DONT WALK AWAY */

[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

*show how you wanted it to be
I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, OUT OF HER HEAD SHE SAID ---

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okay, to be honest, maybe conor did have a bit of an ego complex, or...an attitude. shudder. but what else could you really expect; he was in here.. he was a person with anger issues, yep. but what happened when you were stuck with him...and he wasn't totally pissed at your guts. well, that was it. he was a bastard and he annoyed you, and he acted possibly like he knew everything, or, like he just told shayna, like he was god. no, wait. he didn't go that far. but here lies the issue. shayna, she had no excuse. truth be told conor forgot she ever was depressed half of the time, and as far as he knew, there was no angry side effect of whatever she had going on. so she needed to stop telling him whatever the hell she thought was...important, because honestly, that was conor's job. oh yes it was, and he would admit it, right now. and at the moment, he would gladly walk out of there, but no, the issue arose once again, not only was he pretty damn sure there was a good chance shayna would cling and try to beg forgiveness, follow after him, or most likely, act cocky and pretend as if nothing was wrong, she wasn't afraid of the dark (what the heck that was for, he would never know) and she didn't looove conor, but she did. she did all of those things. and he would be away from her, and she would cry all day long, and blah blah blah. maybe this was too ideal, it really probably was. but conor would just love this. he would embrace the moment he won, she lost, she admitted how helpless she was. yep. oh, happy days. he would be waiting. and actually, he probably could leave right now. it wasn't like he didn't have a knife, right? okay, well. shayna told him not to use it. WHAT the fuck? she really was god. jedi mind trick, all over again. he didn't want any of it. she did strange things with his ideas and opinions, like the first day they ever really engaged in a conversation...well, that was exciting. she totally did something. she was a psychic of some sort, it was true. she made him feel like she was just great. when in reality, she whined a lot and pretended to care, and also like on their first official day of...talking, to eachother, she was the epitome of some spoiled rich person who really had no fucking idea what it was like to be taken down a few notches, and he considered this his duty. but then again, he needed to learn this lesson too. when you were stuck here for, seemingly forever- things seemed pretty invincible, if you know what i mean. well, you had some depressed people who were suicidal, and then you had those wimps who thought they were bad ass, but alas. they never would be, and he was the bearer of bad news for them, oh yes he was. and hey, conor took pride in this. he was a bastard. easy. simple, just don't say it to his face, shh. in his mind it's 'just being honest' but it isn't. when you take honest to a whole new, brutal, snappy, and possibly even bitchy level, you reach his height, or go down to his depths. yep. he was just great, and he was just like shayna. not. she needed to learn how to defend herself like that, though. then maybe she wouldn't be so easy to play with and push around, which, honestly, conor was doing mentally right now. ha. haha. he won. like always.

when you had an ego problem, you were god. let's start from the beginning here. in conor's very, very estranged, derranged, and insane mind, god was another word for 'self centered egotistical invisible friend' hence, to the average person, their rants and please-do-not-swear-at-me-conor-sterling-s were just being god. like god was, they were very inflated in their own minds, and everyone worshipped them mindlessly. yeah, and this was especially acurate with our friend shayna here, in her little singing career, with all the tweenie boppers falling in love with someone they never met, someone they had no idea was in a mental asylum, someone who had no idea she was in love with conor (and not you so HA) and most importantly, someone who knew nothing about her sometimes overbearing and irritating episodes and personality. to be honest, conor never bought the innocence plea, or then again. he did, until she decided to pretend she was a tough cookie and say she did not need help or protection from anything, because she was tough, hahaha. yeah. thinking about it made him laugh a bit. whoops. well, whatever. shayna equaled a big superiority complex, and inflated self-image, and most importantly, conor's version of god. the end. it was easy to understand, really. "oh, but shayna, you did. and i'm not even going to go there, the whole...uh, philosophy is tiring."

[/color] or maybe because he just ranted it all in his mind, like always. instead of saying it to her, he kept it PG, or maybe PG-13, because he didn't feel like dealing with the pms shayna again.. it got very, very exhausting, and he didn't really know how to deal with it, other than to risk another conor explosion thingy, or just to plop her outside the cell and pretend that she escaped, possibly making a very big shebang ensue. ohh, sounds tempting. too much so. but yeah, that'd be what he would do. he was so creative. "HAAAA. you're just so funny,"[/color] he sighed, a happy one. she was. attitude, as if. maybe he admitted to it earlier, but he was never too sure if it was true or not. and what shayna said just depleted the points that made it so even more. oh, jesus. "because that's not an attitude, fuck. that's nothing. you've seen the something and i'd assume you do not want to again."[/color] this something in particular was of course his little self destruct moment on that fateful first day. so many exciting things happened then, god. as in the very average shayna fashion, of course she pretended it did not disturb, scare, or possibly shake her, but he knew. and he regretted it, but still. he knew. she was so easy to read, it was pathetic. "but hey, if you think i've got some mythical attitude, i'm just fine shutting up and leaving your godliness alone, okay? i have plenty of better things to do with my time here..."[/color] jesus christ, self control was a very foreign concept in conor's notorious mind, he had none. as far as he knew, that was. he really didn't practice the idea of treating others as you liked to be treated, because honestly, no one gave him shit. and he was just fine with this lifestyle, if you will. so he was just milking it with shayna. he loved to do it. she was so funny when she was floundering and flustered about every little thing, it was kind of cute. silly. so if she had a little pouty fit thing, he was just fine, like said. he really was.

see, to conor, video games were love. whatever you had. okay well, maybe not whatever, he wasn't in love with...whatever the hell there was out there, and even though shayna really couldn't think otherwise, you did not have to be of the male gender to like said video games, but she was just too afraid to break the mold, if you will. of course. ugh, shayna. and primitive. ahh. no. that was a load, a load of shit. he was not really getting how they were so barbaric, it was a fictional world, being, and animal race, for god's sake, she was bizzare. but then again, she really knew nothing about pokemon, and he was not feeling like her battle was a worthy one, because of her mediocrity. yep. pokemon were cuddly, they lived in poke balls, every so often there were strange ones, but they were damn fuzzy and cute and all that good stuff. but she knew nothing, so there. hmph. "if you want happiness and joy and things like that, i really have no idea why you say you love me. unofficially."[/color] it was true. if you wanted innocent and naive things, be in love with someone else, hell, there were a ton of people, she had talked to them, and she had invited them to her room, but this was all to just ruffle his feathers, which were rarely out of place. and he never fell for it. or maybe he did, fine. but anyway, that's not the point of what he said, so... "and they're not primitive, shayna, what the hell. i have no idea what you're talking about,"[/color] he was just being honest, he did not. like said earlier; far from primitive, far far away. a stretch, really. she'd learn soon, he hoped. "i mean, they are FLUFFY,"[/color] he stressed the last word, shaking the gameboy in her face. these things he took very seriously, you do not mess with them if you expect to get of here alive. word. "and you were the one who called them 'not real' so, i have no idea why you pretend catching things and using them to fight other things is a dastardly thing. i'm not creating mortal combat here."[/color] that's all he really had to say on the matter of her thoughts on the greatness and innocence of pokemon. as usual, he wasn't really ready to brace himself for that inveitable wave of...mood swingy-ness and try to make her calm down or be the normal shayna. then again, who the fuck was he to criticize her moodiness, that was conor all the way. he was the snappiest, most agressive, most...snarky thing there really was, and this was why he completed shayna, and she completed him. yeah, it was that simple. not. and yeah yeah, her guitar, can i get a whoop whoop? the thing a million tweenie would die to own...sigh. to think he hated her at one, great time in his life. "yep. well a guitar can't catch a giratina."[/color] he said. you could almost hear the smirk in his voice, not that she would ever even understand. he didn't even honestly expect her to understand the gravity of the situation. giratina was the legendary pokemon on the box of platinum! and it was an honor to own one, yes it was...but once again. she would never understand and would never be able to do something so prestigious and challenging.

they were stuck in a cell together and although it seemed highly unlikely that shayna would understand or even want to learn these things, which conor had already noticed was becoming apparent and, of course she didn't think it was something the female race could do, well fuck...you could. definetly. pokemon doesn't discriminate what so ever, and he was not to going to pretend it did. but conor being conor, well...he would never turn down a chance to rant, praise, or glorify pokemon. because it deserved it. oh, he was such a complete and utter noob. that's something. it was really decieving how he was a nerd with a mental disease, most people were confused. and this was why he was special. well, there's a good word. special, conor fucking special sterling. of course. "i seriously doubt you'll fully grasp the situation,"[/color] he started. ohh boy. this would be damn fun. "i'll try to make it be so that isn't so. i can also tell you're bored out of your mind so i'm just gonna start with the species and keep it all abridged. okay? okay."[/color] well. being honest. just brace yourself. there were many branches with this, all the types, the species, flying types changed everything, they were immune to ground which made things difficult. yeah, well. let's start now. "OKAY, well. keeping this simple, the species of pokemon are basically just like animal groups, but it gets even smaller when you bring in types and subtypes...and don't forget first and secondary types..."[/color] and so it begins. she had to soak this all in, or she was screwed. not the she cared, or he himself cared either, really. he probably did more than her, though. well. it'd be funny to see her just push things helplessly, that's what people who did not pay attention got.

TAG  shayna bby. WORDS 2187 LYRICS everlong by the foo fighters NOTES ASLDJDHX. WORDZ ARE TOO MANEH. ugh. this is a failboatz though cause, i was watching supernatural during this :33 which is epic so far. and i was also watching nine inch nails live during the commericials. so i was very distracted. and i totezz shamelessy plugged my pokemon knowledge and skills throughout this whoooole thing. BUT CHYEAHH ENJOY BBS~
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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- i'll be there when you close your eyes ,.

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( HOLD YOU TIGHT, SAY GOODNIGHT )[/center]

shayna had this problem with being clingy, and then apply that into the belief she had that all relationship were supposed to be fairytale-esque, and problems were created. she saw things and people stereotypically, like any girl would had they been homeschooled and obtained a social life from movies and books. but anyway. shayna had high hopes for her relationship with conor, and those hopes were false and her expectations were just too high. a lot of the time, she didn't doubt their affection for each other, even if conor didn't like to show it. she understood that he loved her even if he didn't like to show it. and she hoped that he understood how she needed some kind of affection to actually feel loved. she hated that conor wasn't like that, but at the same time, she didn't really mind. she would have liked to willingly cuddle with him, and in some moments, he actually gave in slightly. but just barely. and it was more out of lack of energy to protest than actually wanting to. she wanted to hold his hand, but that was practically about as forbidden as anything else seemed. she thought of conor as her knight in shining armor, even though he wasn't as noble or gentlemanly as a knight seemed. she still loved him though, every inch of him from his lack of sanity to the mess of hair on his head. despite his less than affectionate ways, he still managed to be charming, in an aggressive, kind of way. even though his pokemon ramble or his tantrums, she often found herself not listening to him and just kind of getting lose with her imagination. like now, for instance. why listen to the rules of pokemon when you could fantasize over fantasy relationships and such things? that was just shayna being hopelessly naive as ever. and more than anyone, conor knew that's how she was. he called her out on it frequently. well if you weren't so naive, was often coming from his lips. but she could easily have contradicted him. how was she the naive one if she wanted to make this relationship work? if she wanted to be more than just the couple who runs around arguing. they didn't do anything. ever. the closest she ever got to him was the occasional hug he'd offer if he made her feel bad (like super occasional), or the one sided cuddling, like at the moment in time, where she was just snuggled up to his side while he focused on his game.

better things to do with his time? oh please. she couldn't even resist the urge to roll her eyes at him and scoff slightly. okay, so what then, did his genius have to do if she didn't pay any attention to him? what could he possibly do? it would only be a matter of time before the batteries in the gameboy died out. there was no light (but that wasn't something she wanted to think about). there was a bed and four walls and a door that was locked from the outside. they could sleep, but she doubted he would even want to sleep in the same bed as her, because for some reason, the idea was repulsive to him. however, she was not giving up the bed, so he was going to have to man up and take the floor, or man up and accept the closeness. but she seriously didn't know what better things he had to do. pokemon would be dead soon. that was all he had. he could sit there and twiddle his thumbs but that wasn't time well spent. "so when you decide to leave my godliness alone, what exactly will you do with yourself? the room is hardly bigger than ten by ten, the batteries in that thing are going to die sooner or later, and we could be in here for days. so you just let me know when you figure out your new source for entertainment."

[/color] okay so yeah, she sounded kind of bitter and offended, but that's because she was shayna, and that meant she was stubborn. she didn't want to hear that he would find somethint better to do. and by that thing, she entirely meant the gameboy. she was seriously interested in what he would decide to do with himself, because if they were in there for days, like she assumed they would be, he would give in eventually. he would cave at some point, and have to at least pretend to be interested. it was kind of the only choice he had, or the only one she saw at least. was it so bad that she just wanted him to at least act like he loved her?

there were so many people she could have chosen to fall in love with. she could have fallen for any other patient in the asylum, or she could have waited until she met someone outside of the asylum. she could have met someone in the fame industry, or someone in australia, where she planned to go once she was released. there had been so many chances and options, but some how, someone or something had wanted her with conor, because they stuck her in the infirmary the same moment as him. and that same high power gave her the courage to stick it out and endure him for that first day. once that brutality had passed, falling head over heels hadn't really been that hard to do at all. she could have found someone who didn't have the anger issues, or someone who didn't carry around a knife. she knew conor wasn't exactly good for her, but he felt right. what was so bad about that? she didn't want anyone else. she didn't want to love anyone else and she didn't want anyone else loving her. "well what's wrong with loving you? unofficially? why can't loving you unofficially make me happy? i don't have a problem being with you. you make me happy whether you intend to or not. so just. just accept it, alright?"[/color] ugh. that was another frustrating thing. he couldn't just be happy. no, there had to be some problem, or issue, or negative thing. there were always questions and issues and it was ridiculous. they could easily just be a nice little happy couple. they could be so freaking adorable that other people wanted to sabotage what they shared. but nope, it had to be the other way around. most of the time they were fighting so much that people thought they were either married, or hated each other bitterly. neither was the case though. obviously, they weren't married. and less obviously, they didn't hate each other. at least, she felt the opposite. she wasn't too sure about him though. yeah, she said he loved her. sometimes. but he never proved it. it was enough to drive her utterly mad sometimes.

wait, mortal combat? what was he talking about? girantina? like hell she knew what that meant. for a moment, she was totally lost, but as she was brought out of her train of thought, she remembered that he had been attempting to teach her how to learn the game of pokemon. she was by far the worst student ever. not only did she not really care, but she wasn't paying attention at all. had he started asking her questions about what he just said, she would have been fucked. she wasn't listening, she didn't care, but at the same time she kind of did. if conor could do it, so could she, right? she just lacked that level of interest in the matter. okay, okay. species and animal groups and sublevels. what the hell. she hadn't exactly mastered human biology, let alone pokemon, a fictional species. she was just going to go along with it and see where that got her. she had never been much of a liar or a faker, but she was going to test her acting skills. she could act like she was interested, and perhaps eventually she could distract him from the game. fat chance, though. if she got lucky, the batteries would run out, but then again, that would leave her in the dark. she was seriously hoping that when that time came, he wasn't going to be a dick and leave her to sit there alone in her fears. she hoped he would at least try to comfort her, but they both knew he didn't respect her fear of the dark. oh conor. "okay, okay, so. there's animal group-like things. with types and subtypes and secondary types? i'm not bored, i'm just trying to grasp a concept that i've never even considered before."[/color] that was a tad bit of a lie. she wasn't trying to grasp anything at all. she wasn't even putting any effort into learning. it was more or less going into her ability to pretend that she was. so she sat there, with her head on his shoulder and her body kept close to his, she was just kind of trying to enjoy the time she had to act like a couple that wasn't locked in a detention room. like he wasn't full of anger issues or she wasn't clinically 'depressed.' she just wanted, well, she didn't know. something more. it was the first time shayna would have ever described herself as greedy.

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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1610. notes OMG IM SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

*show how you wanted it to be
I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, OUT OF HER HEAD SHE SAID ---

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what shayna said didn't really scare him, per say, or make him sad, or anything of that sort, no. it really just made him think. think, as in, for once possibly coming the conclusion that he was wrong and she was not exactly right, but you know...had a point. he was never afraid to admit he could be an insensitive bastard, no. he knew he was and that was something you or anyone else was going to have to deal with and not be like shayna- overreacting to the small things, in conor's mind. because in his mind, these moments were just a part of him that you needed to realize were a given and probably would never go away, since he never had any desire to make it so. that and he just didn't know how. but honestly, in secret, shayna was another story. maybe before her- wait. nevermind. well, maybe before her he didn't give a fuck, not once, but after all of this there were of course second thoughts, he really would be regretting it his whole life if he did end up being the one to ruin everything that, truth be told, felt like it took forever to finally happen on both ends. so if he fucked it all up and made shayna even more upset than a normal day, well...he really, for once may not be able to forgive himself for something like that. okay, that was maybe a bit far fetched, but something close. all he knew is his time here would be inexplicably boring and uneventful, because so far, with shayna in his life, many many lovely things had happened that made his moments here priceless. not to mention she had saved his ass a decent amount of times, he wouldn't lie. and on a number of ocassions her company was, somewhat, invaluable. although there were those times- more than once, mind you- where she annoyed the hell out of him, but then again, thee things happened in couples, just between conor and shayna more so than others. so much so, that people often reccommended they get married, which at the time seemed highly unlikely, but apparently they did argure much more than any married couple. to this, all conor really ever had to say was shit, but he could dream otherwise. not that he did not love shayna, oh he did. he just had a penchant for keeping the sweet emotions of life a bit less visible to the naked eye, shayna's included, and of course no one was getting married anytime soon, especially those two. she loved him and he certainly knew it, and after her whole speech which he was still musing with in his head, well. he didn't know what to think. she was basically begging him to just love her and show it. he got the former done, which he was pretty sure she knew after their exciting moment (or half hour maybe) on the roof, as much as he hated bringing it up. he was the one who asked how they both felt, he was the one who had a stomach and was able to actually ask the fucking question of 'shayna, do you love me like i do' or blah blah blah. she, on the other hand, never asked and if she did, conor was damn sure she would have been quite awhile.

conor did have better things to do. or...he did. well, to be safe he had to check. momentarily digging through whatever pocket space there was left...ah, yes. there it was, a familiar cold lump, his ipod which was actually ridiculously close to dying, ugh. that'd mean he would need to deal with shayna for god knew how long, because to be honest she was right,days. he could be in here for days. not to say what shayna did was a trifiling little offense, but she stole something from an office, a gambeboy no less. it was not some weapon of mass destruction, as far as he was concerned that's why he had the knife. conor just told some type of authority to go and suck it. which was not very exciting or riveting or even punishment-worthy in his mind, but it was too late for that. the over sensitive emplyees apparently thought so and there was no fixing it. not that he would have changed his mind at all, just another ocassion of win to go in his hall of fame. some, like shayna, would say shame, but many others here agreed, being sent here, for however long, was a very grandeose time in your experience, and he may have told shayna this along with a 'kudos,' but alas, she decided to bitch again. this time what she said meant the same thing; conor-sterling-you-better-pay-attention-to-me-because-that-stupid-game-is-all-fake. yes, that was her modus operandi,or mode of operation. he was not suprised whatsoever. you came to expect these things the very first day you agreed to fall madly in love with someone famous. she was just used to people worshipping her, who could blame her for that? conor on the other hand, did not worship anyone and really didn't fancy her quite frequent bitchy moments which she quickly apologized for anyway. mmn, he always won. it was that simple. thus, her rant was just another shayna-esque thing you had to learn to appreciate, and when you were conor it was awfully easy to do so. "you're cute, when you get all angry. i love your attempts."

[/color] for amoment he wanted to ask if that qualified as a love statement, but he realized that it really just was a little conor-esque quip, which just like shayna's moments, needed to learn to be appreciated. "when this runs out, the batteries will die, obviously. and when the batteries die, there will be absolutely no light, causing you, the one who is afraid of the dark, to completely go into shock. which will happen, trust me. and then..."[/color] he sighed, thinking it over, closing the lid for a few minutes and leaving it, showing her an example of what would soon happen. or he thought so. "it'll be just like this, except i'll be the only one on this bed and you will be sitting on the floor, just like you are now, in fact, with some type of catatonic expression on your face. the end."[/color] he smiled happily, overjoyed with his work, opening the little box up again and releasing more obnoxiously bright illumination, returning his gaze to the somewhat small screen filled with things to do. it'd be just as fun without this on, too.


and this was why shayna completed him, she was so fun when she floundered around and tried to defy him. he obviously had the upper hand in the relationship, and this was not biased nor because of his somewhat large ego, (which was getting bigger everyday) it was just him. he thought she was hilarious in all her silly little attempts at confusing him. but, scratch that, she did, and too much. just like now, the minute he was plopped into that cell she was seemingly infatuated. but no, her fickle, so-called quick witted personality told her otherwise, something along the lines of being a bitch all over again and annoying him quite a bit. so, he just put up with it. or, tried to block it out somewhat sucessfully and was busy fighting a gym leader all the while. she should not have stolen it for him, seriously. she was being somewhat neglected and didn't notice, hence the possibility of this thing dying horrified him, not only because he was afraid he wouldn't have saved at the right time beforehand, but also because he actually was not too sure what to do from then on. that's not to say he didn't mind talking to shayna, so as long as she decided to stay normal, happy shayna. this was the shayna that completed him, not the bastard one. then she was just conor in female form, yep. and this was why he loved her, although there was another reason he just wasn't too sure about. and this was also why he had no idea how to reply to her almost sad, romantice-movie-climax-statement, not to mention it took him aback a sizeable amount. enough to distract him from the seviper he had just caught. he could almost feel the dazed, somewhat lost expresion threatening to splatter itself across his face. hmm. what did you say to something like that? what did you say, without spilling your guts in a similar fashion? "okay."[/color] he said in a clipped tone, biting his lip a little and avoiding staring at her cluelessly. that was all he knew to say right now. okay. he did need to accept it. he had already, but...he honestly had no idea if he could be all affectionate like she kept asking for. dilemmas, sigh. but apparently she didn't get what he said. he never really hinted at loving him being a bad thing, not at all, he just had no idea why she would pick him out of everyone. he couldn't really blame her, she never really delved deep into his issues or her own, for that matter, but if she honestly wanted someone all snuggly then maybe he was not the best idea, or certainly not number one. "i never said that, i just mean...i mean that if you like someone who is more emotional than i'm seriously the wrong person, i thought you understood though. that's all."[/color] he said and continued with the game, really not paying attention to it and stealing quick glances at her reactions. he wasn't lying, he was being truthful, he just had no idea what she'd say. hopefully nothing in an upset tone, like he did. yes, he basically sounded a little confused or turned off, and it wasn't her, he was just...well, confused.

so when she swiftly changed the subject, from herself and his entertainment to love and unoffical love all the way to pokemon, he was still confused and kind of out of it all, but after a short 'uhh' like noise and a somewhat shocking entrance to the present time, he continued on with his lecture of pokemon and the types that won over others. and she was bored. he hadn't figured out what she had against admitting it. okay, she maybe did not want to anger him,but he wouldn't really blow up over that, the first day was another issue entirely and had nothing to do with his pokemon knowledge and someone else's, or lack thereof, but whatever. if she was going to pretend like she cared, he would just go on forever, there was no doubt in his mind he would be able to. "uh-huh. exactly. and then, you have the actual types of types, if that makes any sense, and some of them are easy, like water beats fire and ice beats fire and blah blah. but then."[/color] he paused with dramatic effect. oh, conor. "after that there's how bug is super-effective against psychic and how dragon is really good against steel, or how poison sucks against ground, and...well. you get it now. i think."[/color] he cut himself off before he went full on pokemon type ramble. that could get boring. and he probably would forget a few, and how would his exsistence even continue to thrive if that happened? "yeahh. it's nothing special, it's not like square roots and all those great things. but, pokemon is special, so."[/color] he hated math. math could go fuck itself or possibly die in a fire, his favorite phrase to express hatrid. which, he didn't have for shayna, honestly, she was just taking it out of proportions and twisting it until she saw fit. he just wasn't sure why she chose him out of all the people out there he was damn sure would be fine falling in love for her, or vice versa.

TAG shayna bby. WORDS 2062 LYRICS everlong by the foo fighters NOTES HAY LOOK, IT'S A LITTLE OVER 2 THOUSAND NOT 1939243 HUNDRED! yeah, sorry XP i rambled and it's crappy but i had too much on my mind with tomorrow and everything D: but LAWL, OMFG LOOK AT THIS, SRSLY. i was looking up pokemon things for my gameee (WTFIDOTHATKTHNX) and i just somehow got into finding this and he reminds me of conor as a pokemon XD CONOR'S A PRIMEAPE LULZLULZ and then liek, shayna is the unsuspecting ash >.> mwhahaaa. yeah. sorry XP[/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- i'll be there when you close your eyes ,.

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( HOLD YOU TIGHT, SAY GOODNIGHT )[/center]

any outside source would probably think that shayna and conor were the worst couple in the history of forever, if you could even call them a couple. no couple could even compare. how they managed to survive each other, remain in love, and not kill each other was an absolutely mystery. shayna wouldn't actually hurt him physically, ever. no, she preferred to play mind games. it was much easier to make him second guess himself (which happened extremely rarely) than to actually try and take him down. for him, he just had to threaten her once and she was back in her place. no, their relationship wasn't healthy at all. but it worked for them. they operated well together, in a masochistic, strange kind of way. they complemented each other, acting as opposites just enough to complete each other. however, the terms boyfriend and girlfriend were never used, nor were they ever expected to be. they were unofficially official, and that's how it had always been and always would be. there were no labels to decipher what kind of relationship they had, and any outside who didn't know them would think they hated each other passionately, because that's simply how they acted. most of the time, they were at each other's throats. or more or less, conor was the one threatening shayna with violence, and shayna was the one saying how he was all talk. they were too stubborn together. she was too set on being able to be affectionate and he was too set on the exact opposite. there was no way anyone from the outside would even be able to tell they were emotionally involved. conor didn't even show much affective in private, let alone in public where god forbid, peope might see them. yeah, it stressed shayna out a little bit. she still didn't understand why he couldn't just be happy with her. but then again, that was part of being admitted into an asylum, right?

she smiled down at his comment about her anger, but it was a false smile, full of sarcasm and loaded with bitterness. her eyebrows went up slightly, and she was giving him the kind of face that just said, shut the hell up, would you? however, she knew better than to say that question outloud. she didn't doubt him for a moment in the fact that he would make her sleep on the floor in the dark. she would have liked to think that he would gladly share the bed with her, but she knew conor, and he wasn't that kind of boy. frankly, she would have been worried for his sanity (or lack there of) if he allowed her to stay with him. she was going to fight like hell though to make it work for her. "hmm. i'm not angry."

[/color] lie. but it was obvious that she was lying, and she wasn't trying to hide that fact, either. the comment was more of a sadistic sarcasm than anything. "and i won't go into shock. i'll just cling harder to you. so you best do everything in your power to keep that battery alive."[/color] her fear wasn't so terrible that it would send her into another dimension, but it would freak her out, and she would cling harder to him. she would eventually accept the dark for what it was and that no one could harm her except conor, but she knew conor wouldn't hurt her. he might have the ability to, but she didn't believe he would. which was another reason as to why they fought so much. she lived in this lovely little world of denial in which conor wouldn't lay a finger on her, when that was so wrong. chances were, he wouldn't hesistate to totally rip her apart. it wasn't like anyone could blame him. she could be an annoying little bitch sometimes, and anyone in their right (or wrong) mind would want to totally murder her. but then most of the time, she was a total sweetheart. conor didn't get to see too much of that side anymore, now that he had made her bad side extremely apparent.

and then she started to feel bad, and guilty. for what? she didn't know. but that's just how she started to feel. she didn't want to love anyone other than conor, how could he even think that? of course she understood him, and his limited emotional capabilities. she had just always had this false sense of hope that maybe he'd over come it for her. for her. ugh, she was so naive. and depedent. it was absolutely ridiculous. she didn't know what feel or how to act, but she knew that she wanted him. she'd made that very clear very early in their relationship. but what kind of relationship did they even have? she didn't know why she was asking all of these questions, but she knew conor wasn't going to answer them even if he had the answers, which she seriously doubted. she'd fallen for someone who was cold and virtually heartless, but she'd seen moments where his heart might be existant, and that's kind of what kept her going. otherwise, she might not have been sticking around so long. "you're everything i'm not, and i like that.. i just.. i wanted you, okay? i didn't want anyone else and i still don't. i thought you understood that."[/color] she didn't look at him as she spoke, and she didn't want to see his reaction. she didn't move, though, and remained as close as she had been. her tone was softspoken, but that wasn't unusual for her. she placed her words carefully, and tried not to sound as heartbroken as she was starting to feel. why, though? it was so dumb. all of a sudden she was experiencing this pain, and she didn't know the cause. she could only compare it to that one thing, yet it was so irrational of her. quickly, she started to work on pushing those negative feelings away from the surface.

she stopped listening then, and started to worry about everything that was going on inside of her, because she didn't want it there anymore. whatever he was saying about pokemon, it went in one ear and right out the other. she had no idea what type went with what and what fire and ice had to do with psychic and steel, and at that point he could have been talking in chinese to her. she didn't even hear him speaking so much as she just saw his lips moving. and all of a sudden, it felt like everything was just coming down on her, as dramatic and pathetic as that sounded. but she didn't know how much longer she had with him, she didn't know how much longer it would be until her management came looking for her again. they could only hide her away for so long right? but as everything started to come together in her head, the ideas that came along with it would have only made her more insane than ever to anyone who could have read her thoughts. for some reason, what he had said affected her. and what she was going to do was going to get her killed. then he was saying something math related, but by then she was practically completely gone. he was going to kill her, but she didn't even care all that much. "can you just.. let me do this and don't freak out."[/color] she spoke quietly, and a little quickly, and her eyes landed on his, only to leave her feeling more intimidated than ever. her request obviously made no sense to him. yet, at least. because it was only a second or two later and she had put a hand on his cheek, pulling his face away from the game and towards her. in that same second, she was kissing him. it was dangerous and it was going to get her killed, she was completely convinced. but to her, it was worth it. the kiss was quick, simply because she didn't want to push it more than she already had simply by distracting him from the game. and as quickly as it had happened, it was almost like nothing had. she was back in the position she had been in prior to it, waiting for him to lash out at her. he could easily interpret her request now. she knew her move was stupid, but that was pretty much what had been building up inside of her. just to kiss him. a normal, teenage girl thing to do. except she wasn't normal, and neither was he, and he was going to slaughter her. that wasn't even an underestimation in her mind. she didn't want to know what he was going to say and what he was going to do. it was going to be bad and she knew that.

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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1523. notes THAT LAST PARAGRAPH IS ONLY LIKE THAT 'CAUSE I DIDNT HAVE MUSE TO WRITE ANYTHING ELSE SO I WAS LIKE HAY, SHAYNA'S GONNA BE BOLD AND GET HER ASS BEAT ;D. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

*show how you wanted it to be
I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, OUT OF HER HEAD SHE SAID ---

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one essential fact about conor- or law, if you will- was certianly his aversion of some sort towards contact. the physical kind. he had no issue ripping you to shreds with his mind. or thoughts, or words, much like a psychic type pokemon, hence his distaste for fighting types (as helpful as they were) and his similar distaste for said contact. he never really had to express this feeling because honestly, no one really ever felt the need to hug, touch, or do any type of...things along this line with him, and he appreciated this, much to shayna's dismay. let's put it this way; don't touch conor and he won't touch you. easy, and not hard to follow, but when you decided to be infatuated with someone like shayna, this was impossible. im-poss-ib-le. she gave you hell about not even trying to love her, and here he was, someone who honestly did love her, but...shied, away from lovey-moments? ugh. and that's why he was shocked with his relationship to shayna, shocked when she used the words 'wanted you,' and very shocked when she used the pronoun this, a very vague pronoun. and shayna being shayna, he expected no less than something in a large degree of crazy, he really thought she knew the boundaries and knew that conor would kill her for something that involved contact, even though he hadn't yet done so for her apparent snuggle fest...he was misleading her. oh, she could not do that. she wouldn't, she knew. she knew conor long enough now, to realize when something was too much, when she was crossing the line, and most importantly, she definetly knew the consequences, after that first day. that sure said quite a bit about conor, possibly because he exploded, or possibly because he had finally found someone who he probably loved, when it came down to such things. and he wasn't complaining. of all people, shayna was his opposite and vice versa, so it was like a puzzle...? they just couldn't seem to make everything fit evenly just yet. and great. now there's a load of sentimental metaphors. shit. she rubbed off on him, too. and he hated it. because to be honest, conor did not find himself being cured of his somewhat tempermental and angsty personality issue anytime soon, and well, shayna was doing a damn fine job of that herself. he deeply regretted this. she was such a challenge. it really was true, just when you think you have seen it all, there's even more. especially with shayna. conor had been convinced for some time now that she had actually been plopped in here for some crazy mind trick thing. which made more sense than invisible depression. that or conor was helping her, and that sounded extremely cliche and not the way he did things. he often was the ruiner in such situations as opossed to the, uh, fixer? but apparently not so. some tiny part of him found this satisfying, making shayna happy was really all that could matter at the moment, but the rest of him scowled at such a stupid, love-struck thought. love-struck. weird.

clingy. that was a wonderful adjective to describe shayna, she was clingy and too nice and not what conor needed, if he planned on getting out of here anytime soon, that was. and he was waiting for that doomful day when shayna's management pulled her out as fast as they put her in, and it was highly unappealing, saddening, even. that was a huge emotion for conor. of course, there really was no doubt in his pessimistic little mind that she would be out of that god forsaken place sooner than himself, because one, she was not crazy, neither was he for that matter, but anyway. and two, because you really couldn't keep shayna in the dark for long. be it with her knowledge or otherwise. not only would people start missing her but soon, he was pretty sure whatever i-love-you-conor phase she was going through would end. and he would be upset. and shayna would pretend, as always, like she didn't care, but she did, oh of course. she was awfully sentimental and he wasn't always in the mood to deal with it, but he signed himself up for it anyway. plus, today she was just being annoying. and stubborn. and pretending she wasn't upset when she clearly was, because for some reason she had an issue expressing her feelings to the most emotive person. ever. well, not always the good kind, unless you counted violence as a good kind, but he still had no opposistion towards being honest and just telling it like it is. or was. but that was just the way he dealt with things. now, to be honest, he really ignored the emotions of joy, and love, and cuteness that shayna seemed to posess every day, every hour, every minute, every second, even, of her life and time with conor at that, which he was not always ecstatic about, which, in true fashion- he showed. and that's why shayna knew when she would be getting scowled at, or a long lecture, or, the most popular, a rant and a hell of a bit of sarcasm. it was a wasted attempt, when she tried to pretend everything was peachy in her little demension, because it wasn't. she either wanted to slap conor or she wanted to hug him or whatever the fuck she did. it was the only emotion-type she had in her. this complicated things quite a lot. but at least he was there to be the oh-so shining example. haha. "ah. then i guess we'll just pretend that's true."

[/color] such a conor like remark. this would probably send shayna into hissy fits inside, but who knew. maybe he was just getting that ego again. or, she was horribly pms prone and he was right as always. "yeah, well, i'll just push you off then. easy for both you and me. and then we will be able to decide who sleeps down...there."[/color] he quipped in his usual fashion. of course, conor was never afraid to do such things, but he probably wouldn't. although, the possibility of her savagel grabbing him in anyway for dear life seemed icky. and he was definetly not going to be pushed off the bed. she would. that was her job. she was too nice to say no, right? or he thought. and for conor, that was just fine. because when she was stubborn she was a pain in the ass and he would gladly fall in love with someone else in that case.

her lovey little speech sounded as if it was ripped from the end of some nicholas sparks novel, but he would disregard that and try to answer her little comment without laughing hysterically. it was too tempting for him to just reply with something along the lines of, 'shayna, i love you so much' or some other load of shit, but he couldn't. even though it would drip serious sarcasm he could not bring himelf to say love to her like that. in all seriousness, he didn't want to make anything else rude-sounding and combine it with love, since she seemed to think he didn't love her; which he did. he really did, he sometimes just questioned the safety, if you will. all he wanted to be sure of was that she knew what the hell she had gotten herself into a few weeks ago and, most importantly, that she did not get put into another situation like the one that happened awhile ago. she could say she was fine all she wanted, really, but it just mattered that he could tell, and because she was so fucking transparent of course he could. and she knew, she knew she was too easy of a read, but she never tried to just be honest. he partly undestood, he scared her out of it a few times, or she just felt like that's not what he was good at, but she could try and maybe conor wouldn't explode over it. so as long as it does not involve himself and his ego, then you ask for it. "i can see that, shayna. don't worry. no need to go all sentimental yet."[/color] conor sighed. he knew. she was getting herself worked up and he knew, which he thought he showed, but apparently this was not always...apparent. but then again, she was right, he didn't seem to understand her. damn. "i know. i know. you're just confusing and too bipolar sometimes. and i hope to god i'm not alone in thinking that, because it's fucking obvious. really. and when you get like this it makes me feel-"[/color] he stopped sharply. feel. that's not right. you don't talk like that, conor. damn you. again. "it seems like you're better for someone more nice and things, there are plenty of people like that you've met."[/color] the way he said that was a little offended, which he really didn't mean, but it was too late for that. ugh. slow down conor, slow. down. apparently at the rate he spoke it was too fast to even comprehend how she would react, which he could imagine at this point would be somewhat mixed? hmm.

and he was still considering this, up until the point when she did it. it, the thing that CLEARLY crossed the fucking line, the fucking easy to see line, but no. she just took a hold of the reigns and did it. and he was...he was. oh jesus christ, what the hell. he was confused now, she was making him confused and at this moment somewhat nervous. or slightly in shock. so he really just sat for a moment, that was, once he was able to. she was too busy making her move, her stupid, sexy, shayna move on him and she was going to be strangled for that. maybe. oh god. he had gone catatonic, now what. now he was losing hold of normal thoughts, he was becoming delusional, oh jesus...fuck, god... someone help him. he had no idea what the hell was going to say to her manuever, and it was certainly nothing like what she did, no. he wasn't going to continue this lovefest right now. he was going to make sure she understood what she just did, and how wrong it was, oh it was very wrong, at one time they were nothing, then they were official, then unofficial, and that was how it had stayed, until she did that shit. but maybe it was a good idea, she was just expressing her feelings, did't he want that? you can't have your cake and eat it too, conor. ohh my. he would have gladly been killed by the gym leader than have to deal with the aftermath of her ideas. ugh. he was screwed now, he was in it. "shayna. i just. what the. holy shit."[/color] his tone was offended this time and hell he meant it. of course. he was pissed, simple. but was he? he was kind of...oh, just stop now... "what the fuck, was that shayna. you know...you know. that something like that is just stupid, i mean, was that just on a whim or do you want to be strangled? because i am damn close right now. yes. i said that."[/color] what he said probably was no suprise of any kind to shayna but he would pretend that wasn't so. all he did say was a load of ramble and it made absolutely no sense, and he was not thinking things were going to turn out well. huh. "i mean, fuckk...i don't get how you...just. what were you thinking? seriously? what the hell was going through your mind when you just totally decided to...you know, and did you think...well you better know that you've just screwed it, shayna, you know if i see this getting too fucking personal i am going to just...i do not know. i'm going to ignore you. or push you off the roof, either way."[/color] his statements were purely his own thoughts coming out in stupid little spurts and sounding contorted. he had no idea and no doubt in his mind that she did not understand what he meant or was saying, and the only thing he knew to do was continue rambling. "i know you apparently, like me, but...I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD ME. OKAY."[/color] he really did not care, either, that he was saying a bit too much and that someone could overhear it, because damn he was just on a roll, if you will. and at this point you could not stop him now. yes, conor was a force to be reckoned with, as they say. "I THOUGHT. you fucking were past this whole...let's get personal and love eachother thing, i love you, BUT I DO NOT WANT FUCKING CONTACT. YOU KNOW THAT. what the hell, shayna. just..."[/color] he trailed off, in the norm of this conversation, and he really also was not liking the way he was acting like some psycho and repeating himself, and yelling things, and just being an idiot, but that was conor, what could you do. as much as he felt like saying 'fuck you,' he was too exhausted at that point, there was almost nothing else to say. he was too confused to think anything else, honestly. he was confused, he really was this time. and what she did didn't exactly make him on edge, he just didn't like that. he didn't like...what she did, and he didn't know if that was what he was able to deal with right now, she knew he didn't like that too. she totally knew what she was getting into, but she just did it. he could really only dream for such perserverance.

TAG shayna bby. WORDS 2387 LYRICS everlong by the foo fighters NOTES so. words are a few here and there, THE END IS SO MESSED UP, I WAS LIKE...IUNNO. I WAS JUST TYPING LIKE CRAZY, I LIKE TO TYPE. i clack so much XD with the keyboard, righttt. and uhh...i have no pokemon comparison yet. excepttt rite nao he needs paralyz heal! and i now thats spelt wrong but thats how da pokemonz duet. yeahh bby.[/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- i'll be there when you close your eyes ,.

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( HOLD YOU TIGHT, SAY GOODNIGHT )[/center]

this was what she got for letting herself fall for someone like conor. someone like conor. how false that statement was. there was no one like conor. conor wasn't like anybody. he was truly a .. unique, individual. he possessed so many qualities that shayna had never been exposed to. she wasn't used to the aggression that he had; while yeah, she was used to it from him, she wasn't used to the extent of it. for the most part, he'd always been really good at controlling himself around her, or she had always just been very careful with what she did or said. but that's not what love was, and shayna was beginning to realize that, while conor was stuck in his world. it was conor world, and in that world, no one was allowed to be right except conor. everything had to be done his way, and everyone had to think what he thought. that's just the way it was, and for the first time, she was letting herself think about how not okay that was. for the most part, she had been okay with it, just for the sake of being with conor. she would have done anything just to be with him, but that was in the beginning. it wasn't the beginning anymore. but it was starting to get harder and harder, and he just continued to add more and more onto her shoulders. he was too busy trying to shove his beliefs down her throat to open up to anything she may have needed or wanted, or depended on for the sake of it. she hadn't even realized how much she had depended on him until then. because now she felt like she was losing him, and he didn't want her, even though he said he did. there was no way he could. she was starting to doubt his capabilities of love, as it was almost impossible for him to own up to his own feelings towards her, unless he was spouting it out in some violent manner. he couldn't be sweet about it. the only time he ever said he loved her was when he was pissed at her, which was terribly ironic. if he loved her, why did he make her dance carefully around certain lines and regulations about being with him?

conor got what he wanted, all in his one explosive serenade. before he ever started talking, she could feel something building inside of him, and she quickly moved from leaning on him, making sure not one part of her was touching one part of him, and she was especially careful to make sure her eyes were in no way able to make contact with his. so the first thing that he got, was her getting off of him. but then he got the second, which was her just completely moving off of the bed. she moved carefully but silently, moving to sit down and lean against the wall opposite the bed, where she could see him if she looked up. but no, shayna wasn't looking up. she was just going to stare at the ground of the cell until someone came to get her. the sooner the better. right? she only moved from the bed for one reason - to give conor what he wanted. because she had come to the conclusion that the only way to please him was to give him everything he wanted, and shayna was that kind of girl. she desperately wanted to keep him happy. that's how she saw things; she loved him, so she was going to abide to his wishes. it was unreasonably dependent and slightly pathetic of her, but that's why she did it. she knew that she had crossed a line by kissing him, but she had been stupid enough to take that risk, with some kind of false hope that maybe he would kiss back? how stupid was she. she knew that conor wasn't capable of returning affection, she knew that he didn't want affection in anyway, shape or form, and there she want, trying to change his ways anyway. it was such a helpless cause, and that only made her feel more and more helpless. but that's what she deserved, right? or she at least felt like she deserved it. shayna being shayna would take any punishment if she knew she deserved it. some days she came off like a stubborn, relatively difficult girl. but she was fragile, and so breakable. it just wasn't the smartest thing to put something so breakable in the hands of someone who suffered from anger control.

she didn't want to listen to his rant, because she knew that his words were going to sting a thousand times more than any physical pain he could have ever caused her. he could have thrown her against the wall, and his words would still hurt so much more. now, shayna was a girl who got by defending herself verbally, because she couldn't defend herself physically. however, she wasn't even willing to do that right now. she was just going to sit there, on the cold floor, and take her verbal beating. she didn't look at him once as he continued on with his lashing, as her eyes were permenently fixated on the ground. she didn't want to see his face, or the anger in his eyes. all she could think about was how no other teenage girl had to go through this. every other person could willingly kiss ther person they loved and they wouldn't have to face the rejection that she was facing. yet, it wasn't the rejection that was bothering her simply because she had been expecting it. she had known what was to come even as the idea to kiss him was forming in her head, but she went through with it. she couldn't help but feel like their roles were so reversed. wasn't it supposed to be the boy who was dying for some kind of show of affection, and it was the girl who was constantly swatting his hands away? not in their case. as much as she didn't want to, she sat there and absorbed everything that boy said to her. a smart girl probably would have just stood up and told him to shut the fuck up, but shayna couldn't do that. why? because she was shayna. and that was pretty much her excuse for everything. first of all, it only would have pissed conor off more, and she didn't want that. she didn't want to spend however long they had to be locked up together completely miserable. but it looked like it was going to be that way. second of all, she didn't like swearing. that was a stupid reason, but it was true. shayna didn't like swearing at all. she didn't know how to feel anymore. she was past embarrassment and rejection. now she was just kind of, there.

she was being exceptionally quiet, and a quiet shayna was never good. it was a rare moment if you found shayna when she wasn't telling you what you were doing wrong or what kind of person you were, or just telling you how she felt in general. the girl talked a lot, and it was never a good sign when she finally stopped. obviously, something in her head wasn't right. for the most part, shayna had succeeded at over coming the depression that had come from her father's death. in fact, she was way past that. she had let go, moved on, and it was only a matter of time before they let her out. which was why she kept taking the medication and kept acting like something was wrong. she knew that conor was onto her, and he knew that she was hardly ever sad. ever. but now she was. those depressed feelings were starting to sink into her again, as she consistantly reminded herself that conor didn't love her, that he just said that and let her hang around him. he didn't love her. words were easy for him. it was literally taking all of her power to keep herself from crying, because she knew that would probably just piss him off more. he would flip out on her for doing something any other person would do. but no, he was conor and he chose what kind of feelings she got to express. the more she let the thoughts sink in, the harder it was to hold everything back. but she wasn't speaking. she was not opening her mouth. the second she said something, it was all down hill. her voice would crack and give her away, when the darkness was the only thing hiding her watering eyes. she hugged her knees to her chest, continuing to stare at the ground beyond conor. she had let herself fall for someone who just didn't feel the same way about her, and that was her own fault. she deserved everything that was was feeling. or at least, that was the mindset of a clinically depressed child.

tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1551. notes PSH SAD. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

*show how you wanted it to be
I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, OUT OF HER HEAD SHE SAID ---

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conor was never the one to think before he spoke, honestly. and this cost him quite a bit in the long run, something even he regretted. now of course he was never planning on saying such a henious thing aloud, but he knew that what he said of may say sometimes could be a bit over done or possibly too scathing, which he intended sometimes, but more often than none if you were shayna this was something you were protected from. or, maybe that was not nessecarily true. but the few times he had gone a bit far he always apologized for and he never really...no, he did normally mean it, okay. but this time he assumed from her whole silent shtick he really fucked things up. oh...well, he knew from the minute he decided to go off on his rant of why she shouldn't have done that and blah blah blah, but he didn't really think she would just shut up and leave him kind of cluelss like she was currently doing. it was a hell of a lot more helpful when you actually spoke and helped to fix the problem, maybe, instead of watching it try to be fixed by someone who had no idea how. if that made sense. she was just sitting there, yes there—she resorted to crawling off of her perch and dropping to the floor, and that was honestly just pathetic. the way she was looking at him all...bleh. she was just staring and she was all sad and she wasn't even looking at him, on that note, but he could tell. one, she was on the floor, two, she was like...hiding herself. never a good sign. and three, she wasn't saying anything. anything. which was never a good sign when you were talking about shayna. of course she was supposedly naturally depressed or something, but he really couldn't tell. although apparently what he had said in rant mode was bringing old habits back and she was going to try and commit suicide, right? okay, that was dramatic. he hoped. but whatever, she was sitting in pity and he sat on a bed with some blank expression and too many bad thoughts. so. he knew apologizing was certainly the best option here, he just wasn't too sure as to when? yeah. we'll just say that saying sorry, to shayna no less, was not a strong suit for conor whatsoever, and right now it needed to be. he just really was rather bummed, yes bummed. she looked so upset. he knew it was all his fucking fault, too. and she wasn't even making eye contact, and it all just added up, and he really just wanted to shut the hell up for once in his life but that was physically impossible, and he was just screwed, so. yep. he was just screwed. not to mention there was really no doubt in his mind that she hated him quite a bit right now, and he totally made it sound like he did too. he never said he hated her, he just...was using a harsh tone and choice of words, but once more, that was just the whole impulse ordeal repeating itself over again. dammit. 

see, when you were conor you had rules and regulations, you had laws, you had whatever else was a word for stupid rules that you followed naturally. this was simply because if he didn't have them he was just destined to ruin whatever came his way, and in this case it was apparently shayna's self esteem, and...he didn't know. all he knew right now was that what he said was just a stupid, fucking mistake, really. mistake probably wasn't a good word, but he just blabbed on and blurted out whatever he could think, and saying the word love honestly meant almost nothing when you were pissed at the person during the same sentence. which conor basically was, and now not so much. she was damn lucky. had she been someone half normal in his life, not only would she be utterly ignored and completely taunted for her lack of a spine (as exhibited in this whole showing) but she would also be just another name on a list of people he screwed over, he wouldn't regret what he did, and if so it would be much later. but no, she was just too important; she made him feel that horrible feeling called sorry much too early for his taste, and it was somewhat inevitable with a person like her. he loved her, he loved her, he meant it when he said it. but she was one of those...uh, special sorts, who made conor seriously consider the possibility of being somewhere alone an appealing possibility, because right now it'd be so much better than the horrid tension in the air. like said earlier though, the worst was just how he never really felt anything afterward, with the normal pedestrian, but with shayna...he just knew what he did. he knew he screwed up. and he didn't like it. he didn't want to savor it, he just wanted to make her not so upset with him? something like that. and he didn't know exactly how to phrase it. he was just a little afraid to talk to her, even if he did attempt to approach with caution, because at the moment her silence really only said 'i'm too naive' in his opinion, and he wasn't too fond of her somewhat innocent mindset. because he was rather explicit, if you know what i mean. and for someone like shayna that really meant bad things. sole things so bad that they made you crawl away into a dark corner. yeah. see, he did have to say she was over doing it, like earlier. like, acting all frail and moping off and wallowing in pity. it was all so...bleh. it was BLEH. that's what it was. and he would try to say sorry to the best of his slightly limited ability, so she better appreciate it. mmn. see. not good sorry skills.

in his not so humble opinion, conor really was not a selfish person, but that's not to say he was very selfless either. he tried to be, and he never asked too much of people. or he didn't think so. he had no problem saying that maybe he liked to be right, he liked to win. but that wasn't really something that had anything to do selfishness. maybe it did. but that was just conor so you had to deal. and that was that. he wasn't too sure about the whole others winning thing though. because he liked to win, he like to be right, he didn't really try to shove it in your face if he did. maybe some people, not always shayna, thought he did, but he didn't. and he never. never. NEVER DID HE EVER try to make someone have his opinion on something, if he didn't think there was a difference between the colors yellow and black then he thought so but you didn't need to. he wasn't going to force it upon you, because to be honest; he had lived with enough of that shit for his life and it got tediously tiring for him. and probably for most others, hence his opinion in the whole situation. shayna probably thought the opposite of him, well, he basically knew she thought that, but anyway. she probably thought everything about him that really, in essence, was not true at all, but he wasn't going to go there because that was beside the point right now. of course, thinking things, negative things, about people, especially with someone in the loony bin, well. that didn't help anyone, and it definetly did not help their relationship, so one day they had to set all this stuff straight, but right now he was just focused on getting her out of the fucking corner of misery or whatever. because it was annoying him quite frankly. he couldn't stand looking up and seeing her stupid little fetal posistion in a corner, because he could tell even though she was giving him no contact she was on the verge of tears, so. he always knew. and he wasn't in the mood for her crying right now either. he had quite a bit of fixing on his hands, apparently. and at this point, seeing her sorry self it could be somewhat hard. he never wanted to even get into this whole relationship, but shayna being shayna of course had to push through and pretend that nothing would ever happen and the world was just a happy place and that conor was never agressive, no no. she was such an idealist and right now, with conor, that wasn't the best mindset. to be honest. and she was damn lucky he stopped pokemon for this, because on any other day he would have continued in the happy and strategic adventures of attempting to get through distortion world, but that was another issue entirely. he was about to start his nice little apology speech of love but he was too scared shitless. he was. it was a stupid thing to be scared of, oh my friggin god a pms prone teenage girl with depression, but he was. conor the invincible was afraid of a whiny girl. oh, how his offensive skills had decreased.

he was going to tread lightly with this. because apparently handling with care was very much a nessescity with shayna and her fragile little feelings. she wasn't him, this was important to remember. she wasn't able to handle anything. okay, that was cocky, but hey, he was able to handle most everything. so he dragged himself off the safe haven that was the bed and sat on the floor, ooh. cold. mind you, it was across the room. like he would go and sit near her in her little state, yeah. you go and get yourself killed with that. so he really had no idea why he was sitting on the floor anyway, so maybe he—yeah. now that he put himself back onto the bed...no. he plopped onto the floor finally, looking down at her just seemed wrong. it did. so now that they were level, he just decided to start saying something and he didn't really care if she was looking or crying profusely or not, he was just going. "look, shayna. i just..."

[/color] he trailed off, attempting to find the correct words to say fucking screwed, but without too much sucess. hmm. "I AM SORRY. okay, seriously? i mean it, i do, i just. i'm sorry."[/color] he sighed a little, continuing, still on a roll. go conor. "i have fucking problems with that stuff, you know, so don't act like you have no idea where that came from. and please get your sorry ass put from the corner because it's honestly depressing me. as if it's not enough with knowing you are completely on the edge of crying over there."[/color] he wasn't anywhere close to stopping right now, no. he had quite a bit to say, it seemed. "i know, i always do. okay. yeah, but still, i have problems in that area and you honestly know about my issues with contact, and i know that's how normal people do it but we really aren't normal, unless you consider being in love here normal, in which case i would question your sanity. but i am sorry. I FUCKING APOLOGIZE for being the bastard i have a tendancy to be, the end."[/color] he stopped. that was all he had, before he started rambling like crazy and just went overboard, and last time that didn't go so well. but everything he said was true. he was a bastard and he knew it and she knew it and there. but maybe... "and i love you. okay."[/color] he mumbled a little bit on that. it was a deep emotion, okay? she should appreciate it, or at least come out of her ball of depression and angst.

TAG  shayna bby. WORDS 2054 LYRICS everlong by the foo fighters NOTES uh so, yeah. it's depressing and cute and just blahhh. but i was just going on a roll and a lot of different music here, like saddd stuff D: some afi here and there and then some foo fighters and just you know XD SO THERE IT IS :3 IN ITS GLORYYY.
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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- i'll be there when you close your eyes ,.

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( HOLD YOU TIGHT, SAY GOODNIGHT )[/center]

she heard conor move, but she didn't look up. she didn't want to look at him. hell, she didn't exactly want to be in his prescense much longer. it wasn't anything personal, well. i guess it kind of was. but it was just because she was feeling a bunch of different things in that moment and she was just making herself more and more confused. no, her eyes were fixed on the ground and there was no way she was giving him eye contact. she didn't know what he was doing, and she half cringed when she first heard the movement of the bed, thinking that maybe he was just finally going to bash her head in. that might have been easier than sitting there in the temporary silence and the tension. she probably would have rather had conor knock her out cold than listen to his cold words. but then things were quiet again, and she was terrified. then he was moving, and she was even more terrified. she didn't have to look up to know what he was doing once he did it. she heard him moving to the wall opposite her, and she heard him slide down to sit at her level, something she silently appreciated. but she still wasn't looking at him anytime soon, and he was going to have to deal with that on his own. yeah, she was angry with him, but for now, the self saddness was going to mask that. by the time she got over how upset she was, the anger will have most likely subsided. shayna was incapable of holding onto an angry feeling, and conor knew that. she wasn't too good at holding onto upset emotions either, and it usually only took a matter of minutes for her to be back to her usual self. however, that wasn't the case just then. she didn't want to feel better just yet. she was very content leaning against the cold wall, all mopey and whatnot. she was only angry with him because of her own frustration. she still didn't understand why he was so anti-affection, and she didn't want to understand it, either. sooner or later, she would just accept it. she wasn't willing to lose conor, even if he didn't want to love her. except he did, and she was just blind to the fact that his standards of love were so much different than hers. she saw things that fairytale aspect, and he didn't. it was as simple as that, really.

shayna could point out better than any doctor in that establishment when conor wasn’t trying, and when he was. she knew more about conor than any doctor did. well, maybe she didn't know the medical shit, but she knew what made him conor and she knew how he would react to different things. she could kind of determine how he operated, whether or not it was how she wanted things. in return, she assumed he knew the way she worked with certain things. she knew what pissed him off, yet she went ahead and did what she liked anyway. most of the time. other times, she danced around everything carefully, making sure he never got too aggravated with her. she didn't know if he knew what upset her, and she didn't know if he could respect those limitations. but anyway. the boy rarely put much effort into anything except pokemon and making sure he didn't explode when she was around. and she appreciated that greatly. not only did she want to be around when conor threw a tantrum, she didn't want to be in his way in case he got violent. but for conor to apologize? she knew the words probably tasted like vinegar coming out of his mouth. even though the apology wasn't exactly sensitive, she hadn't been expecting one, and she hadn't thought about how she would react to it. so therefore, she didn't. not at first, at least. she just listened to everything he said, buying into every word. she believed everything he said simply because she wanted to. it didn't matter if he was lying through his teeth just to get her to stop wallowing in self pity. she wanted so badly to believe that his words were true, so she did. she knew that the longer she kept quiet, the more agitated he would only grow. part of her wanted him to just sit there and soak in her silence, because they both knew her silence wasn't good. she wanted him to learn his lesson, but lesson was there, really? there wasn't one. it was just shayna demanding more than he could give her.

part of the reason as to why she was so quiet was because she didn't entirely know what to say in response to his explanation of everything. this entire situation was her fault but she was sitting there, choosing to blame conor for it. if she hadn't tested the boundaries, if she hadn't asked too much from him, if she hadn't been impulsive, then maybe he would still be attempting to teach her the ways of pokemon, instead of this. instead of sitting in a room that was starting to fill up with misery. oh good, he knew that she was on the verge of crying. and the fact that he knew only made her want to do it more, because it was just another example of how well conor knew her, and for some reason that made everything seem worse. she was such a head case, it was ridiculous. she couldn't blame conor's medical problems for her unhappiness. she just .. ugh. she didn't know. she wanted what she wanted and what she wanted was for conor to just accept their togetherness. what was so hard about that? for her, it was nothing. for her, being together was about as easy as anything else in her life. but it was awful of her to assume that conor felt the same, and she recognized that now. she couldn't ask conor to do something he wasn't capable of. that wasn't shayna. when he told her he loved her, it felt like it hit her with an unbearable impact. the way he said it made her choke back her tears and feel a thousand times worse than she already was. it was the first thing that had come from his mouth, since they had been thrown in together, that sounded sincere and sensitive to her. at least he was starting to realize how annoyingly breakable she was. it probably took him as much power to say those words as it was taking her to keep quiet. but after a few moments, she was able to pull herself together enough to speak. "i love you, too."

[/color] it was really all she could bring herself to say for the time being. it was strange, how ever after everything, she still managed to believe that he was a pretty damn sweethearted boy. mhm.

she was being extremely careful with what words she was picking from her own mind to express aloud. she didn't know what would make him snap in that situation anymore than he already had, as she suspected that he was clinging to his self control. but then again, shayna didn't really know. so. yeah. he wasn't a bastard, and she hated that he called himself one, because she didn't see things that way. okay, yeah, he was meaner sometimes, than he should have been, and he was insensitive and stubborn, but that didn't make him a bastard. she still blindly saw that charming, sweet, conor, that she had made up in her imagination a long time ago. she was also careful to make sure that her expectations of him were never too out of reach, because otherwise reality would probably start to suck. "what's so bad about being in love in here?"[/color] her voice was low, and probably a bit shakey. she was still careful not to look at him, still acting and most likely sounding particularly distant. personally, she knew they were seriously fucked up. she knew that they were lucky to have had their relationship survive as much as it already had. but if she had found conor in an asylum, whatever. that's just where she happened to be when she met him. she still didn't think love could be limited to the environment surrounding it. she knew that he had opened up to her a lot, and that he was as close to her as he could probably get to anybody, but that still wasn't much. and yeah, her question was probably just about as risky as kissing him was, but she was on a roll, so why not, right? oh, shayna. and what's so bad about contact? she wanted to ask, but she didn't. what was wrong with holding the person you loved, or holding their hand, or just letting them lean on you. ugh.


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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1540. notes WROTE HALF OF THIS IN STUDY HALLLL. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

*show how you wanted it to be
I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, OUT OF HER HEAD SHE SAID ---

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all conor was feeling at the moment could easily be described as tension, because honestly, if he did everything he just did, and she didn't care...then he was annoyed. he never ever dared to really even try to apologize—that was mostly because he just didn't want to—or moreoever, apologize to shayna. he was never in the mood to put up with her oversensitive tendencies, and on some strange thoughts he decided to beg her forgiveness for absolutely no reason. right now though, all he was really waiting for was possibly some movement or...sign of life from her, because he refused to deal with her if she was not going to talk today. what he did was stupid, yes we know. now she should get past her fucking grudges or whatever the hell she was holding on him; that was a conor job and right now she sucked at it. plus he just couldn't take all the...awkward feelings in the room. and, most importantly, he really didn't want to uhm. lose shayna? ugh. she did add something to his time here and things would be terribly boring without her stupid mood swings and petty little comments, because they were the things that made him so inexplicably pissed at her. which honestly only added to the love situation. and love, yeah. he told her, she should be happy. he was the one who fucking brought it up to begin with—he was the one who asked about everyone's opinions of everyone there. and she was the one too afraid to even answer. hence they wouldn't even be in this lovely situation if he was never there. she really should thank him every so often, look at what he dis for her. silly shayna. he didn't know how many times he really could say that he did love her. mind you it was a thought most of the time as opposed to a sentence that he actually said, but he didn't want her to feel like all he was doing...was just letting her have what she wanted and drawing the line in certain areas because that was just what conor did quite often. he was not too sure if she ended up being in love with him or the other way around, but so far he would bet he loved her first and just never said it. because these things scare him to be frank, they did. as expected conor was certainly, in no way the best person to come to if you were in the mood for a emotional moment, or one of those times where you just told someone eveyrthing and wanted the other to do this as well. he was really just a virgin in that area and didn't want to go there. or, a simpler way of saying it would just be saying, conor sterling is a fucking. wimp. yep. let's be honest here, that's all it meant when you dumbed it down just a little.

as it was, all he could think of currently seemed to involve shayna agreeing with him and saying something. something possibly like, "yep conor, you're a serious ass who i never loved anyway so i won't make you love me anymore just cause i have a big ego" or maybe even, and more likely, "you're never a bastard conor and i love you like there's no tomorrow" and blah blah blah. the latter would be a serious lie, but see, shayna lived in serious la la land and enjoyed fooling herself into believing he was just a nice little part of her grand exsistence, when in truth he was far from it. he could easily shred her. he just did, of course, she was about to choke on her own tears. he knew it, she was just too fragile and breakable and just was like one of those dogs that barked loudly and annoyed the SHIT out of you, but then they couldn't take anyone throwing back at them, they were wimps then. and in some regards, especially with the wimp thing conor was quite similar in this area. he too, was afraid. of her undying love, that is. shiver. that and losing it once again rigt before her very innocent self, as it was pretty easy to say that she didn't handle his rants, or better yet, tirades very well. which he could respect. she just had to act like she could kick your ass faster than you could say...something big, but no. she had absolutely no physical or possibly a wit as sharp as that guy she loved. oh, conor. he also doubted she had as big of an ego either, and she was the famous one. which reminded him. what would happen when they finally busted out of this shithole? would the world spontaneously combust or was that just a nightmare? he wasn't too sure on that. talk about public affection then, and see how he felt. god knew. but anyway. he was also not sure when it would finally hit shayna that oh, conor is a horrible person and i love him, but he could snap any second and i would die because of it. probably without the dying part. but she was honestly convinced he really was not able to hurt her, and in many cases it seemed like it, sure. this was really only so because he was trying way too hard. he was trying too hard in his efforts to make sure the 'impossible' stayed that way, thus you could say he was just feeding that naive delusion she got herself into. but it was better than dealing with this awkwardness anymore. that's why he apologized whenever he took a wrong turn with shayna, why he always put effort into the times he was with her, to be honest. in a average day he put little effort into making himself a better person simply because he had no need to do so. that was what made him, well, him, and he refused to even act like what the staff here thought would be working was doing anything. so yep. he would be here for awhile. he gladly gave a pissy rant to any passerby without hesitation, and he was never really in the mood put in restraint into the temptation of just giving someone hell, if they provoked it or not. so there. he was a loose cannon and he liked it that way, he was just too special for anyone's own good. maybe not shayna's, and that was why they were so compatible yet so screwed up, so in love, so bipolar together. and mostly why they argued like a married couple. they both were special and had big heads. yes, she did too. and they both were stubborn. no other would ever admit the other one actually won, but then again, shayna had exasperatedly sighed the phrase "fine, conor, you won. whatever." a few times before. which was pretty nice when it came down to it. then you knew your work was done with good cause.

it was a bit of a embarassing moment when the first thing she even said was i love you. and she said it so bashfully, it was honestly adorable. wait, holy shit. once again this love was very unhealthy for conor. he was becoming a somewhat large marshmellow every single day. that aside, she still spoke, oh my god. that was one thing down. at least whatever he said had some effect and she was responding. not she hadn't moved yet, which was annoying, because he would appreciate her not being in a fucking corner, but he figured remarking about it was too much to ask from her at the moment. maybe all he really needed to say to begin with was just i love you, and she would have forgave him without all the added filler crap that only made him sound even more stupid than before. which he enjoyed avoiding. so now that the whole ordeal of silence and annoyance and being pissed was over...now he wasn't too sure what to do. conor was figuring the best idea would to be to just answer her questions whilst mindlessly playing his pokemon, but then she would just be offended that he was paying more attention to his duskull then to her, and of course this whole cycle would start again. and that was how it was—you started it up in some shape or form, you had those minutes or an hours or whatever of silence and apologies and all the sappy shit, and then you were happy, poof. but then, in a matter of hours or hopefully days, things were back in that cycle again. the cycle he didn't mind just happening once. but that was what always happened and granted it complicated things. all he could say to that was love overpowers all. yep. what a load that was. "uhm. hehe. i agree, again."

[/color] that was just something random he blurted out, what the fuck? it was totally nothing and possibly the time he had ever even hinted at saying i love you in a audible volume. but oh well, that's what you got. and for a moment he really wanted to go OHSHIT and pretend it never happened. but it did. and he was an idiot, and it wasn't really a big deal but he made it that way. he blew everything out of proportions a lot like shayna. again, they were similiar. he didn't know if it was more correct say opposites attract or they were exactly alike, it depended on the day apparently. oh, their relationship was indescisive and it became tedious after awhile. do you have a love thing going on, or is it just a wash. they would never know that one.

he also had no idea how to answer her question either. it was confusing, his answer would make no sense. if she wasn't so damn curious the world would be a better place, honestly. maybe. sometimes honesty was the best policy, and saying otherwise would pretty much make conor a huge hypocrite. he was honest and that was just a natural setting for him, this was something he would never give up and he never planned on it either. so the answer to her oh-so difficult question was going to be a honest one. they were in a fucking place, you know, place. and they couldn't even seriously love eachother because that didn't go well here, and it was all just wrong and not supposed to happen. had they both been people with somewhat normal brain function, there would not be this issue, simply because they would not be here. if he wasn't mistaken. so. that was just how it went in short, going all over it would get too long winded. "that's kind of an easy thing, you know?"[/color] lie, of course. he didn't even know what to say, how would she? it wasn't easy whatsoever to him to tell her that this was wrong and that's what was wrong, being in love was wrong and that's what was wrong. oh that sounded stupid. a lot.  "it's just, i have no idea how long we would be stuck here, right. and then, if it ends up that i'll just be here forever, and you're long gone, then this was just some stupid idea that we should have known wouldn't have even worked out. not that i don't like it..."[/color] it kind of sounded wrong as if he was saying they shouldn't be in love at all, which was fine, like said. he just didn't want the end, if there was one—to be all gloomy and doom filled. that was depressing and then his stay would be even longer. he would pass on that.

TAG  shayna bby. WORDS 2004 LYRICS everlong by the foo fighters NOTES YOUVE BEEN LEARNIN, BABY IVE BEEN LEARNINNN, WAYY DOWN INSIDE WAYY WAYY DOWN INSIDE HONEY YOU NEED IT. I'M GONNA GIVE YOU MAH LOVE, IM GONNA GIVE YOU MAH LOVEEE uhyeahthissucksitreallydoes. i apologize deeply XDD
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[! SHAYNA CHARLIE HEART.]

--- i'll be there when you close your eyes ,.

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( HOLD YOU TIGHT, SAY GOODNIGHT )[/center]

to be quite honest, shayna was already finding herself wanting to forgive everything and move on with her life. she hated herself for feeling that way, but she could never stay mad at conor for long. it was impossible for her. she wanted to sit there and be mad and upset and just get away from him, but the fact that he was there made it impossible. as much as she wanted to just stay away from him, she couldn't, because she really didn't want to be away from him. she simply resorted to telling herself that to avoid the next conflict between them. that conflict always came, there was no doubt about it, and shayna was never ready for it. but in the end, she forgave him. it was just how they worked together. that was just a natural shayna-type thing to do. when he had blown up at her at their first encounter, it had taken her all of a few minutes to completely disregard the fact that he had irrationally yelled at her and almost sent her into tears. yeah, it was fairly easy for shayna to forgive and forget and give out more chances. that was something she needed to work on, that whole, second chance thing. at that moment, conor had pretty muched worked himself up to way more than two chances. but that didn't matter to shayna. she would give him as many as he needed. example number two. he had threatened her how many times? multiple, to say the least, and it didn't even affect her anymore. now she would more or less just tell him to shut up or give him some kind of sarcastic remark, usually something along the lines of, why yes conor, i will go jump off the building just because you told me to. eyeroll. in which case, he would retaliate with something harsher to say, and then it just became the endless cycle of shayna and conor banter. and it was exactly that banter that made people suggest that they just go get married because they were already half way there.

the sad part was that conor was so right, and shayna did not want to believe one word of anything he had to say. if it ends up that i'll just be here forever, and you're long gone, then this was just some stupid idea that we should have known wouldn't have even worked out. the words echoed over in her mind for a moment or two after he said them. he was right, and it was about time she faced up to reality. chances were, she would be out of here sooner, rather than later, and that would be the end of everything. she didn't exactly have the bravery inside of her to say no to her management and walk away from her career. even though she wanted to go to australia desperately, she probably wouldn't. australia was far away from everything. she had toured there once, and it had become the most beautiful place in the world to her. so that's where she wanted to runaway to. but that wasn't happening. in no less than a few months, she would be back where she had been before she ended up at alkaline. and as much as she hated to think about it, she knew she would end up leaving conor behind. reality said that he couldn't come with her, that she wasn't going off to australia on her own, and that she would definitely be out of alkaline before him. her track record at alkaline, with the exception of right now, was extremely clean. she had no misdemeanors, no record. sooner or later, some doctor was going to contact whoever had signed her up for this place, and report that she was fine. she didn't need to be here anymore. yet, conor was a different story. he didn't have some kind of greedy management behind him, looking to get him out as soon as possible, while shayna did. things just didn't look good, and conor knew it. and now he was making her know it, too.

she didn't think that moving to sit near him was crossing any line whatsoever. it wasn't like she planned on kissing him again, because you could easily say that she had learned her lesson from that. there wasn't even a chance that she was going to cuddle up against him again, despite how much she enjoyed it and how much she didn't. he couldn't blame her for wanting to at least pretend that he was there to comfort her. plus, at least moving over to him was some kind of indication that she was still breathing. however, she waited a few more minutes in the silence until she didn't feel like she was going to cry anymore. no, she definitely didn't need to confirm his suspicions for that. carefully, almost cautiously, she stood up, brushing herself off lightly, practically out of habit. her eyes avoided him completely, still not wanting to have to face whatever kind of emotion he was giving off. it had always been easy for her to read his emotions by his eyes, and the one she was used to the most was anger. she just didn't want to see that right now. moving steadily, but not quickly, she took the few steps needed to be near him and slid down the wall, sitting down beside him. however, she was careful not to be too close to him. she didn't exactly want to cross any new lines that he had put up withou letting her know, so she kept a foot or two between them. and just as soon as she had sat down, she had pulled her knees back into her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and taken up the position she had just been in. her eyes went to being fixated back on the ground, as she found herself having to focus more and more on not stealing a glance at him. it wasn't like she was trying to ignore him, she just didn't want to see him. okay, so maybe she was kind of ignoring him, but it wasn't to be bitchy or anything like that. it was more out of defense than anything. it was the only way she could think of to protect herself from whatever negative emotion he was feeling towards her in that moment.

shayna would have gladly told him that he was right about what he said, but she was smarter than that. she knew conor fairly well, and she knew better than anyone that if she admitted that, his comment would be, see!? i knew i was right! i'm always right! but that was more or less just her immature assumption of his way of functioning. that was simply what she believed he would respond with from past experiences. she didn't want to deal with his insensitive ego, just like he didn't want to deal with her bitter comments, which was why she was keeping her mouth shut. if she wasn't going to snap something at him, she was going to say something that would sound too lovey and cute for him. both options would annoy him, so she just wouldn't say anything. except, anyone who knew shayna knew that silence just didn't work well with her. it had taken her enough energy already to not say anything for this long. now that she was closer to him, her voice quieted more than it had already. "it is extremely stupid to be letting ourselves feel the way we do, but there isn't exactly much we can do about it, now is there?"

[/color] her comment, or question rather, wasn't spiteful or harsh in anyway. in a way, she was questioning herself more than she was questioning him. she couldn't help who she fell for. she didn't know if conor had control over it or not, but she didn't. she would have liked to pretend that maybe she could have stopped herself from succumbing to conor's charmingly aggressive ways. "maybe we don't have much of a future together."[/color] she was still distint, she was still thinking. her entire mind was running circles around that idea. not being with him in a few months. in a few years. there was a damn good chance they wouldn't see each other again. and neither of them knew when their time would be up. "maybe this isn't right."[/color] and then her voice turned into something doubtful, as her mind played with the fact that they really only had now. they didn't have then. or later. they had now, and that was it. "but you know, i don't really give a damn. so."[/color] swearing was never a common thing for shayna, in fact, she had repremanded conor on countless occasions for it. obviously, something significant had snapped inside of her. and it was terribly cliched, like, we don't have much time, so we should just enjoy what we have left.


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tagged rachel w/ conor bbyy. words 1507. notes OMG THIS IS TERRIBLE. AND THE LAST PARAGRAPH IS SO CLICHED IT MAKES ME WANT TO YELL AT MY INNOCENT COMPUTER. credit ! reinvented LOVE , @ caution

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[CONOR ELLIOT STERLING.]

*show how you wanted it to be
I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, OUT OF HER HEAD SHE SAID ---

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what he had said earlier was true. it was pretty easy to see himself here in another decade and shayna still being shayna, off in australia, totally having forgotten such a minor fleck in her exsistence, a crazy person who was once in love with her, but oh, it was mutual. yep. that was the most likely, the rest involved...nevermind. all he knew was that whenever such a thing happened he would be relatively lost when it came to how to even drag himself into the world in the morning. it was enough to do so while here, and then if she just ditched—against her wishes or otherwise, he could imagine they were both pretty screwed then. or he thought she would be somewhat upset, right? it was true though, when the time eventually came, it came. and there was really no say in the matter. mostly considering that he doubted they would even consider his pleas to go along with shayna a decent improvement. and also the fact that she was so fucking squeaky clean. he was not, no way. so that didn't help the cause much, hence for once he lost, and accepted the defeat at that. oh, sigh. that was the thing. he couldn't really stop it and he seriously had no idea how shayna would if so. he didn't want to just sit and let everything that had happen basically shrivel up and die, but you had to do what you had to do. for conor this really wasn't dying, but still. he at least didn't want it to be. right now, though, it seemed as if it was a somewhat viable option, considering his pessimistic thoights really only made him feel like everyone would end up forgetting any of this crap ever even happened, most importantly shayna, and then what. that was the whole issue, then what, because his then what was being here for god knew how much more of his life, and then maybe eventually doing something productive with whatever amount of time he had left, although this was the least likely scenario he was imagining; his brain seemed to hate him for something unbeknownst to him. huh. of course, he wished things wouldn't end up that way, or at least just make himself stop thinking it would. and soon. but who knew. maybe it was some type of omen. one he would rather avoid, mind you, but it seemed as if that wasn't up to him, just her and her management. wow, that sounded twisted. how funny was it that it was her life yet someone else had no problem helping her live it? hell yes. conor had his set of reservations about the way things went for her. but then again he had—or was—dealing with these issues himself, because what. like he brought himself here voluntarily, yup. haha, not. we won't get into that, but it wasn't his idea and much like shayna, someone else's wish was why he was here. joy. except he couldn't see it being the same as in, he didn't know if that same person would drag him out of there. but he could dream. and that's what he would do. until she left. then he was clueless. maybe right now though, maybe it was a lovely time for her horrible optimism to somehow overpower his negativity and penchant for impending doom. at this moment he would enjoy the possibility of something other than a terrifyingly grim death. he kind of just wanted some happy go lucky little saying from her about having all the time they fucking needed, like the end of some sappy and cliched movie. that's when she was helpful and not annoying the hell out of him. and as expected, he would obviously miss all of that when she was gone. jesus christ, he was a damn pessimist. someone help him. it got on his nerves, his own habit, getting on his nerves. oh, there's something.

he could tell just by the way she said what she did that she knew his gloomy remark—about their quick jump into a relationship that would not even last long enough—was the truth for once instead of just a stupid idea in his head. it was the truth, yep, and she knew it? then it was so. but what she had said was too. they couldn't fix it now, they already screwed themselves weeks ago and now really wasn't the most opportune time for descision-mourning. because let's be honest. it was shayna, plus conor. the most fucking stubborn people, and together it was just super stubborn and even worse. hence, there was no chance you would be getting them out of their relationship, not after all they'd gotten into and said by now. since it was looking like his life went downhill enough as is, all he was waiting for was probably just what would happen. she'd leave and it would be another miserable chapter of shit in his life, what a suprise. she was the slightly exciting high point of his time here, which hadn't really been too long, but anyway. she always had something happy to say. always. and like said, it was helpful when you were convinced that your whole exsistence was damned to be horrible, or something like that. so for conor it was a hard answer; it was hard to say that no, you could not fix it now. it was too late. but not in the bad way. he was relatively thankful it couldn't be fixed. who said love could ever be fixed anyway? ah, he did. and he knew everything and everything he said was right, yeah. he forgot that one. "it's not really the actual...love relationship that's stupid, just that we didn't consider my eternal stay here and your luck of being famous and getting, well basically, a free pass out of here."

[/color] he said everything kind of longingly, but it was easy to know why. he really had no idea of anyone, excepting shayna that is, who didn't want out. now. because this sucked and granted, there were such easy little people here, easy as in they could be pretty simply just hurt with his not so harsh words too easily. but that wasn't the best thing to complain about...yeah. he had a few other friends here. moreso enemies, but you know. we'll pretend otherwise. she was just his closest and probably his only love-like friend who was a girl. and the only person he could stomach cuddling with. or whatever she did. she did quite a few things against his will, or over his dead body, or what have you. mostly just cute little things she did, cuddle moments or the grandeose one—kissing him. ooh. yep. and then she just got a load. it was like some lecture from your parents, although he said fuck the whole time and it was the lecture from hell. that apparently made people cry, or people like shayna. some people called that the general population, but...yeah. anyone else wasn't as lucky. they didn't get the lecture from hell, they just got a pissy conor who told you to shut the fuck up and die in a fire. which did not always happen, or in that order, hehe. he said a few other choice phrases, too. he was pretty colorful with his words, to be honest.

asking for any more movement than she had given him would have been pretty much a stupid idea and somewhat just setting her up, because had he, she would have gotten hitched at about personal space and then some, not to mention she would just hide in her shadow corner again. which he would enjoy not happening anymore. but she did acknowledge the presence of life in her by moving and of course by speaking, or at least insured the idea. at first when she scooted a bit closer, he was also a bit concerned as to whether she had a death wish or not, which he assumed was unlikely—but she was depressed, and you know what happens with them. so when she moved closer he moved to the opposite direction just a smidgen, but moved back to the old spot once she curled into her sorry ass ball again. what the fuck. if she just stopped rubbing in his fucking failure she could cuddle all she wanted, so as long as she didn't continue acting upset when, apparently, as dictated by herself, was not even upset by what he had said. okay. then he would just keep using that method because it worked pretty damn well too. so if it didn't upset her then, to each his own. "so, i'm just gonna ask while you're in your angsty ball over there, you're seriously not upset right, i can see that. yes?"[/color] it was more of a sarcastic statement meant to just make her admit she was a bit saddened at his choice of dealing with things. which was fine. just be honest and things went better on both ends, mostly. with shayna. yep. so it was for his benefit as well as hers, if she said yes then she just lied more; no, then she was being honest and that was a good step in the right direction. for him, it was just getting the satisfaction of giving the little quip, showing her that he knew about her little facade, if you will. ha. haha. he always wins, you couldn't deny it. that or conor just wouldn't even let you. but then again, he knew the sizeable amount of space she left between them was obviously for her defense just in case he blew up once more, which was fine, but jesus. he was basically done with that by now, and he apologized, right? remember? yeahh. that was him and if he didn't mean it he wouldn't have put that time into trying to do such a thing. conor didn't do that. he got angry. with shayna he did and apologized shortly thereafter. depending on what she did. this time it was pretty out of line, but he wasn't going to deal with the awkward time in here, maybe if they could go somewhere, but not right now when he had no idea as to when they would be able to leave, or at least one of them—most likely shayna, of course. she had a good record with these things. but she was shayna, and knowing her, if she wanted to be all ignoring him and stupid things like that, fine. she would do it, but she would not be able to hold it in. especially keeping as quiet as she had. she couldn't shut up half the time, like today was any different, she just had to stop herself because she wanted to look like she wasn't wanting to speak to him, yep. not. he wouldn't buy that in any short amount of time, good luck. aside from the anger thing, conor was somewhat sensible, you know. hehe.

the one fucking time he wanted her positive outlook she didn't have it. just his lucky day it was, hmm. don't have much of a future together, blah blah blah, this and that. they did, he never said they did not. it wasn't that. it was that they did love eachother, it was a mutual thing, you know, simple stuff. but then conor was too stupid to realize earlier that there was the looming possibility of her leaving much sooner than him, i mean much sooner, and the. you had the whole series of cataclismic events type thing going on, even though he was a little convinced the latter had already happened. had they not been in the same room, on the same day, and he had no have had that very conor-like audacity to speak like the bastard he was, and is, to shayna, then of course their relationship would have been nonexsistant on this day. ohh, shudder. but he did, and they did just listen to the sign it was that day and fall in love, awwh. so here they were, having a rather depressing discussion about how their love was great, but how it was doomed to die a sadistic death. how sad. although shayna seemed to think otherwise. she didn't give a damn, ooh. she didn't give a damn about how it would end or when. wow. "yeah, but like i said, i don't care if i love you are not, so as long as this wasn't some stupidly fast idea and then we end up never seeing eachother ever again and the end. sad, i know."[/color] he mused, yep. it was sad. his thoughts seemed to have no problem finding their way out, yes? ugh. that was annoying. "OH WELL. it sure as hell is not right, hah. but i think it became no longer an issue on the roof. you know."[/color] mmn. true. the roof was really their first somewhat informally formal conversation of random things. it was certainly interesting, no doubt there. but they were far past caring. "ooh, damn. shayna. that's deep."[/color] he teased that a little, it was an unexpected shayna happening. "but, you're right. too bad my mind doesn't find that even possible. but i...without agreement from my brain...think that too. yep."[/color] wow. he was good with the sentences, he really was. that's what made him such a winner, good sentence construction and explainations, too.

TAG  shayna bby. WORDS 2301 LYRICS everlong by the foo fighters NOTES WELP SORRY ITS ANOTHER FAILBOAT BUT YOU KNOW. i was crying over dean and sammy during half of this and talking sexytiemz, yeahh. so. it's a BEEEEG ONE XDD
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