, she had to have been imagining it. something like that would never have happened in reality. it was sad, because it was such a small gesture, but it meant so much to her. as she scootched away, he moved closer and eventually told her to stop moving away. laksjdf. what was that? definitely not conor. that was just .. not okay. this was not him. this was not what he did. if anything, he would have been sitting a good few feet away by now. what the hell had gotten into him? he spent more time telling her to get the hell away from him than telling her to jump off the roof. so why was he intentionally moving closer? she wasn't used to it. she didn't know how to feel about it. this .. this mutual interest in closeness wasn't something she knew how to handle well. she could easily force her cute, cuddly little self upon him while he bitched about it reluctantly. however, she didn't know how to react to this conor. would he snap and then blame her for everything? seriously. she stared at the very little space between them now for a few seconds before snapping out of it and glancing back up at him. her eyes narrowed a bit in a suspicious manner for a moment or two as she looked him up and down; trying to figure out what the hell was going on. the frown on her face eventually faded, and she couldn't help but let the tiniest of grins form. she knew that there were very good chances that within any second, he would find that glare of his and whatever anger he had managed to hide. as easily he had gotten into this good mood, he could fall back into his bad one. that scared her. the unpredictability of conor's mood swings scared the crap out of her. however, she had no idea what to expect. and she wanted. no. she needed to make the best out of this situation. she didn't like saying it, but she wanted to take advantage of this good mood he had put himself in. however he had gotten into it, she was going to have to figure out.

in retaltiation to his actions, she moved closer to him as well, closing any distance so they were touching. "i'm..i'm sorry,"[/color] her voice was quiet and cautious, as she was terrified that he would snap on her, "i don't need space. i mean, i definitely don't need space. i just assumed that you would have wanted it." why did this feel so tragically awkward? actually, not really. the words felt awkward, but her actual state didn't feel awkward in the slightest. she actually felt pretty damn confident. which wasn't usual for her.[/color] her eyes were parallel to his, as were her lips. they were close now. unusually close considering he was conor and she was shayna. this reminded her so much of the detention cell; as this was how close she had been right before she tried to kiss him then. what if she tried again? what, no. she knew better. she knew that there was no way that could end well for her, ever. but why did she feel so god damn tempted to do it? internally, she cursed her hormones and emotions and began to grow extremely frustrated with herself. "i'm trying again, and i swear to god if you so much as yell at me again, i'll have you shipped off elsewhere."[/color] he should have known better than anyone that when she said 'trying again,' she meant trying the kiss again. there was nothing else she wanted to try again more than that anyway. of course, there was no real threat behind her words. she would never have him shipped off else where. he could push her down the stairs and spend the entire time calling her foul things, and she wouldn't care. well, she would. but she would tolerate it for the sake of keeping him around. so with that, she brought her hand up to his face and swiftly, but cautiously, pressed her lips to his, knowing perfectly well the danger she was putting herself in. it was like she couldn't learn a lesson even if her life depended on it.
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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1626. notes OKAY SO THIS WAS MY FAIL ATTEMPT AT STARTING DA SEXYTIMEZ. DUN LAUGH TOO MUCH AT THE FAIL, SO YEW CAN JUST KEEP IT GOING FROM THERE IF YOU'D LIKE. IT'S ALL RAMBLE AND STUFF I'VE ALREADY SAID AND I'M SORRY IT SUCKS :3. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

she was just another

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CONQUEST, DIDN'T CARE WHOSE HEART WAS BROKE
LOVE TO HIM WAS JUST A JOKE .[/size]

those rare days where conor had some assimilance of a soul came in very small doses. he himself had no idea if this was because he enjoyed making people feel upset, or sad, or like someone just was being a bastard to them. or simply because of that lame excuse, "it was his nature" and blah blah blah. it was, yes. but it really wasn't an excuse to be an ass all the time. maybe his thinking was distorted simply because he was having his fair share of issues today, but either way, he wasn't too sure. she meant well, she was just horrifyingly stubborn and sometimes a little...condescending? which was kind of hypocritical, because conor certainly was. he looked down on everyone else with pity. when in fact, having a higher number associated with you was not good these days. he was the one who should be pittied, but he would never let that happen. no no. so everyone who couldn't hold their own, per say, for the life of them, was a sad, infinitesimal part of his exsistence. he was the superior one here, and whether you agreed or not was another issue entirely. for shayna, she didn't want to believe anyone else in the world was better than her, because she was famous, oh shit. but that meant nothing. she could dream, though. he had the upper hand. and she had the pity. but hey, be happy. he felt sorry for you and your feeble attempts at being tough and whatever the hell else you wanted to pull. it wasn't very accurate to say he was a professional with reasoning people, but it would be far off to say he couldn't tell when you were bluffing or were simply trying to impress. and that was why shayna was often in the state she was. she was looked down upon. because he knew what she said half of the time—or threats at least—were petty and meant nothing. they were empty, and no matter how many times she tried to impress upon him that if he did that again (whatever "that" entailed was another story) he would be shipped off to canada because she could do that, he knew she wouldn't. she loved him. and it was mutual. she seemed to have a hard time grasping t, but just because conor didn't exactly fancy running around and exclaiming his love for shayna, the epitome of teen angst and love and happiness and everything else there really was—except maybe he was better for the angst part, did not mean he hated her. he just didn't have the time to get off his high horse and admit he was in love with someone he used to make fun of quite often. it was true. and it was secret, mind you, he didn't need her falling all over the place because he admitted that she was just a speck in his exsistence before. just wait until everyone heard about that. it would be great. he would get shit. no doubt there. but he didn't really forsee the possibility of anyone else but shayna in the near future. which brought us back to the somewhat tender subject of when exactly they would take their leave from the hellhole, and that often ended in conor being convinced he would die before that'd ever happen, shayna not agreeing but knowing he was right inside, and a lot of "we'll just make what we have now last then" conversations. and that was how the whole, "let's do something conor would wring my neck for" idea came from. such a thing would be trying to even come remotely close to him and his bubble slash space. and that was one part. then was her, shayna, the biggest weenie there was (yes. weenie) trying to kiss him, yeah. emphasis on that. it had to be her, he had to find her and love her. of all people. of all the normal, not attention-craved girls out there. her. the one who had a boatload of it and that apparently wasn't even enough, so she had to just beg conor for it, and when that didn't work, she decided to commit suicide? which was basically what she must have wanted that day, because when you did that, you got yourself stood on. literally. and that hurt. but much like shayna, conor loved her too much to cease her exsistence. so he just decided to rant. and then give some sorry ass apology afterward, because that was not his thing. at all. no. and she seemed to accept it. he wasn't too clear on that though.

thinking about it, he should be the one who got the pity today. he was a sad person today. he was kind of blissfully unaware that he should be wringing her neck for using his name and the word love in one cute, cliched, stupid nickname thing. and that disspointed him very much. conor was always aware. always. you didn't pull something on him very easily, to be honest. and that wasn't just the big ego speaking, either. he liked to think of himself as special in that sense. oh yes, conor. what a special little card you were. "love? like...what. okay." well that was a jumbled mess. there wasn't much more to say. and there wasn't much to say to her comforting remarks either. if it didn't involve violence he was somewhat out of ideas. now what. "your obviously annoyed tone there was not very assuring, but whatever. that's okay. don't use your right of free speech. it's very important, and here you are, ignoring it." he nodded. it was true. honesty was important. and yes, conor knew this well. he was very honest. in fact, sometimes his honesty got in the...way of things. sometimes he was a bit too honest for the liking of others, apparently. he just didn't take shit without something in return and he wasn't going to deal with some whiny ass complaining to him. guess what that was refrenced to. it was damn hard to believe he loved that when he talked about her so loosely and...as pissed off as he did. and that was possibly why this naive, unsuspecting conor was very taken aback and somewhat horrified at his own rather angry thoughts of shayna, such a nice person. well, that conor hadn't dealt with all her complaints and moments where she was (metaphorically) on her knees and begging him to pretend to love her, because she loved him. quite a bit, at that. and it got wearysome every once and awhile. and this didn't mean good things for shayna. or himself, for that matter. he got pissed because...because she was too demanding? or, she was constantly unsatisified with him. now, his ego was not damaged easily. he didn't care if you complained about how he sucked. like said, you were nothing but a speck in his exsistence. so he honestly had no idea why someone like shayna mattered so much; or her opinion did at least. like she was the best person to get an opinion from anyway. no. not at all, or not in his mind. today, maybe. but today wasn't a very good example. today was going to be a day that he would figuratively burn without remorse. yeah. "but...that's a lot for you to do...and then i'm not 'doing my job' as your uhm. that thing. or whatever you tell me to do." he lamented a bit on that. he wasn't too sure when he decided that her view on him even mattered. or when listening to her was actually important; something to be upset over. never. he didn't care what she thought. he had no idea if she would go catatonic when she heard him repeat something he said, hence, he actually paid attention, unlike her—so he didn't know why he spared her that courtesy, but anyhow. things were, of course, getting a little bit worse as opposed to better today. sigh.

as for her unexpected move, he assumed it had to do with his sudden movement. gesture. he just moved a few inches closer and she did that. she made that move. she had to try and kiss him again. she knew that was lethal. prohibited. against the laws of self-space for conor. not to mention he had some stupid aversion to the feeling of love. being in love, loving shayna, anything. it was enough that first day. the roof. no, it was not some type of innuendo, it was, in fact, what happened when you called him out on having a ego complex that was unaturually large. he did get upset. more than that, actually, and hence, they had to be on the roof. alone. and she had to hold his hand while he tried to admit that after all of a half hour together, he had feelings for her. not nesscarily strong ones, but feelings, and she was too afraid to admit them to him. so he did it, because he had balls here. she didn't. he did, and he put that feeling out in the open. since then she decided to take the steps in the relationship, one of those being kissing him. which evoked yet another explosion and shayna hating him and hating being near him. so today she tried it again. she attempted that manuever all over again. shayna did it, and like he expected, was basically taking advantage of his good nature today and his well meant worries for her opinions and thoughts. so she kissed him, because she assumed he wouldn't blow up again. she could tell. and as much as he wanted to say something along the lines of, "HELL NO bitch," and run off, he couldn't. he had no plans of going to canada, the rumored place he would be going if she did follow up with her threat. he knew from the second he moved closer. he knew when she gave her stupid, vindictive, smile all over the place. he knew. you didn't let these things go over conor's head very easily. he could tell she had her own plan. he didn't mean, hey shayna, go ahead and try that kissing thing again. seriously. i wasn't upset at all the first time. when he took that foot between them away. it was more of an apology for being a bastard, if you will. if only she could have just accepted that like a normal human being and not tried to repeat the events of a few weeks ago. tsk tsk. but what else was there to expect, really. it was shayna, he was conor, he didn't like his space violated or anyone touching him, in a affectionate manner or not. as long as you abide by the rules, you stayed safe. and you weren't beaten to a pulp. which was a pretty damn safe way to go. and the better way.

he sighed. she didn't really have to be so rankled by what he said, he was just saying. that's all. "you don't really have to be sorry, i was just..." he trailed off. what was the word for that, exactly, it wasn't a warning, it was something else. "i was just telling you. like i said, for awhile you were upset when i didn't let you and your...uh, advances slide. but it's okay now, i think. since you're so sexy, and all. i was just putting it out there. i guess." throughout this rant he was still completely unaware of the calamity ahead. because what he said was meant to be taken into consideration and not exploited, which she was doing. just like she was exploiting his innocent motives and demeanor. you didn't do that. you couldn't corrupt him. he was too nice for that. or today, at least. then again. he was confused if it was her fault. it could have been his; he brought up the sexiness and made her feel like he was just in some sexy mood today. then again. no. he didn't think he was. god help him. if that was another side effect thing, there would be blood. and there would be someone strangled because you did not do that shit and get away with it. or, without paying for it. or dying. or something. he was not above such a thing, even today. damn. "WHAT. SHAYNA. what do you mean. oh my god. you don't mean you are going to do that again. i hope we are not on the same page. i have no idea. why me. why. that wasn't yelling was it? i don't want to go to canada. i really don't. i know that's what you planned. honestly. why." he was kind of frantically rambling on about his thoughts, and of course his attempts were entirely useless and meant nothing to the seemingly ever-lusty shayna. what a surprise there. honestly. he should sell that story and headline someone, he would have enough to bail himself out of this place, or whatever you did exactly. and he was confused when she kissed him all over again. so he kind of just sat. in dumbfounded amusement, kind of wanting to return it and seriously considering it. or maybe he just would. oh he should. he did. all he did was really just, you know...kind of copy what she did, considering he had no idea how to deal with this shit. he was not in the mood to go bezerk all over her, he did in fact, enjoy this today. stupid, stupid conor. he wouldn't have any clue what he was putting himself into. by just getting involved? ugh. 
    


TAG, the sexy shayna. ohyes. LYRICS, conquest by the white stripes WORDS 2346 NOTE, AHH THIS FAILS. FOR REAL, YOU AGREE DUN LIE SIR. SO, THERE IT IS, CONOR RETURNS THE SEXYTIEMZ FOR YEW. WHEE. HAHA. I HAVE TO EAT NOW XD CREDIT, image credit to IWILLINSERTNAMEHEREWHENIGETIT XD @caution 2.0, template by meeee. yeah.

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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- when i wake up, the dream isn’t done ,.

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( STILL PAINTING FLOWERS FOR YOU )[/center]

sometimes it felt like sending conor off to canada would just solve every problem. in reality, she could contact some kind of management, claim that conor was a threat to her, and have him shipped off elsewhere. maybe canada, if she tossed that into the conversation. it would have been easy. and the threat of doing such a thing to him often came up whenever he was acting like his usual pissy self. unfortunately, shayna would never be able to actually follow through with such a threat because she had such a weak spot for him. even when he was super frustrating, heartless and violent, she couldn't have shipped him away from her. not at all. he could have beaten her as harshly as he wanted to, and she wouldn't have done anything about it. it was simply because at the end of the day, he was the only person she had. so she was going to cling to him and love him. it was really all she knew how to do; and it was the only thing she wanted to do. she had yet to figure out how he could possibly love her by treating her so awfully, but she assumed that at least he was putting the effort into paying attention to her if he had so many problems with how she was. she was slightly aware of how selfish she was being by kissing him. of course, that slight awareness was gone by her intense desire to kiss him. she figured that eventually, he would have to give in. eventually, he would admit to wanting her like she wanted him. maybe. hopefully. a girl could dream.

the fear of conor lashing out at her was growing more and more inside of her, even though he had yet to show any violent signs at all since his arrival in her room. you couldn't blame her for being so fearful of him, especially when he had such a bad habit of punishing her for whatever he didn't like. she hadn't stopped kissing him yet, and he hadn't ripped her away. he hadn't pushed her away. that was the key thought in her head. what did it even mean? he hadn't lashed out in anyway. there had been no threats. he didn't shove her off of him. he didn't push her to the ground or attempt to harm her in anyway. he didn't even seem like he was going to give a verbal lashing. honestly, she didn't know what to make of the situation. in fact, the only way he had reacted, was by kissing back, and that was just unfair. it was fucking with her head. okay yeah, it was what she wanted. but she didn't expect it and she certainly hadn't prepared herself for the mad rush of emotions she was about to feel. she had braced herself for being abused in one form or another. she hadn't prepared for this .. acceptence. of course, she remained slightly tense and nervous as she started attempting to deepen the kiss. who knew when he would snap. who knew what would trigger him. whatever was causing him to be in this good mood could end as easily as it had come. it wouldn't take long for him to realize what she was doing and what he was complying with. it wasn't like him. and that scared her probably almost as much as it scared him. she almost would have preferred kissing the unstable, violent conor. at least she knew how to handle that. so she reacted the only way she knew how.

at first, she was going to pull away and ask him what the hell was going on in that mind of his. she would have killed in that moment just to know how he was operating. why now? what had changed? seriously. conor was the most confusing, complex human being she had even met, yet in that, he was probably the most predictable. however, she decided against opening her big mouth for fear that he would want to kill her for her actions. so instead, she continued kissing him. and eventually, she was kissing him a little bit harder. it was terribly cliched how amazing it felt to have him kissing her back. finally. it was like she couldn't get enough of him. hell, he'd been refusing it for so long now. it had always been an amazement to her that as a boy; a teenage boy for that matter, he had no problem keeping his hands to himself. shayna didn't want attention from many people. she got it from the entire world, and that was annoying as it was. she didn't want attention from anyone in the asylum. she didn't want boys looking her over and trying to get with her. conor was the only one she ever wanted that attention from and that was hard enough as it was. she could have said that he was giving her butterflies, but the nervousness in her stomach wasn't that kind of nervousness. it was the fear of, once again, being punished for what she was doing. because she certianly wasn't stopping and she really had no intentions of doing so. she was letting her lips continue on his, and her hands were even getting involved now. one of her hands ended up on his arm, just kind of supporting herself and holding onto him slightly. her other hand, however, had found its way onto his leg, and was just casually resting there in that innocent, shayna kind of way. of course, it was anything but innocent. however, shayna wasn't aware of that. she was shayna, and as per usual, she didn't know what she was getting herself into. she had no idea as to what her actions were leading up to.

she decided to pull away quickly. and barely. she barely let her lips part from his; her hands remained where they were and she didn't move away an inch. she had every desire to go back to doing what they were doing. but she also had a small little want to explain herself. or at least reassure him. you know? she spoke quietly and softly, sounding genuine. she really didn't want to send him away. especially if he was finally starting to cooperate with her. "you're not going to canada, okay? i promise. just. calm down."

[/color] calm down? what kind of request was that, especially when she was doing her best to keep from jumping his bones. almost immediately after she stopped speaking, she went back to kissing him. because honestly, it just felt addicting now. was that sick? did it sound sick? because it kind of sounded a little messed up to her. yet, it didn't stop her from continuing to kiss him and deepen that kissing. she didn't know that she was bound to end up under neath him at some point during the night. she didn't know that she may or not become impregnanted with his child after the night was over. and she had no idea of the catastrophic events that were going to continue to pile on after that. for now, she was just thinking about how he was kissing her back. she wasn't even worried about getting caught anymore. he'd locked the door, hadn't he? if any staff member walked in, they would be fucked. no pun intended. she wasn't thinking about getting caught or the consequences of what she was starting. it wasn't like shayna to think about the future like that. it was like her to think about the now.
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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1271. notes I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THIS IS MY MOST FAILSOME POST EVER. THE WORD COUNT IS AWFUL AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORK WITH. I APOLOGIZE FOR SERIOUS. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

she was just another

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CONQUEST, DIDN'T CARE WHOSE HEART WAS BROKE
LOVE TO HIM WAS JUST A JOKE .[/size]

a very helpful thing to realize about conor was simply that if you were annoying him in any way, you would know it in a split second. he was not above kicking your ass, hell no. what had to be done would be done. this was probably because he didn't think. he didn't have ideas, he had impulses. as far as he knew, ideas were more of something that was tossed around in your head for awhile, you let it age and get better. conor did that, minus the thinking it over part. whatever came to mind was what went, and that was really the only way he seemed to function. and you couldn't change that. you couldn't make him think otherwise. he just did things the way he did. he did things spontaneously. and even moreso when it came to someone getting all pissy. if you were annoying, you were annoying. and he would kill you for it. maybe not kill you, but he wouldn't take things lightly. he never did either, so really, don't feel bad. a rather large part of him honestly wanted to just explode at shayna again, per usual, but he couldn't really make himself. today he was somewhat off, and there was no doubt that was why he wasn't wringing her neck right now. otherwise he would be. she better milk this, and use it for all it was worth, because conor wasn't doing this shit again. he would be taking care of the bastard who made this so once it was all over. and then there would be no way to even make it happen. that's right. there was a prime example of his easy thoughts. you do something wrong in the slightest, you get slaughtered. and don't worry. it's normal for him. all you need to do is tread lightly, really. shayna didn't, and after a few run-ins here and there, she got the picture. which was great, because he didn't have to kick her ass for whatever she had her desires to do. but today...he couldn't. he was malfunctioning at the moment and he hated it. a lot. if anyone was going to be idiotic and do things on a whim, just leave it to conor please. that was his job here. not someone else. he did it right. he did it with style, and he would strangle shayna if need be. he never did, only because he really just felt as if that would be wrong and horrible, but apparently she was capable. look at her, being all sexy...yeah. innocent. no. what a load of crap. he didn't buy it at this point. if he ever did, it was gone now. did she think he wasn't able to at least take in her moves? yeah. well he was. and he knew it from the beginning. how cliche. but oh conor, how smart you are.  

he was a little surprised at her, just basically disregarding anything he had previously done when she made her moves, when she decided to tell him her opinion on the way he did things—which he never listened to anyway. he didn't take her ideas in. see, conor took the safe route. he "listened" to people, but didn't pay attention, to be honest. if you asked him to repeat the last eighteen years, nothing would happen. he probably didn't pay any attention half of the time. that was why half of the time you had no idea whether or not conor was really being honest with you. there was a higher percent he wasn't, but you could always dream. he knew shayna did. right now, he was hoping she would kind of stop. then again. he didn't really want her to, he was just...obviously confused. he had no idea what to say. maybe he should say something. he should. "uhm. uh. shayna? what are you doing, exactly. i have no idea where you're going. i just kind of...yeah. okay." he mindlessly rambled on when she managed to just tear herself away for all of five seconds. things came out pretty mashed up and after he...innocently asked what she was really doing, he just got back into her stupid kiss, and it was just so messed up. some days he had no idea if he loved her or not. today was not a prime example, no. but other days...he really just wished they could...well. it was him, he knew it. if he could only just stop being so angry and pessimistic all the time, things would certainly be easier. she didn't really do anything. he did everything. and that was the problem, he did everything. or, it was the problem when he took care of everything, in some oddly unconventional way. better yet, in some horribly angry way. mostly the latter. everything was always ridiculously heated between the two of them, and it got difficult to just deal with it? he had no idea where the whole thought of just telling conor what you really thought was spawned from, but that definetly only made the tension even more apparent. if you put together someone so...fragile like shayna, with conor, there was bound to be bumps along the way. especially if the fragile one had issues admitting her fragility, per say. he wasn't complaining though. it was her ass on the line, not his. her problem. and whatever; if she wanted to be all...tough, then fine. or at least try to be. and fail miserably. he liked to think that maybe he did make her come to realize that she should just finally admit it. it being, that he did get a little upset, a little too easily, and with somewhat upsetting consequences. but that was him. and you really didn't stop him. she didn't stop him the very first day. that day, conor was somewhat convinced that they were going to die. and that wouldn't have ended well, to put it simply. that and they hadn't died just yet. but that was conor again. he was horribly pessimistic and it was an unstoppable habit, too. and of course, shayna the eternally happy had her set of issues with him and his doom and gloom. but hey, she was the one who kept pulling back and getting all skiddish. not him. he was just going with the flow, as regrettable as it was. the flow was not conor's friend, to put it simply. since he basically defied every other normal term, why follow the flow? he swam upstream, much like salmon do. conor was a salmon, and shayna was...she was probably the current that metophorically was pushing him the other way. that, or a boulder he ran into while swimming upstream, most notably the one that was too big to get by, thus stopping him. and shortly thereafter, making out with him. which was a prohibited thing between a boulder and a salmon. not only because it was impossible, but because it was wrong. of course. jesus christ, someone had fallen off their rocker today, hadn't they? so obviously, he was officially screwed. no doubt. it all started with him today, too. he just skipped on in here, to shayna's room. and he blurted out stupid nonsense. but oh, he had no idea. there was much worse. that just hadn't occurred yet.

but damn, wasn't someone being a bit daring today. shayna. like said earlier, he never believed the innocence shtick to begin with, but oh, didn't it get better when he realized this conspiracy coming true. talk about selling things. put that shit on the internet and you were in buisness. someone would pick it up, he'd get paid, and she would be exposed, yet he would be left without her in the end. this was because she was a very sensitive girl. all girls were apparently sensitive, but she was on some serious emotional moment when he was around. which did remind him he had siblings somewhere. the thought kind of made him stop a little, but not enough. you'd think he had some ounce of sympathetic happiness there, but no. he was more pissed that his mom had to give birth to three kids, including him. and it was fine, whatever. it was fine if you could even deal with one, one fucking kid that your carelessness created to begin with, but nope. she just kept going, and she just couldn't help herself, and she landed in way too many places. places much like his current living situation, which was quite lovely—sarcasm inserted. maybe it rubbed off and he somehow took that trait from her. or that destiny, even. all he knew was that she was the one to blame. it wasn't his problem. in fact, he was quite happy with his life beforehand. okay. take that back. his life sucked. but he didn't see any invisible anger issues. no no. but when he thought about it today, all there really was...there was really just a reminder that made him realize that if he left, which was highly unlikely, shayna wouldn't be with him anymore. and it did make him sad, and he had admitted it. mostly because he was on such a downer with things, but also just because it was the truth. she knew he was right too. she said no, but he knew it was really yes. he had not set out to find love here. he wound up her rather unwillingly, but with conor everything was unwilling, so that wasn't strange. and with that thought, he kind of just felt out of place. it was shayna. fucking shayna, why him. it just felt like he wasn't exactly worthy. he often did wonder if she needed someone better. she didn't have problems. he had problems. he had a few. he didn't believe them, but after awhile, they pounded it in your head so much, it was hard to think otherwise. saying "fuck you" everytime someone told you a thing you didn't want to hear was not exactly going for him. not unless he had a knife handy. then you really made an impression. but the one thing he couldn't explain, per say, was his aversion to love. yes. it was an aversion. and that was why shayna was damn lucky she got so bitchy and annoying, and he didn't smash her head afterward at that, like he really wanted to. he didn't want to mess with it, honestly, so he just managed to realize her moving all over the place just in time. quite frankly, conor had no idea what to do with himself. he was kind of lost. as she adjusted her placement and posistioning, he tried to take in what the fuck she was doing so he could accurately copy that as well. which he kind of failed to do when he got to it, so instead he just managed to very gingerly put his hand on her leg, where it rightfully should be, as he was a man. he was the male in this situation, so he had to do the things they were apparently supposed to do, right? he thought. he hoped. he did everything, and he just kind of continued kissing her at the same time. which surprised him for one of three reasons, one being that he had never done this type of thing before. two would have been that he was thinking so much he was a little happy that he hadn't gone off and huddled in a corner all miserable. and three...mostly because he was a bit nervous for this whole thing. granted, he didn't know how far it would to, if it went anywhere, but he was concerned he would have nothing to do with himself. much like now, where she was kind of just taking the reigns for once, and he was trying to figure all the shit out. confusing stuff.

when she stopped for just a moment, he was a bit saddened at the thought. for a little, he was somewhat convinced she was just getting worried and stopping completely, which he didn't want; but he knew it was possible. she seemed pretty apprehensive to even get close to him, he had to take care of all of it. he couldn't blame her for being shocked, but she just sat and kept scooting away, yet here they were. conor, the brave one, scrambling to figure out how to handle himself, shayna knowing everything. he was kind of embarassed and felt the need to just blush a little at the thought, but he (barely) safely concealed that one. that was just all he needed. her to see that. never. and there she was, saying he wouldn't be going to canada. tsk tsk, conor knew better. he knew that she had all of that shit planned, and for the sake of him, she was not saying anything. but how wrong was that. telling him to calm down. that happened all of five times in his life, his young one at that. but he wasn't complaining, if she promised it so much that she diluded herself into thinking he shouldn't go to canada, things would work out for him. haha. he always won in the end, ans he had no idea how much he'd have to say it. "but you...you've said at least three times that you would send me to canada, if that was even needed. but sometimes i think you get so pissed for no reason, and then, i end up in boring canada. i don't want to be bored. or live in a boring place. and why do i need to calm down, i'm really only just...new to that type of thing. if you know what i mean. but i'm sorry, i think?" even more lovely rambling from conor, although it should have been expected. at this moment, he wasn't too sure what had broken in his mind, exactly, and he could tell shayna did enjoy this quite a bit—too much in his opinion. not to mention he was pretty confused. he honestly had no idea how to even figure out what she was doing, more or less what she was trying to get to; it scared him a little, not going to lie. of course, he wasn't planning on ending up with a impregnated shayna. he couldn't. that was just...that was mostly idiotic and just fucking stupid. but with the way things were going today, what with talking for all of seven seconds before she decided to "try again", he couldn't say. he started it, sure. he moved a little closer. he did call her sexy, which, you know...could confuse people. so maybe he did, and whatever. he partly enjoyed it. he was, in fact, kissing her back to begin with, he just didn't know how, really. epic failure. conor was quite the epic failure today. hopefully she could just make things easier and have some rush of sensuality, if you will, in which she would just continue making out but actually take care of things herself for once. because he could not do that much longer. for now though, he had no idea. it was better not to worry him, as fun as it was...hah. 

TAG, the sexy shayna. ohyes. LYRICS, conquest by the white stripes WORDS 2583 NOTE, SO, my post fails moree XD DONT WORRY CAUSE IT DOES, OKAY. eew go away secret life of the american teenager >.> OKAY ANYWAY. I WAS SO TIRED WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS AND I JUST GAVE UP FINALLY AT LIKE ONE FIFTY NINE PM CAUSE MAYNARD'S INTERNET CONNECTION JUST POOFED, SRSLY. SO, THE ENDD. BWHAHAA >D CREDIT, image credit to IWILLINSERTNAMEHEREWHENIGETIT XD @caution 2.0.

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