Post by * COURTNEY BRIDGID JAMESON. on Feb 9, 2010 21:04:29 GMT -5
COURTNEY BRIGID JAMESON.
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* FEELS JUST LIKE WE'RE LOSING CONTROL.
and if you let go, then i'll let go tonight.[/center]
TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF.
i'm courtney brigid jameson. i don't really know why my parents named me what they did. courtney pretty much is saying, 'from the court', but i don't like courts and law - to me it's boring. so i guess you could say i don't like where my name 'comes from', but i do like the actual name. i think it sounds nice, and fits me. as for my middle name... i'm a lot irish, which makes sense with my middle name, which is gaelic. it means strong. it's also my great aunt's name, and apparently she and my mom were real close so my mom gave me that middle name. jameson doesn't really have a story behind it. at least, not that i've heard. it's my last name, so it's simple.
"so now that we've settled my name and covered all of it's basis, we have one final bit of ground to cover. nicknames. yes, i have a few. with my friends my name is one of two options. the first option is cj, which nobody really calls me until we're pretty good friends. occasionally, that's how i introduce myself, but then i always end up saying my real name anyway which happens to be option two. option two is courtney, just courtney. don't call me court, i hate it. i mean, i don't hate it, hate it. i can tolerate to some extent, but if i'm angry, calling me court really wouldn't be a good word choice. besides the whole 'court sounds weird to me' reason, it doesn't fit me. i mean, if anything, i think of actual court which just frustrates me all the more than you calling me court in the first place, and really, i don't think me being frustrated at you for two reasons rolled into one is really a good idea. that, and there's also a physical court which people walk all over, and you are not walking all over me, mind you. so now that we're over what not to call me, and what people can call me, why don't we continue?
"i'm seventeen years old, i would be going into my senior year this coming fall, but clearly i can't because i'm no longer in public schooling. i didn't really like it there anyway, but it was better than home and i had friends so i guess it wasn't all bad... i'm young for my graduating class. i was born december 31st which is the cut off for my town so i just made it. i grew up in rush center, kansas. so really, it wasn't my town school that i went to because my town is literally around 180 people which isn't a lot. at all. so for that reason, my town had to join with other towns for schooling, sports, and so on. i guess having a really small town is good for the reason that we can join with other towns and meet new guys. mhmm, i'm interested in the boys, and i like to think they're interested in me too.
"moving on. let's get to looks, shall we? everyone says i look like this girl named brie larson. really, i only know her from that movie about saving the owls. hoot, by... somebody i don't remember. we had to read that book for summer reading in seventh grade. i didn't really like it. when they made a movie about it, my friend made me watch it because she was like, 'cody linley's in it, ooohh'. i don't find him all that attractive, but i guess if you tilt your head a little, squint your eyes, and get him in the right light he could be attractive. could. we're not here to talk about cody though, we're here to talk about me. well, last time i checked we were.
"so i'm kind of in between tall and short. i guess you could say i'm average height? i stand at five five which is a good height if you ask me. me being this height means that i can wear heels without being weirdly tall, and i can go out in flats without being weirdly short. my legs aren't exactly the longest, but i have a pretty long torso to make up for it. i have a fair share of scars too. we'll get into the story behind those later. i also bruise easily, and i'm anemic. i just tied those two together because they're both involving blood somehow. i think. bruises don't look half as bad on me though because i'm not exactly pale. i mean, i'm pale, but not that pale. i also tan pretty easily. i have light freckles on my cheekbones and over my nose. my eyes are, blueish, i guess? hazely? it doesn't really matter 'cause i think they're pretty. they don't completely clash with my blonde hair. my hair, like i said, is blonde and long. it naturally has a slight wave in it, which is why i have a few layers and angles. i straighten my hair a lot though, so the natural wave is kind of pointless. on the underside of my hair i have some dyed black. it's fading a little though - still, i don't think it looks that bad. it works with my natural, light brown highlights in my blonde hair.
"i can be a girly girl if i want to be, but really i stick to jeans, sweats, and whatever else i feel like wearing. my wardrobe consists more of dark clothes rather than light, but i mix it up a little. my nails are pretty long and i usually give myself a french manicure. i love wearing sports jerseys though. my hockey jerseys especially. i'll get into me and hockey later. oh, and sunglasses, i love wearing sunglasses. so there, now you know more about me and what i look like since a picture just isn't enough for you people."
TELL US ABOUT YOUR MEDICAL HISTORY.
[/size][/font]"so you want my history, but not just any history? you want specifics, as in medical, yeah? so, i'm going to go through this hopefully quicker than i wen't through my introduction piece. if you're recording this i might just be able to keep from over doing the tape. you never know though. as you may have already noticed, i tend to ramble quite a bit. i don't really call it anything connected to my medical history, but i figure it's something you might want to know. in my mind i feel like i need to be thorough either in speech or writing. most commonly it's in writing. when i talk i try to my best to be less wordy, but since you're letting me do all of the talking i feel like i need to entertain you and to do that i need to share more of my thoughts that could make you more in tune to how i am. i guess you could say that's a mental state of mind that ties into my medical history? if not, then i'll continue.
"for your sake, i'll say that counts as something 'mental', just to save you from me continuing about it's effects on mankind. really, there aren't effects, just people possibly getting bored listening to me or reading my words. how does this benefit you? it keeps you from thinking i just wasted your time. let's get on to the other 'mental issues' i apparently seem to have. really, i'm not mental. i'm only here because, to make a real long story short (that you'll eventually hear anyway), i have 'anger issues'. i have a short, hot temper and i can't control it, so i get physical. really, i'm an easy person to get along with, but if you get me mad, then i'll get physical. i don't try to, and afterwards (unless i'm still angry), i'll feel guilty. so i lash out at people when they get me mad. they don't see it coming half the time, so they're stuck suffering the consequences. it's not like it's only me yelling either, it's me actually getting in their face. i'll shove 'em, hit 'em, kick 'em, the works. at least i admit it. yeah, i'm stubborn, but i'm not the type of person that denies what i do. the doctors praise me for it. they always say, 'the first step of healing is admitting you have a problem,' which i guess is true except for it's not like an addiction. it's easy to admit this kind of problem because it's so obvious.
"so how does this effect me? let's just say i get thrown into detention more than a lady should. no, i'm not calling myself a lady. ladies don't go out and get into fights during a hockey game. ladies don't even play hockey! then maybe i'm not a lady. ladies don't get into fist fights over somebody saying the wrong words to my face or even behind my back. in this case, my anger problems effect three groups of people. the sorry victims who happen to find all of the wrong words. the authorities who have to deal with me more than they probably like to. then there's me, who has to go through detention and therapy sessions, and all that wonderful stuff that comes along with it. i guess it's not as bad now because the authorities back home, we kind of formed a bond. then me and my pyschiatrist back home formed a bond. we kind of became like friends. obviously not friends because that's inappropriate, but we had the relationship where we'd treat eachother like family friends. there, that's better wording. so back home it wasn't that much of an issue. well, it was, but they knew how to handle me there. when they decided to finally relieve me of my home life, they made the poor call of sending me here to alkaline. the administrators and doctors here don't know how to deal with me, so i don't trust them that much and we don't mesh. let's just say this might take some time...
"woah, more issues. these are just some medical things that kind of suck to talk about. well, i don't really care to talk about them or not, but they're just more useless jabber of mine that you might find very useful. so, i mentioned before i bruise easily and i'm anemic. bruising easily is just annoying because it's real obvious about when i take a wrong step or my temper flares. if the person who got me mad fights back then it'll most likely show. i'm also anemic. i get dizzy, light headed, pass out, my skin is cold to the touch, and i have shortness of breath sometimes. yeah, i have all of that plus anger and blabbiness problems. it's quite the party. kind of sucks when i play sports, but it's not as bad as i guess it could be. i know i'm how i am, but like, it doesn't strike me fast enough for me to do anything about it. so i don't realize i'm physical until after it's gets rolling, and then with anemia i try to ignore it and it doesn't effect me much. i do kind of hyperventalate when i'm pushed over the edge with fear or nerves (which is rare), which doesn't really tie in with the anemia bit. and then the rambliness... i realize i do it, but then by that time i'm already mid thought which generally requires more explanation so i have to keep going before i cut myself short. so, like i said, it's not like i'm going around murdering anyone or practically dropping dead myself every forty seconds."
HOW CAN WE ACCOMODATE YOU BETTER?
[/size][/font]"i'm going to try real hard not to get too verbose in this. ooh, verbose - that was a vocab word from a few years back. well, i have a really good memory... about really random things. if you tell me to rattle off what happened june 4th, 2002. yeah, i wouldn't be able to do that, but if you tell me that on that date you bought a new car, i'd remember that. i notice little things just because i think it's awesome when people who are spies or something can look in a room, walk away and then rattle off every little detail, even after the room's been destroyed. so when i'm paying attention i can remember a lot which can be a good thing and a bad thing. here, i'll give you an actual example. may 23rd, 2009, i met my two best guy friends who happen to live somewhat far away. that night we were hanging out at the beach and one of those boys were wearing a green sweatshirt. we played games on his i-touch until around two a.m. before we were forced to go back. so see, the random facts i know are his sweatshirt color, the date, i even know the games, but i spared you those details. i guess that's one of the more unique qualities. granted, i know there are people who can remember any given date they were alive.
"you could guess this means i hold grudges. really, i don't. as i explained before i have anger problems. i get aggresive, and i'll get into reasoning behind that later. everything's just going to get pushed later and later, so you best have some patience. i was talking about grudges though, so let's try to keep me on topic. that's another thing i do besides ramble, i easily get distracted for a second then i go back. sure, that was longer than a second, but now i'm remembering what i was talking about originally (see, it comes in handy). grudges. when i remember something from the past that gets me angry, i just get angry in a calm way. for example, i may be hanging out with an ex boyfriend and remember how he cheated on me (i don't know why i'd hang out with someone who did that), but i wouldn't lash out at him for that. i'm always trying to move forward and not get caught on the past. so you see, i have remarkable self control... when i want. really, i only lose it when you get me angry.
"hockey was a wondeful sport for me, but of course i can't play it while i'm here. now, how does this attach to anger? no, i don't just jump around. in one way or another i try to have things connect. it attaches because it was an easy way to get my anger out and forget. i'm really bad at forgetting, but when i'm on the ice, it's all gone. it's me, the ice, the puck, my team. now, i get mad if there's a bad call, but when i'm on the ice, i don't attack the ref. i actually just take it out by playing all the better. give me a distraction like that and you could've potentially saved your life. this tactic doesn't always prove to be helpful during hockey if there's a girl just trying to provoke me. in that case, i'll get into a fight. good ol' hockey fights, who doesn't love 'em, especially between girls? i mean, i've gotten taken out of games before, but it's not as extreme as it could be.
"i guess that says a lot about me in that little spiel. if you didn't get anything out of that, i'll sum it up. i do have some self control whether you know it or not. i'm also really determined and work hard at things i love to do. i'm also pretty confident and it takes a lot to shake me. i perservere through a lot of things. what i set my mind to, i plan on finishing. i may start things, but i don't object to taking a step back. i try my best to cooperate if i can help it, which ties into the self control. i act on impulse. i don't really think twice, and sometimes i don't even think once. i usually live in the moment and thinking is too much of a precaution. i guess it could be a smart move, but i rarely make it. i'm real smart too (except for occasionally lashing out). all of this is hidden in that hockey speech i gave, if you just go back and look.
"i'm not going to give you a list of things i like and don't like, you'll just have to figure that out. i will continue going on though, about how i'm not difficult to please. sure, i get nit picky about certain things, but really, i don't care all that much. simple mind, simple pleasures. no, i don't have a simple mind in the sense that i'm stupid, i have a simple mind in that i see the world easily. i don't see the world in black and white, but i just find simplicity in things people find complicated. i'm the type that's all for the, 'let them work it out themselves'. i mean, i'm willing to help, but i'm not going to step in and get involved unless i feel obligated to do so. i guess you could call me lazy, uncaring, and all of this other stuff that wouldn't be true, because really, it wouldn't be true. i just feel like by stepping in you're not helping the cause if your help isn't wanted. if anything, you're causing more trouble. besides my fights, i try to stay out of trouble. it wasn't always like that though, and i'll get to that later as with a lot of other things.
"i'm a real easy person to get along with, i think anyway. i mean, yeah, i do tend to talk a lot, but i'm really outgoing and i love to have fun. i always come up with the random, fun, possibly childish ideas. i'm pretty bubbly and nice. i'm going to get along with you unless you prove to me that i shouldn't bother. i'm a good listener, and shockingly enough, i'm good at keeping secrets. sure, i'll put in some unwanted two cents every now and then, but i'm one that speaks my mind quite often and gives my opinion regardless of whether it's wanted or not. okay, that's a bit of a lie. if i like you, i'll be good, or try to be. i'll just be myself. take notice of this warning. realize i said 'that's a bit of a lie' because i'm an impulsive liar. well, i made that term up. pretty much i lie a lot because, like i said, i don't often think about what i say or do until it's too late. so it happens out of pure instinct. i guess you could say compulsive, but i just call it impulsive. it makes me sound less... bad? but see, it's not that bad really because afterwards, when i realize what i've done, i'll say, 'that's a lie,' so you can't nab me for it because technically i told the truth. my philosophy is once the lie is identified, it's not really a lie. that makes me sound hypocritical because if somebody pulled that on me, i'd probably get angry.
"so where'd i get so angry? i'll explain that later too. for now though, i'll just say that it's greatly influenced by my dad. it's because of my dad, i don't drink. sure, i'm underaged anyway, but please. people drinnk underaged all the time. it's because of my dad that i don't drink, and i guess i get my anger from him. he has a bad temper, and his temper with a drink is like hell on earth. i guess it got to the point with him that i just had to fight back. i mean, i've always had a short temper, but rarely got physical until he pushed me over the edge. now it's just a terrible force of habbit. what can i say to that that you don't already know? it's a secret. i guess i'll just tell you that my deepest fear is a secret. it sounds kind of stupid. i'm afraid of alcohol, not just any alcohol. i'm not like, 'ooh, there's a bottle of wine, hide.' no, i'm afraid when people start drinking because of my dad. my dad happens to be the second half of that fear. i'm afraid of my dad when he's drunk. so i'm afraid of my drunk dad, and drunk people in general. i don't like it when authority figures have alcohol or drugs in their possesion. also, i'm afraid of the doctors here. doctors in general actually. i don't mind talking to them, but once they pull out the meds, i'm afraid. well, not afraid, just nervous. and there's one last fear i'm willing to admit. i'm absolutely terrified of the dark. i love night time, but hate the dark. i know it sounds strange. i can love night which is dark, but then i'm afraid of the dark too? kind of defeats the purpose of liking night time. see, i'm a little hypocritical of that. i'm aware of most of my faults though, so you can't say i'm something i know i'm not. i know myself too well for that, or at least... i hope i do."
TELL US ABOUT YOUR PAST.
[/size][/font]"so here we go. my history. let me just tell you now before you get all confused. i understand that with all of your other questions i've been overly thorough, but my history is something i don't like to talk about, not many know it. so i'm going to keep this real simple. like, real, real, real simple. my mom died when i was seven. my dad got all depressed and became an alcoholic. he would grab me and shake me. i'd go to school with bruises, and i'd be too scared to answer any questions from the teachers. so they let me be. as i got older the abuse got worse. when i was thirteen and he was drunk i accidentally said the wrong thing and he threw a vase at the wall next to me and i got a few shards of glass in me which gave me some scars. at fourteen he got me in the car, while drunk, and was driving, giving me this long lecture about something that didn't apply to me (i never learned where we were going) and we got in a car crash. yet more scars from that. my dad was a great guy when he was sober which wasn't exactly often. he picked up a glass too often for his own good and when i was fourteen i got so scared i ran.
"it was on the news, making headlines. i was gone for quite some time until somebody found me and sent me back home. they did some investigating and the pulled me from my home and sent me to live with my grandma. it's all been good since then. sometimes he comes knocking on her door which is also in rush center. when that happened i'd lock myself in my room and wait until my grandad or nana would come and tell me he was gone then i'd feel safe again. of course by that time, my anger issues had been discovered. the night i ran away was the first time i ever fought back to my dad. that night was the pinacle i guess. there's only so much an abused child can take after all. i had to take care of myself a lot, and i spent most of my free time at friends or something because i was scared and then one day i had enough.
"now what makes me so bright like i am? hockey. i've been playing since i was five. my dad thought that it'd be good for me, and i loved it. my mom wished for a more 'girly' girl, but she wasn't complaining. she liked me happy. so hockey was my safe haven. out on the ice no one could touch me. i also have some really great friends. i'm sure you're wondering at this point, how'd you manage to get locked up in here? well, one night my fighting got over the top and the town sheriff thought it'd be best to send me here. by that time we'd see eachother at least once a week for one reason or another. he thought that it was too extensive on my record and he said it wouldn't look good for school (even though my grades were amazing). so he said he'd clear some stuff if i cooperated. i know it's against the law to tamper, so don't go telling anyone, please?
"i'm done talking about my past. that was mighty short compared to the rest."
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
[/size][/font]"i think i'll spare you from further discussion."
THE MASTERMIND BEHIND IT ALL.
[/size][/font]hey, my name is ALICE.[/color] i have MY FAVOURITE[/color] tracks spinning on my record. this is my FOURTH[/color] character. i have been roleplaying for A FEW YEARS[/color]. the password is ADMIN EDIT[/color].[/font][/size]
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check out jessica anne rexing, leah may parker, or nicholas adam pascale.
